7 Habits That Make People Dislike You In Seconds


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in today’s video we’re going to show you seven bad Charisma habits that will consistently make people dislike You by becoming aware of these mistakes you can hopefully avoid making them the first bad habit is vulnerability dropping that’s instantly making a joke when someone opens up vulnerably watch this quick clip for a brutal example with a soldier who thought he had saved a friend who ended up dying in battle that was such a high moment with everything that had happened that mace was going to make it sounds like at the end the battle came down to Saving Private maze some people aren’t comfortable with strong emotions so they use humor to quickly try to change the tone of the conversation this can make the person sharing with you feel hurt and unsafe there are times when it can be helpful to use humor to lift someone’s mood but make sure you’re doing it for them not because you’re uncomfortable often you’re better off simply listening and making someone feel heard and understood the other common mistake to avoid when someone shares something with you is conversational narcissism relating everything back to yourself and consistently trying to put the focus onto you watch these next two clips for a great cringy example from the view the conversation starts with sunny expressing empathy for the people who are suffering because of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and that this is going to start a humanitarian crisis a refugee crisis in Europe we’re talking about five million people that that are going to be displaced I mean it’s it’s heartbreaking now watch Joy Behar use what is called a shift response to shift the focus of the conversation to herself well I’m scared of what’s going to happen in in Western Europe too yeah you know you just you plan a trip you want to go there I want to go to Italy for four years I haven’t been able to make it because of of uh the pandemic and now this this is an extreme version of a shift response but they happen in conversation all the time a common example would be if someone says something like sorry I haven’t seen you recently things have been really rough at work a supportive response would be something like no problem do you want to talk about it you’re showing the other person that you care and are interested in hearing more a common shift response would be oh my God I know exactly what you mean my work has been awful lately and then launching into a story about your own job a shift response isn’t always a bad thing sometimes sharing your experiences makes people feel like they aren’t alone but if the only way you respond to things is with a story about yourself it will eventually repel people there’s another common way people hog the conversational Spotlight question cutting asking a question and then interrupting the answer talking over each other is commonplace in a group of excited friends and it isn’t always a bad thing but if you interrupt right after you ask a question it’s almost always frustrating let’s say it goes how you think it’s gonna go khabib dominates what’s next I’ll tell you what I think go ahead and one of the reasons I I say this because I heard you say this so I put a lot of weight into it is he’s done okay so yes and no I think he retires I don’t think a Tony Ferguson I don’t think a Conor fights and so you go out to walk the dog [Laughter] aren’t you supposed to let people talk on the show say I heard that Taylor Swift will be performing can you confirm or deny um I mean we’ve had a really good time today Taylor so Taylor see where I’m going with this at least nobody ever listens to me the good news is it’s extremely easy to avoid this mistake if you ask someone a question let them answer it there’s another mistake related to asking questions that you also want to avoid and that’s trampling boundaries this sounds obvious but you’d be shocked how common it is here’s a quick example of what it looks like for context Rob Gronkowski’s teammate Aaron Hernandez was arrested for murder around the time of this interview I do have to ask you when you heard about Aaron Hernandez what what you thought what your reaction was uh next question I learned that from Drew Rosenhaus next question but it had to be a shock for you though it had to be shocked for all your teammates okay next question you would think that robs made it clear he wants to move on to a new topic but watch what the interviewer does next all right then I’ll ask you it seems to me that these two men played on opposite sides of the line but they had more than that in terms of being opposites and a truthfully I’m not going to go yeah I’m not going to go there right now don’t walk off right now here’s another example so you can see how this might happen without you meaning to upset someone it starts with Jim Norton asking a very personal question but in a respectful way I know your mom was killed right but but did there you go but that’s what I’m getting to well that’s what Sam is kind of I think alluding to it it’s obviously a very rough way to come up was it was it something that was ruled accidental and then declared a murder there was some kind of a now watch what happens when Dylan McDermott draws a boundary and says that the topic is off limits I mean I really want to get into that now you know I’m just talking about Ellie to Vegas but uh okay yeah it was definitely rough and what night is that on that’s on Tuesdays it’s on Tuesdays at night it’s not the death slot hey speaking of death okay what time I love it similar to vulnerability dropping it’s possible Doug Stanhope was trying to add levity to the conversation because he was uncomfortable or even because he saw Dylan was uncomfortable and he was trying to help it’s possible to mean well when you cross someone’s boundary but you’re much better off simply respecting the boundary and moving on even without a boundary beforehand this is a classic mistake people make trying to make a joke and accidentally making someone angry with certain close friends that you know like dark humor nothing has to be off limits but especially with people you’re first meeting it can be a mistake to tease sensitive topics you’d think this is obvious but again it’s surprisingly common just wondering who told you that because my wife tells me that often she says good morning you’re still married as a matter of fact yes but I truly am no joke sorry for the loss of your friend Ryan Dunn I know you must have been thinking it could have been me and I know we were all thinking why wasn’t it um [Applause] the mistake here is getting so focused on trying to make a group laugh you don’t pause to consider how the focus of your joke will feel if you’re going to see someone for a laugh tease them about something they’re unlikely to be insecure or sensitive about is you bring these slightly different nuances to Thor whether he’s on Asgard or on Earth or whatever you like you bring new aspects to him and with with Captain America it’s like as we’ve seen yes the most likable way to tease someone is to tease their strengths you say something so obviously untrue that it ends up drawing attention to a strength of theirs watch this next clip for another example with Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth this time guessing Avengers based on bicep photos what do you got Hemsworth here’s Scarlett Johansson with a similar joke during playground insults your biceps look like Thanksgiving turkeys now let’s talk about a mistake that often comes with good intentions giving unsolicited advice as an example watch George from impulsive give the island boys Financial advice for if their music career Flames out I think if God forbid it doesn’t go in your guys’s direction for real I think you guys take all of your jewelry assets and invest into something so you guys will never ever be broke again so I don’t think there’s gonna ever gonna be a broke situation but I’m saying like if you guys George isn’t a rude guy he’s genuinely trying to be helpful here but you can see it makes the island boys angry because they didn’t ask what to do if their music career doesn’t work so the advice feels insulting George stop talking we have multiple wait that was hey that was that was for you guys yeah that wasn’t like a headshot I don’t need I don’t need financial advice but that was me being nice it wasn’t me being like an [ __ ] because I was giving you guys nice advice and you guys are being asked hey George keep talking don’t walk out it’s great to want to help people but you’ll get a much better response if you ask if someone wants your advice before you give it you’ll avoid making them angry and they’re more likely to listen to you because they’ve opted in the last mistake we’ll cover today is instant aggression it’s okay to stand up for yourself and draw boundaries but some people respond to the slightest accidental offense with way too much hostility here’s a great example of this from a first date how old do you think I am um maybe with 29. [Music] 30. I don’t know now notice how she responds did you say 29 did you say 30. I’m actually about to choke because of you I’m 25. you can see her continued hostility makes the guy very uncomfortable I didn’t know he said I’m 29 or I’m 30. you don’t see me that’s my five-year-old I am 25. I am not 29 or 30 okay often this instant aggression comes from assuming negative intent where there isn’t any you’re much better off assuming someone’s being positive until they explicitly prove otherwise here’s a funny example of what that might look like from the movie The King of Staten Island I gotta be honest Kelsey you look exactly like your picture you’re kind of thicker more robust oh thank you it’s a compliment even if you think someone is being rude you don’t have to respond aggressively right away you can start with a soft boundary where you use a friendly tone to call out what you don’t like this at least gives you a chance to get back to a pleasant conversation afterwards listen to Taylor Swift respond to John Cleese here for an example prefer cats they’re only unpredictable and cusset like women you know oh we don’t want to do that now with all of the Christmas stakes in this video and pretty much every Christmas stake Beyond these the most painful part is that you almost never realize you’re doing it very few people set out to make people dislike them and if you do accidentally have a few bad Charisma habits you can end up ruining a first impression you really want it to go well missing out on promotions at work or becoming the odd one out in your friend group it sucks the flip side of that is also true with just a little work you can build fantastic habits that let you be your authentic self in a way that makes people love and respect you if you want help with that you might like our video program Charisma University it’s guaranteed to give you more friends more dates better work relationships and most importantly High self-esteem and true confidence if you try and don’t like it you have 60 days to give yourself a full refund from right inside the course just by pushing a button we’ve had over 14 000 people go through the program so far and the average score people give it is a 9 out of 10. people write in saying things like I’ve already watched a lot of the YouTube channel and loved it but Charisma University’s action guide really changed my life insane social experiences I never thought I’d have and work wise I end up getting a best-selling author as a mentor I’m so glad I joined loving the course I’ve liked a girl for over a year now but never thought much of it because I thought she was too pretty took your lessons gave things a shot and now we’re dating by sticking with Chrisman University I’ve had the confidence to make groups of new friends and land a promotion I interviewed it dozens of places for jobs after medical school at the end of one of my interview days the doctor pulled me aside and said that I had hands down the best interview out of everybody and they would love to have me at their program the entire course will only take you 30 days if you start today you’ll be getting dramatically different reactions from people within just one week to see if the course is right for you click the link on screen now to learn more either way I hope you enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one

