How To Be Charming Without Saying Much


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in today’s video you’ll learn how to be extremely likable whether you’re an energetic extrovert or a soft-spoken introvert we’ll cover how to make an amazing first impression and how to turn that first impression into deep relationships with people that love and admire you people often ask us what do I say in conversation but just as important as how you say it to see what I mean watch this quick 10 second clip of Brad Pitt try to take note of what you see that’s charismatic Brad congratulations your first time out on track in front of a crowd yeah yeah I’m a little giddy right now I gotta say and it’s just great to be here man we’re just having such a laugh such a laugh Brad is certainly helped by the fact that he’s extremely good looking but beyond that there’s four charismatic habits jammed into those 10 seconds these habits will make you more Charming no matter what you look like they are listening with warm soft eye contact a duchenne smile meaning a smile that reaches your eyes making the outer edges wrinkle speaking through a smile and using expansive gestures expansive meaning your elbows don’t stay glued to your sides if all you take from this video is those four habits you’ll already be above average in Charisma this doesn’t mean you have to plaster a smile on 24 7 to be charismatic for example when you’re telling a story you want to embody the emotions of each character but when you get back to talking about something happy or funny bring back that duchenne smile for an example of what this looks like watch Brad in this next clip he’s talking about trying to sneak a spoken line into his first movie role as an extra I got to this actress at the end and I poured her drink and then I looked at her and I said would you like anything else she looked at me and went I had the first date he goes cut cut cut cut and he came over to me so you do that again you’re off the set and I was like oh man oh man now let’s talk about something that a lot of people struggle with how do you Captivate people so that they really want to hear what you have to say one way is with a pre-story laugh this signals that what you’re about to say is funny is different Tarantino me who’s never done Shakespeare this has to be genuine otherwise you risk coming off very weird so the easiest way to do this is to tell stories you genuinely find funny then you don’t have to force a laugh you just have to allow the laugh that naturally comes up when you think of your story if that’s not something you think you can do while there’s another way you can get people interested in what you have to say use a one-line hook an intro sentence that hints that you’re about to share something very interesting you’ve been talking about NYU your time at NYU yeah yeah yeah this is my favorite Adam Sandler story tweaking that slightly to make it more universally applicable one hook you can use often is this is one of my favorite stories if you don’t like that one there’s a second hook you can use this time from Leonardo DiCaprio Scorsese actually said to me look I I’m not sure how Daniel feels if he’s ready to work or not you know you’re another actor you should you know have a conversation with him and suss it out and I’ll never forget you know meeting him in New York I went to his Brownstone sort of knocked on the door that phrase I’ll never forget is a powerful way to introduce a story it implies that what you’re about to share had a big emotional impact on you now everything so far will help you make a great first impression these next two habits will help you take that first impression from oh I like this person too oh I really like this person the first habit that does this is making someone feel good around you Maya Angelou said it best people will forget what you said but people will never forget how you made them feel people love to feel seen and appreciated especially once they’ve decided they like you one of the easiest ways to do this is simply by laughing when someone makes a joke Brad does this even when he’s not supposed to like when his co-star is ad-libbing in a scene you shot me shot me twice well you also have a shootable face I should have done the Third [Laughter] I’m so sorry your goal here is not to fake laugh it’s to laugh freely when you do find something funny instead of holding in your laugh like most people do limiting it to a quick chuckle or even just an exhale if you struggle to laugh when you’re in conversation that’s okay laughing is a habit that gets easier the more you do it so a good practice is to watch something you know will make you laugh right before you go out this will Prime you to be in a better mood to laugh you can take this connection Builder to the next level by adding in a light platonic touch and a compliment where did you get paid for that I don’t know but I got flipped off a lot so the bird got the bird the bird yeah yeah this is why you got the show you see that’s how I do it on the topic of compliments there’s a big mistake a lot of people make here it’s selective kindness only being kind to certain people like your boss or the person you’re attracted to in a group this comes off as manipulative you want to be universally kind especially to people that most people ignore like receptionists servers or in Brad’s case translators the best right I keep forgetting to give short answers and I give these long winding babbling answers very good wow I think we need to have a little hand for our translators that was impressive most people in conversation try to elevate themselves this self-focus can be off-putting and it can create a feeling of immedieness or desperation it’s counter-intuitive but when you’re willing to elevate other people it shows self-confidence and it makes people want to be around you we’ve covered compliments in detail in other videos but just to quickly review the best compliments will be something you genuinely appreciate about the other person something they take pride in and ideally something they don’t hear often this is especially powerful if they respect you in the area you’re complimenting but I gotta tell you when you tell me I did good in uncut gems that feels good I I can sit in that a little bit I’m like because I’ve what you’ve been doing over so many years and crushing for so long when you tell me I’m doing something good now while Compliments are a fantastic way to make people feel good if all you do is compliment it will get boring and predictable so you want to mix in humor as well specifically playful teasing I want to thank my co-stars Leo Margot Robbie Margot Robbie’s feet Margaret quality’s feet Dakota Fanning’s feet seriously Quentin has separated more women from their shoes than the TSA one tip for teasing try to calibrate to the other person if they seem sensitive after you tease them once go light on them if they laugh loudly and tease you back or play along you’re good to lean into it a second tip with teasing tease yourself too this lets people know that it’s all in fun and you aren’t actually mocking them for example in that same speech where Brad teases Quentin Tarantino for his foot fetish he teases himself for being single I gotta add this to my Tinder profile the last habit we’ll cover today has the potential to create lifelong bonds when someone you care about is dealing with something difficult be a shield in their Shield wall sometimes people go through things that are hard to handle alone if you can be there to support them through it they’ll remember you forever for example Brad dated Gwyneth Paltrow in the 90s during that time Harvey Weinstein made a pass at Gwyneth while he was her boss I told him right away and I was very shaken by the whole thing and I had two movies I’d signed up to do two movies with him were you afraid that the movies would be canceled when this happened Harvey was one of the most powerful people in Hollywood his influence is bigger than any actor even Brad Pitt but listen to what Brad did the next time he was in the same room as Harvey and Harvey was there and Brad Pitt it was like the equivalent of throwing him against the wall you know energetically he said if you ever make her feel uncomfortable again I’ll kill you or something like that Brad was there for gweneth when she needed someone to help her and you can see how much it moves her emotionally even 20 years later he leveraged his Fame and power to protect me at a time when I didn’t have fame or power yet right wow it moves you yeah it was it was fantastic he’s a good person oh you must have just you know people remember who is there for them when life gets hard a small inconvenience or sacrifice on your end can have a huge emotional impact on someone else now that said it’s important to recognize that not everyone you go out of your way to help will stay in your life or even be grateful for it in the moment but over a lifetime if you make it a habit to be there to help and support the people you care about you will end up with some amazing relationships okay let’s quickly run through today’s tips to help them stick first strengthen your first impression with charismatic body language make warm soft eye contact speak through a smile let that smile reach your eyes and use expansive gestures when you speak as the conversation progresses you can capture people’s attention using a pre-story laugh or a one sentence hook once you’ve made a charismatic first impression you want to make sure people feel good around you this can be done with kindness and compliments or by making them laugh and once you’ve established a relationship with someone keep an eye out for when they’re going through something difficult and try to support them now there’s a lot of advice in this video and it can be overwhelming to know where to start and how to actually implement it after all you don’t just want to learn Charisma facts you want to live it that’s why we made our 30-day program Charisma University it’s a step-by-step video course that comes with a daily action guide to show you how to take what you’re learning and turn it into unthinking habit so that you start to radiate confidence and Charisma naturally without trying the program comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee so if you don’t think it’s worth every penny you can just give yourself a refund from inside the program we’ve had thousands of people go through Chrisman University and the average review they give us is a 9 out of 10. here’s the type of impact members get from the program in their own words the term life changing is thrown around a lot when online personal development courses and I can’t think of any course I’ve taken that I would describe that way except for this one I couldn’t recommend this course more the wonderfully simple actions yield incredible results and make you feel so much better about yourself it has truly been incredible I’ve instantly had results that seem insane so many more meaningful connections my friendships have improved and my interactions with total strangers are a new exciting fulfilling thing I want to recommend this to everyone this should be in our basic education system I had an interview on day eight when we had the visualization action guide and I couldn’t have been more happy with the results I walked into the interview feeling so confident everything I imagined down to the laughter of others came true and I got the job on the first interview if you want to learn more about Charisma University you can click the link on screen now or in the description below either way I hope you enjoyed today’s video and I’ll see you in the next one

