Words That Win: How To Instantly Influence Anyone (use ethically)


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today you’ll learn the art of persuasion specifically seven powerful principles that influence everyone’s decision making including your own you’ll learn ethical ways you can apply these principles and just by being aware of them you’ll now notice when someone uses them on you I want to credit Robert sheldini’s book influence her first teaching me these one of the strongest principles of persuasion you need to be aware of is social proof people will look to other people to help them decide how valuable something or someone is for an example watch what happens when this YouTuber hires 25 Paparazzi to photograph him in the street the 25 Paparazzi had the entire Street thinking I was a movie star I’m married to these ladies now do you know who he is you saw him in strike four right I did I did I’m like I gotta get a photo with this man with photographers swarming him it’s totally reasonable to assume he’s famous but why are people waiting in line for selfies when they don’t actually know who he is they only want it because they see that other people want it now of course social proof does have its limits for example listen to how this YouTuber tried to trick a comedy club owner I hired this whole crowd to laugh at everything I say all to make this comedy club and more specifically their owner think I’m funny this might trick a random audience member into laughing but when someone’s full-time job is to evaluate talent they’re not going to suddenly think you’re funny just because other people are laughing at your jokes right it used to be called a Jumpoline until your mama jumped on it I’ve got to say that wasn’t absolutely one of the best second gigs I’ve ever seen there’s a lot we can take away from this first recognize that other people can literally warp how you experience someone this is something you have to be aware of if you’re in a closed social system like school or an office otherwise you might end up pursuing a friendship or relationship with someone who you don’t even like just because other people like them or you might end up blowing off someone amazing just because other people don’t feel the same way the other thing social proof can teach us is how other people view us this next clip is a fictional example but it’s a pretty accurate representation of how many people think wait a minute that’s that said dear guy who are those guys with them I don’t know but if they’re with the deer they have got to be worth something does this mean you should pick your friends based on how it’ll make other people react to you no of course not but there are a few ways you can improve your life now that you know about social proof first if you like to go out to meet new people don’t stalk around the venue not talking to anyone looking for someone you’re attracted to instead focus on having fun and talking to everyone around you you’ll have a better time and when people see you bouncing between groups making them laugh and have a good time you become magnetic social proof can also be used if you’re recruiting for a new job let’s say your dream job is to work at Google apply to a few competitors at the same time if you get offers you can tell Google that you really want to work there it’s your dream job but just as a heads up you have a few other job offers already that you need to get back to most recruiters will suddenly view you as a more attractive candidate in addition to social proof this also triggers our next principle of influence scarcity people have an innate fear of missing out and regretting it so when something is perceived as rare or in short supply its value increases in our eyes in that recruiting example you become a more attractive candidate because they might not be able to get you to avoid falling victim to this trap yourself start identifying scarcity speech almost sold out limited time only these phrases trigger the fear of missing out and regretting it that’s why salesmen will often lie about scarcity to persuade you to buy something how much are they cheaper than an audit guaranteed unfortunately what well this was spoken for my Supply is very short uh people are gobbling these up like Tic Tacs thanks again tell your friends more than any other factor in today’s video this scarcity principle should trigger flashing red warning signs in your mind nothing will separate you from your money faster than scarcity one particular type of scarcity to be wary of is time scarcity act right now or this incredible opportunity will pass you by this is one of the ways that pumping up scammer Jordan Belfort was able to get complete strangers to invest Millions with him in stocks they knew nothing about the example we’re about to watch is from a fictional movie but DiCaprio worked with the real Jordan Belfort to make sure scenes like this were authentic now the key to making money in a situation like this is to position yourself now before the settlement because time you read about it in the Wall Street Journal it’s already too late scarcity is so effective people add it to situations that don’t have it like artificially limiting how many people can join a completely automated online course or Worse lying and saying seats are capped to create a buying frenzy and then selling way more than the cap they claimed they had people manipulate the scarcity principle in personal relationships too like when first dating they’ll purposely not text you back for hours or days it makes you feel like they’re in high demand and their attention is scarce which can unfortunately make you start to want it more the third principle of influence we’ll cover today is consistency people rarely like admitting they were wrong so they feel pressure to be consistent with the things they’ve said or done in the past the most viral example of persuasive consistency comes from Jordan Peterson’s conversation with Kathy Newman after Kathy asks him this you cited freedom of speech in that why should your rights to freedom of speech Trump a trans persons right not to be offended for context this conversation has been contentious with Kathy aggressively trying to poke holes in many of Jordan’s ideas and that’s great news for him because it’s exactly what allows him to persuade Kathy to share his Viewpoint here because in order to be able to think you have to risk being offensive I mean look at the conversation we’re having right now you know like you’re certainly willing to risk offending me in the pursuit of Truth why should you have the right to do that what can she do here she either has to say that she’s been behaving poorly for the last 20 minutes or stay consistent with her best behavior and say that she agrees with him I’m just right I’ve just tried to work that out I mean ha gotcha you have got me you have got me before you try to change someone’s mind see if you can