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28 Comments

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  1. be careful when you give advice to young people. They are most likely too ignorant to understand that it's for their own benefit. They won't understand it until later after they've F-'ed up. They will also resent you for providing wisdom, because we were all young once… Remember those days when we knew everything! Sometimes it's better to let the young folk screw up themselves, because it's the only way theyr'e ever gonna learn. " Too soon we get old, and too late we get smart". That was one of my Grandpa's favorite sayings. If you are young and reading this, just remember one thing. We were once your age too….. but I'm 99% sure you will laugh this one off, until you are older and realize yourself that you should have done more listening and less talking.

  2. I usually do try to relate my own experiences when people share, but I try to preface with "I know it's not the same, but I can relate to this one piece of what you said because xyz. So you feeling _ makes sense to me…" but "I'm sorry you went through that " feels like the listener is somewhere else mentally when I hear it, so I try not to sound like chatgpt in my responses.

  3. For number 6, that advice was also done in public. If a person really care, even if the advice wasn’t asked for, you would do it in a private setting to avoid embarrassing that person in front people.

  4. Women are like cats!!! Spot on f**** analogy and guys are dogs loyal to a point Will hump anything that walks and great for protection😂😂 And we All know how cats are give me what I want when I want it and I will change my mind every 5 minutes and then circle around until I get what I f**** want and then piss on your pillow if I don't 🤣🤣

  5. Something my dad emphasize to me was that if you are in doubt about what to say then say nothing. You can almost always go back and say something it needs to be said.

  6. Something my dad emphasize to me was that if you are in doubt about what to say then say nothing. You can almost always go back and say something it needs to be said.

  7. I have never in my life seen that clip about ryan dunn… that is so heartless and tasteless and awful… so many people hurt in his passing and leaving everything he did and loved behind. I'm shocked that even happened… wow
    edit :: no one will ever see this but if they do Bam and everyone I want you to know yourself and everyone are in my thoughts constantly. If anything ever turns up for you us as fans will be there and I'm sorry some of you can't find peace after such a heartbroken tragedy. Much love we're here for it -your fans