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36 Comments

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  1. 4:15 I was one of those guys that said "girls don't like nice guys" and it was painful of the idea to think nice guys finish last but the problem is I didn't have insight. If there was a grizzly bear in the group I wouldn't nearly give her the attention as a 10. Just let things happen and be in the flow of the moment and give props to people where you see fit without it becoming nauseating 💁🏽‍♂️

  2. I'm now in my 50s. I've owned my own custom built home, I've been homeless, and everything ib between. I recently didca luttle self reflection on my dreams..what they used to be, and what they are now.
    I used to dream of being married, the big house on land, 2.5 kids, the shining new car, "white picket fence" life. Now, my dream is to have a safe, sound roof over my head with a comfortable bed, a reliable vehicle,and enough mobey to pay my bills without worry, pay for my medical needs and to keep healthy food in the fridge. I don't NEED designer clothes. I don't NEED flashy jewelry or the newest tech. Would it be nice to be able to travel and see new places? Yes. Would it be fun to be able to purchase something i see just because I want it? Yes. But I don't NEED to have enough money for those kinds of things in order to be at peace, to be happy.

  3. @1:16 guess what , jokes on the lady who thought she was “hot stuff “ greater actress “

    Read abit on the history and yea…. Brad was in the era where useless ingenious relationship opened doors, not your skills or your technical

  4. Does anyone know how to prevent the resentment response that people often have later down the line after you help them in a time of need? It's not an uncommon occurrence when people feel an immeasurable dept to someone who helped them for them to turn it into resentment to free them from the cognitive dissoance.

  5. Complete BS none of this works unless you look like Brad Pitt. I've helped many people in their weakest moments during my time in college as a math major and not a single one helped me back. Hollywood is also fake, she was doing crocodile tears to capitalize on the me-too movement.

  6. I used to do these things naturally. But life happens. I’m really appreciative for these examples and insights. They serve as reminders to be your best self.