6 Social Mistakes That Make You Look Low Status


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in today’s video we’re going to show you six unattractive habits that instantly make you look like you lack confidence and what you can do instead to command more respect in your conversations the first habit is avoidant body language this is anything that closes you off from the other person like hanging your head not making eye contact or facing away here’s a quick example from a rough first date as I um [Music] sorry Louis is a very nice guy but unfortunately his stuttering and avoidant nervous body language hurts his ability to connect with his date confidence is like the most important thing that’s it that’s all you need like you had the rest is there but you’ve got everything up strong body language can immediately strengthen your first impression and make people respect you more and luckily it can take many forms for example watch John Cena and Matthew McConaughey in this next clip as John talks about his first failed wrestling Persona as a robot they have almost opposite body language so why do they both project confidence and just when I said I would kick your ass at the fairgrounds on Sunday I would rewind it and say it again for you I would kick your ass at the fairgrounds laughs that didn’t work you no while seemingly very different they both follow four key body language principles they smile keep their heads up to make eye contact have their shoulders back and take up the space around them if you want an easy mental cue to give yourself when you’re actually in a conversation that makes you nervous just remember these two words open and expand if all you do is try to be more open and expansive you’ll naturally do countless little things right without thinking about each individually and as a bonus you’ll start to feel more confident too avoiding body language often goes hand in hand with this next bad habit talking tentatively here’s an example of it with Kristen Stewart talking about her role in seberg there was just so much about her that um you know really only like wherever described in like General really uh dishonest headlines and like then like the girl from breathless that like went like this you know this is no knock on Kristen a lot of people struggle with filler words and stuttering and these habits often get worse when you don’t know what to say the solution is simple give yourself permission to pause and think before you answer a question or even Midway through a sentence don’t fear silence here’s a more recent interview with Kristen notice the difference in her body language and how she speaks and think about how it would change her first impression of her I’m wondering if you’ve planned to announce that you’re engaged on that show or if it if he just kind of got it out of you that’s a good question because he is the best interview in town everybody knows that no clue I would have told him I was gonna say something really inappropriate I would tell him anything once you get good at this your silent moments of thinking can become powerful moments that build anticipation listen to Chris Williamson from the modern wisdom podcast for a great example of this one of the things that I’ve realized is that people that are self-reflective that rely on cerebral horsepower that pay attention that think in a detailed way the more nuanced that you’re thinking is the fewer people are going to be like you which makes you feel more alone how do you think people can overcome this replacing filler words and stuttering with powerful pauses is something that most people struggle with even once you know you should luckily there’s an easy way to quickly improve at this the trick is to record yourself on video for just three to five minutes a day asking yourself questions and then answering them on day one start with easy questions you know the answer to that require little thoughts you can focus fully on removing tentative talking what do you do where are you from describe your family things like that try to speak at your natural speed and put your mental focus on catching filler words before you say them and replacing them with pauses then from day two onward slowly move to questions that require more brain power like what is the meaning of life to you immediately after each day’s recording watch the video within one week you’ll see a noticeable reduction in filler words and an increasing confident pauses now that we’ve talked about body language and speaking habits let’s talk about what to actually say the first thing you want to avoid when meeting someone is asking first instinct questions these are the questions everybody asks especially if the other person is high status in some way whether that’s famous high ranking at your company or just really attractive you can bet there are probably some questions questions that they get asked all the time what’s the most mispronounced what’s the worst pronunciation of your name you’ve ever heard what’s the worst butchering of it you’ve ever heard what’s like the weirdest one you’ve ever heard if you great conversation that people remember focus on asking questions that most people don’t ask and that the other person is excited to answer you’ll know you’ve done it right if the other person lights up at the question can you recall an instance ever a time in which your formal acting training brushed up awkwardly with the realities of being on a Hollywood set well that’s a really interesting question uh if you aren’t sure exactly what to ask to get someone excited to answer just ask if there’s something they’re proud of or passionate about for example listen to what Sean Evans asked Mila Kunis about designing her new house is there a detail of your home that you’re particularly proud to have your fingerprints on and then is there one that serves as a reminder that marriage is always about compromise oh really good question the next common mistake is something you might see when you try to put yourself out there and mess it up and that’s retreating after a miss this is especially common after you make a joke that doesn’t Land Texas has always led the charge well till about like a couple months ago and then Austin sort of took over like I don’t know guys like Texas was leading the chart you’re still top 25. but we got to work on that stuff because those people have lost their minds right if this is something you have a habit of doing don’t retreat instead joke about your bad joke you were given an Oscar for best actress you would also get one for being the worst I think I just lost about 20 points if that seems too hard there’s an easier way to recover from a bad joke for example watch this news anchor bomb a joke with the Dalai Lama so the daylight llama walks into a pizza shop closer pizza pizza shop