4 AWFUL Habits That Make People Disrespect You


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earning respect in Westeros often looks like this our children but in the real world there are ways of gaining respect and power that are not about projecting strength but the truth of who you are so in this video we’ll be using a dying man’s speech to show how you can influence effortlessly and command respect for who you truly are first though you need to understand the difference between force manipulation and Power in the context of this video force is when you get your needs met by threatening punishing or incentivizing other people this is the dominant mode of control that we see in Westeros like when Damon threatens the kingsguard about joining Rainier’s cause where are you you’re after a nearer as your queen or know that you will die screaming do what you’re told or get burned alive people fall in line because that’s not a deal they want to take in our world you see Force at play often in the workplace with threats of firing or promises of reward if you do as you’re commanded the clear incentives of force make it extremely effective at influencing people quickly but loyalty only lasts as long as the threat or incentive does as soon as the punishment or reward moves the knives come out a much more subtle form of control they glass a bit longer is manipulation manipulation can involve outright lying to get people to act in your interests but usually it involves sharing truths that make people do what you want while leaving out the parts that move them in a different direction Auto Hightower lives in this realm as in the next clip where he’s talking to viserys about remarrying after his wife’s death he tells the truth in a way that talks viserys out of marrying Lane of valerian for duty but conveniently leaves out that his own daughter would be the next choice improving Auto standing immensely I dearly loved my own lady wife the pain of her passing still haunts me and to be compelled to replace her for Duty’s sake you are the king but I do not envy you when they’re manipulating people smuggled their needs into their advice to other people so they may try to convince you that something is in your best interest when their true motivation is to change your behavior to solve a problem in their life Marjorie Tyrell is an expert at this watch how she subtly convinces tommen to move away from his mother while hiding that it was in her best interest and not necessarily tommons it’s so wonderful to have her watching over you a lioness guarding her cub well Simon man now but you’ll always be her baby boy it’s no wonder she’s so protective of you she’ll never let you out of her sight for most of our viewers this is the most common form of control that you are likely to exert on and receive from others it can look like a friend pushing you to stay out late and live a little rather than just admitting that they don’t want to party alone or it could be you being super agreeable in a new relationship only to relax into your authentic self and create issues once you feel more safely connected now you don’t need to beat yourself up for this most of us has been socialized to get our needs met in this indirect way but you do want to become aware of manipulative Tendencies You may have in part because when people discover the self-serving nature of your advice you lose respect and power which is exactly what happened with Otto and viserys choose a calculator distraction I only now realize how well calculated it was that isn’t absurdity your interests no longer aligned with those of the realm your judgment has been compromised the crown in the realm both of you are dead can never be repaid I could no longer trust your judgment even if no one calls it out though when you manipulate you train yourself to be indirect in how you meet your needs which holds you back from True power now true power is rare especially in Westeros it comes from revealing your needs and the truth of your experience without coercing anyone to meet those needs or to agree with your truth this makes you disarmingly magnetic and this is what we see from viserys at dinner I wish you’d see me that’s how I am now being open about your needs and your truth is easier to do when your authentic feelings match what people like to hear we’ve covered this often on our Channel being more upbeat complementary and silly from a genuine place all make you super magnetic so don’t stop you’ve got fat [Applause] [Laughter] but when your truth is that you’re in pain or a need that you have makes you feel weak being open can feel much more challenging so here are some guidance to become powerful and have people respect you for who you actually are first when beginning a tough conversation perhaps about something someone close to you does that upsets you share the complexity of your emotional truth it’s rare that tough feelings are all one thing or all another it’s often a mix of love and pain hope and fear viserys Begins by noting this fact it’s both glad into my heart and fills me with sorrow to see these faces around the table second own clearly when you’re asking someone else to behave in a way that makes you feel better unlike Otto or Marjorie who try to smuggle their needs into what’s best for the person they’re speaking with real power takes ownership of what it’s looking to accomplish it doesn’t hide behind this is what’s best for you if that’s not your deepest motivation viserys again States this clearly set aside your grievances have come for the sake of the crown and for the sake of this old man who loves you all so dearly if there is a situation where you may have a conflict of interest say in a sales position or trying to get your friend to stay out late as we mentioned before you can own it and still use persuasive tools by saying something like look I’m biased because of this reason but I do think you’d benefit because and then state things from their perspective the point is to acknowledge how your advice meets your own needs so that the other person can make a well-informed decision about what’s best for them and still trust your intentions third power is most effective when it’s consistent a big reason viserys’s plea was ignored as soon as he left the room was because he spent a lifetime using force and manipulation he demanded inauthenticity as to the parentage of Rainier’s kids neglected his last three children even when Eamonn lost an eye and consistently threatened those around him did you say it thank you I don’t know what you mean you will address me as your grace or I will have my King’s God cut out your tongue and let it be no body knows for nearest songs should have it removed for power and vulnerability to move people around you it can’t just be a one-time thing so don’t treat this as a strategy to immediately persuade others fourth don’t pretend your demands are request which means that if you ask someone for something really sweetly but then rage when you don’t get the answer you want you are breaking this rule Kristen Cole is a perfect example of this he approaches Ranier asking her to be with him in an apparently vulnerable showing I’m asking you and in their sauce but when Vernier denies him he actively sabotages her children’s training antagonizes her new lover and later crowns her half-brother King instead of her behind the facade of his vulnerable request was a demand and a threat that is force and it leads to the bitterness that you see overtake Kristen in order not to confuse demands and requests our final Point can be helpful which is to recognize that any time you are obsessing over someone else’s Behavior or need it to be a certain way you’re giving your power away this can happen with an interviewer hoping that you will get offered a job a crush hoping that they date you or even a family member hoping that they understand you we obsess in those situations because we think someone else has the key to our happiness and of course it’s true that other people’s behavior can hurt or help you to feel good but the truth deep down is that many of the emotions we think other people inflict on us actually come from the way that we treat ourselves when triggered by other people’s acceptance or rejection for instance Kristen was not wrong to be heartbreak broken as a result of vernier’s rejection but what compounded that pain was the story he told about how he had nothing left as it has an item of your King’s God an oath of Chastity I’ve broken it I I saw my my white cloak it is the only thing I have to my name Kristen like so many of us could not feel who he was if it ran counter to the Norms of his Society because westerosi custom said that he had no honor he stopped feeling the honor that existed in his heart and could have remained in his deeds because his ego told him that he had nothing to his name he overlooked all the wonderful experiences life had in store for him like the simple joy of the Wind on his face as he sailed across the sea or just having really amazingly great hair congrats sir Crispin it’s a Crispin wasn’t it so Kristin Cole my prince ah yes apologies I couldn’t recall but this is the foundation of power it’s not having the great hair but it’s the recognition of all that you currently have and are whereas force and manipulation believe that other people need to do certain things for you to be okay Power recognizes that other people can only trigger you to forget how okay you are deep down when you take a deep breath feel your heartbeat and find your power you will realize that being rejected does not make you unlovable being mistreated does not make you deserving of it being excluded from a group does not mean you must feel lonely nor does being accepted mean the opposite of all this from a place of power you’ll wind up caring less about making people behave in this way or that way and more about expressing yourself authentically you stop wanting people to see you in a way that pleases them and like viserys you truly need I wish you to see me that’s how I am having the courage to meet your own needs meet them directly and thereby reveal who you truly are is the only way that people can respect you for who you are everything else is just people respecting or fearing your facade and though not every person is going to respond positively to the authentic you in time the people who don’t respect you will filter themselves out creating space for those who do and in time both your inner and outer experience become supportive of your happiness that is the essence of power and though it may feel highly uncomfortable at first it can become the most effortless way to live once you get the hang of it and if you’re looking for more guidance on building Social Power quickly you might like to check out our course Charisma University it is a step-by-step program for making huge strides in your confidence and Charisma in less than 30 days guaranteed over 14 000 viewers like you have joined and here’s what just a few of them have to say my biggest breakthrough has been gaining more confidence if you knew me a year ago you’d see a socially awkward guy but that same guy AI had hidden confidence in Charisma that has now been Unleashed if you’re reading this or listening right now think about who you want to be in a year this course will teach you how to be that person another young man used it in his school and says the YouTube videos are great but the courses are amazing ever since I first started I’ve gotten to know so many other people and their friends so many opportunities have opened up to me I’ve been invited to so many Hangouts and it has been amazing and finally your course has been life-changing to the point where I wake up in the mornings feeling like I’ve been transferred to a new person’s body the person I kept dreaming about becoming before I found Charisma on command it is incredible I found myself and I found what makes me happy and you can see more comments like those if you decide to join the course in the comments underneath the videos if you do so you have a full 60-day money-back guarantee for any reason which means you have plenty of time to go through the course get all the value see a transformation in your life and then decide if it was worth it otherwise you can get a refund so if you want to join click the link on screen right now or in the description below we’ve had thousands of people men women introverts extroverts get a ton of value from this course and I would love for you to do the same I hope you decide to join but either way I hope that you’ve enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one