and says can you make me one with everything hmm what’s that I’m sorry yes now watch how he recovers simply by laughing at himself for how badly the joke bombed possible oh I knew that wouldn’t work he laughed more at the fact that it didn’t work the next mistake WIll seem like an obvious one and yet it’s something you’ve probably seen a lot throughout your life injecting an unnecessary brag into conversation there’s a great example of this from the liver King video where he tries to apologize for lying about being on steroids this is a complicated Topic at least to me it is because before social media I was rich and Anonymous and after social media I’m still rich but no longer Anonymous and I never expected this kind of exposure it’s totally unnecessary here to say that he’s Rich forcing his wealth into the conversation doesn’t do anything to make his apology better or to make him seem likable or confident this seems like an obvious one so the question is why do people do it so often because most people want to be liked and they’re not sure how to make people like them so they try to force what they think makes them likable or admirable into the conversation this isn’t to say that it’s bad to share what’s interesting in your life you just want it to come up naturally for example listen to Jamie Foxx tell this story of how he met Kanye West and ended up in his song Slow Jams since then when I met him bro he freestyled a rap I said yo they say you rap he freaks I said oh my God you’re the most incredible rapper in the world and I was trying to get in music at that time so I would throw parties for a reason because puff was so famous with music I had studio in my house and uh uh Kanye goes Jamie mentioning that he has an entire music studio in his house it doesn’t feel like he’s bragging because it’s relevant to the story he’s telling but be careful here because if people think you’re telling a story just to work a bragging they still won’t like it if you want to learn more about telling great stories you can watch our full video on Jamie Foxx which I’ll link to at the end of this video the next mistake that people make is also something they do so that people will like them more but it undercuts your own self-esteem and it makes you look like you lack confidence and that’s prioritizing being agreeable over being true to yourself so well gang are you hungry uh I’m fine okay well we’re gonna we’re gonna eat I think oh we’ll I’ll grab food then okay okay cool people do this because they want to avoid conflict or avoid being a burden ironically it’s the exact opposite behavior that lets you look confident and attractive and command respect from the people around you and that’s speaking truth to power being honest even when you’re telling a potentially unpleasant truth to someone you want to like you iconic characters like Don Draper and Tommy Shelby are admired by their fans because they regularly show this kind of confidence can’t I keep what I have and just build on it well honestly the unpleasant truth is you don’t have anything your customers cannot be dependent on anymore their lives have changed your own protection is failing Mr Kimber your boys are taking cuts I want to suggest that from now on your contract out your racetrack security for the peaky blinders especially with people that are used to being surrounded by suck-ups and yes men this can be a very powerful habit but speaking truth to power can be scary so to build this habit the easiest way is to start small starting today stop telling Little White Lies even if you think they’re harmless start being honest about the seemingly little things like why you’re late or why you’re turning down a social invite build your confidence in being honest the same way you’d build a muscle by starting where you can and then increasing the difficulty slowly and consistently over time eventually you will have the confidence to share even the biggest hard truths it may not go well every time but it’s the best long-term path to High self-esteem high respect and strong relationships if you’d like a specific blueprint for building this type of unshakable deep rooted confidence you may like our 30-day program Charisma University it’s a step-by-step guided program that will show you exactly how to build unshakable confidence in ways that are easy fun and take just 20 to 30 minutes a day each day comes with a daily action guide so you know exactly how to put what you’re learning into practice and it’s sequential with each day bill building upon the last it also comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee so you can take the entire course see if it changes your life and if not give yourself a refund from right inside the program I could go on about the program but rather than tell you what I think let’s take a look at what some of the members have said about their experience after the program the first one comes from a guy who says CU helped his dating life he says firstly loving the course I have cherry-picked a few things for example the filter lesson in the conversation module this one lesson completely changed my life I’ve liked a girl for over a year now but never thought much of it because I thought she was too pretty took your lessons gave things a shot and now we’re dating this next one comes from a guy who was interviewing for new jobs he says I interviewed it dozens of places for jobs after medical school at the end of one of my interview days the doctor pulled me aside and said that I had hands down the best interview out of everybody and that they would love to have me at their program they ranked me number one and it’s my current job and this last one is a comment and of course from someone who used it mainly to improve their social life and he says life-changing in six weeks I went from being socially awkward with few friends the life of every event I attend I also went from having serious girl problems to dating the girl my dreams Chrisman University transformed me from a lonely introvert hoping to better connect with people to an energy-filled extrovert who makes new friends everywhere I go and there are many more success stories just like those in the comments if you decide to join the course if you want to check it out click the link on screen now or below in the description to learn more we’ve had thousands of members go through this course and get a ton out of it I hope that you decide to join if this is an area in your life that you’re looking to improve either way I hope this video has helped you and I look forward to seeing you in the next one

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36 Comments

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  1. Confidence isn't necessary – just drop the idea that you need people to validate you and you will talk easily.

    Trying to get people to like you only matters if your gosls in life are specificslly influenced by people liking you – like say… a politician.

  2. The best person I have seen who can make a bad joke into a hilarious one is Conan O’brien. But the way he does it takes a lot of skill and practice and most people don’t have that. So ya, laughing it off would be best way for most people.

  3. I have an independent character and I am in situations like "everyone is eating but I am not because I didn't feel like eating" a lot, and it's DEFINITELY not a comfortable, easy, charismatic thing lol. It can make situation no fun and alienating super easily. Comparison to Don Draper is very exaggerated… Don Draper is only in situations that the screenwriters specifically designed in every detail to make him look that way. Real life is way less dramatic. (…) Generally I would recommend to be SUPER sceptical to all coaching advice that says stuff like "don't be afraid to be a weirdo!" (and, God, I see it a ton). I am a weirdo by nature and you should 100% definitely be afraid to be a weirdo. It's not always good at all. These people given as examples that it's always good to be independent tend to be 1) super rich, 2) super attractive, 3) living in some of the most progressive societies on Earth, 4) working in art, 5) always in conversation with someone who is smart AND thinking deeply about the meaning of what they say and do, 6) on a screen for interview/movie so obviously people look for something interesting more than something comforting at this moment when they're seeing them, and so on… Real life is USUALLY not really like that in that aspect. Behavior people find interesting in a movie character and that they find likeable in a person they see everyday is not the same in that aspect.

  4. Not really. The video you watched is about being someone else, which is a total lack of any confidence at all, they are merely acting like someone else, who acted like someone else. Take them off of the stage, what can they really do?

    Are any of them able to build a doghouse, dig a fighting pit for two, understand how to fish a fish, etc. Traits that are all part of survival. Traits that every single one of them would come crying to you because they only know how to act and can't survive on their own.

    It's not about pretending you know because you mimic someone popular and expect others to make you popular because you pretend like someone else, it's about breaking the mold of being told that all you need to know is what someone else wants you to know and discovering what the five basic traits of living are:

    1. Basic engineering to build a shelter.
    2. Understanding how to hunt or fish.
    3. Understanding how to find water.
    4. Learning basic skills such as carpentry, welding, rope work, etc.
    5. Taking all of the above to lay a length of rope on the ground near a body of water that would later become a road paved with stones that homes were built along so that your group of 100 people would have some place to live and find shelter in, people who would otherwise die because they listened to the bullsh*t in the video above and have expectations of being given something.

  5. TV interviews are the weirdest thing to do, my band was interviewed when I was in college and it's so confusing if you should make eye contact with the interviewer, or look at the camera, they gave us zero advice how to handle it.

  6. Some years ago I saw one of Mick Foley's touring shows. When the Q&A came up he was kind enough to allow me to ask a question. I asked him about one of my favorite matches he had in WCW that was not one of the ones that most people would remember or ask about. His face lit up, he chuckled and stopped for a moment to personally reminisce before answering.

    Later at the meet and greet he asked me up to the front of the line personally, and spoke to me for a few moments and got a nice picture with him, and he autographed my Mankind shirt.

  7. For years I had a huge problem when engaged in a conversation where I would involuntarily whip out an Applebees chicken tender platter to increase my confidence buddy. But to really make myself feel empowered, I would eat the whole thing pal.

  8. You know the best way to seriously develop these skills is just work (or volunteer) part time somewhere it is your job interacting with people, overwhelming majority have difficulty talking to strangers and when you realize most people are just like you the you easily become comfortable being yourself in front of others.

  9. Me and my ASD (autism spectrum disorder) stopped watching at #1…nope not gonna do it, I might stare at their nose but eye contacts is always weird and creepy to me.

  10. James Dean’s main character trait was avoident body language. He cultivated it to the highest level. He was admired for it by both men and women. It’s about showing vulnerability, which is the most dangerous thing you could possibly do as a man.