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33 Comments

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  1. This is amazing. In other words be vulnerable but don’t allow outcome to dictate how you feel or affect your confidence. 👏🏼💯🙌🏼❗️

  2. Also, if you want to be a salesman, start by making a product that’s actually useful to people. 100,000 ads for Skillshare won’t get you that far when YouTube has free content that’s just as good.

  3. As a total autist, this channel has been very important in teaching me how to socialize. Like legitimately, while this channel offers advice for literally everyone, I feel like it's so important for people with neurodivergence who naturally don't pick up on social ques to hear about the nuance in human interaction in a systematized fashion

  4. Well this video is surprising me. Mostly because I can finally put a word on what's most changed since I left my mom's nest. I became powerful.

  5. It's hard to think you have power when you're all alone. Power over yourself I guess. As a species we are very social. Without a social cirlce or our own small tribes/groups, we are alone and struggle to survive for multiple reasons. I'm a very calm, patient and understanding person but can't seem to keep a circle of friends, the handful I make for a while always end up ghosting me and don't give me a reason. I can't fix a problem I am unaware of.

  6. Qual é a causa da procrastinação?

    Acredito que seja multifatorial.

    Ser ganancioso é uma das causas mais típicas de procrastinação.

    Pretendemos atingir nosso objetivo o mais rápido possível subindo uma escada gigantesca que se torna mais desafiadora para nossos cérebros a cada dia.

    Em vez disso, concentre-se em formar hábitos tomando pequenas medidas cotidianas.

    Se você quiser terminar um livro de 350 páginas.

    Comece lendo 10 páginas por dia, não 50 páginas por dia.

    Minha mãe tem pouco estudo mas já dizia, de grão em grão a galinha enche o papo!