show them that based on their past actions you two already agree you can also use the consistency principle by giving someone a reputation they want to live up to they’ll try to act consistent with how you see them because it’s how they want to be seen in this next clip watch how Saul persuades tuko not to kill his associates it’s a fictional show but the psychology of this clip is real when I was at your Abuelita’s place you were going to let them go way I see it that’s because you’re tough but you’re fair you’re all about Justice [Music] Justice there’s two key elements to giving someone a reputation to live up to First the person has to want that reputation second they have to be able to believe that reputation in that last clip if solid said tuko don’t do this you’re not a murderer it wouldn’t work the next principle of influence is reciprocity people are more likely to say yes to a request if they’ve previously received a favor or gift from the other person this can be a great thing A Friend helps you move later you help them move and you’re both better off than if you had moved yourself alone the danger comes when someone gives you something to purposefully trigger your sense of reciprocity and then asks for a bigger favor now that you feel obligated to say yes this next clip is a funny example from the office it’s over exaggerated but it gives you a good idea of what to watch out for this is really nice Dwight thanks thanks oh don’t mention it you owe me one you all owe me one can a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they’ll owe him a favor which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore jeez there’s another sneaky way reciprocity can show up in your life and that’s during a negotiation or a disagreement a person might make an extreme request knowing you’ll reject it and then fall back to a smaller request you think they’re doing you a favor by conceding so you feel compelled to accept the new offer cialdini calls this the rejection then Retreat technique and I want Charles gone I’m not firing Charles he’s very valuable okay then I want Pam back you already have a new receptionist sales thank you continue this is a good trick to know about so that you can defend yourself from it don’t feel obligated to meet in the middle it’s okay to stand your ground if you think your position is fair on the flip side this isn’t a trick I’d recommend you try if your first request is seen as a low ball or an obvious trick the person will hate you for trying to manipulate them well let’s try 879 000. what do you come up with this stuff you pull it from your behind you’re much better off making sure that each suggestion you make in a negotiation is reasonable and made in good faith now one thing that makes all of these principles more persuasive is Authority people have a natural instinct to listen to those who seem credible or who they view as experts while this is generally a good instinct to follow it can be easily abused especially when people use symbols of authority like titles credentials or a uniform to trick people when he was a teenager authorities in Florida say Malachi love Robinson posed as a doctor and set up a medical clinic for another example listen to how the shoe brand Payless prank designer shoe buyers by using symbols of authority to make their store look like a high-end fashion store we built a fake luxury store filled it with avant-garde sculptures and displays we even hired a full team of sales associates then we filled all the shelves with Payless shoes and jacked up our prices as much as eighteen hundred percent then they told people this was the grand opening of an Italian designer and with all the trappings of a designer shoe store around them look how people reacted to the Payless shoes for me to experience this as an Italian designer is amazing I could definitely wear this to like a Met Gala dinner just make it so unique I would definitely spend 295 on a pump like this I would pay like three four hundred dollars for these shoes for sure the danger of Authority’s persuasiveness goes beyond pranks and scams because even when someone is actually an authority on something blindly trusting them can still be dangerous super successful business people can still give Bad Business advice and a real doctor can still give bad medical advice this doesn’t mean you need to question every Authority you encounter but if you’re about to make a life-changing decision based on another person’s expert advice there’s two things you can do to protect yourself from bad faith actors first Trace Financial incentives does this authority figure benefit financially if you follow their advice this doesn’t automatically mean it’s bad advice but it’s worth being aware of and second always seek a second opinion if you can now on to principle number six liking if you’re a fan of Charisma on command you probably already understand this one people are more easily persuaded by people they like if you’re charismatic life is easier you’re more likely to get friends dates job offers promotions just to name a few how to be likable is a topic that needs more than a minute to teach but if it’s an area you want to improve just check out any other video on this YouTube channel or our online Charisma University now there’s one more persuasion principle that I want to cover that cialdini doesn’t cover in his book but it’s incredibly persuasive risk mitigation people are lost averse We Fear getting ripped off wasting our time basically making any big decision and regretting it so if you’re trying to persuade someone to do something think of what they think their potential downside might be to saying yes then offer them a way to minimize that downside here’s an example from the real Jordan Belfort closing a sale I’m asking to get married right now okay I believe in starting small because I know I can prove myself to you now if I was here saying to you I want all your business fire tight and do this do that right you’d say get the patio right okay but I’m not saying that what I’m saying that is that I’m confident that you just see a little bit of what I could do we can use that as a benchmark to go forward so I’m going to ask people one shot 30 days and believe me you’re gonna be a client for life okay now there’s one last point on persuasion that is by far the most important point in this entire video it’s not a persuasion principle it’s a mindset that will make everything in your life easier and more successful I’ll let Jordan explain this one too it’s a lesson he learned after going to prison here’s a pen in the movie we see Jordan Bethel seller paint some with a pen so the best thing to say is I would say to you pierce how long have you been in the market for a pen uh I wanted a pen for three months if you would have said to me I don’t really use a pen I said oh really will you be in the market for a panel over the next few weeks or so you’d say no I said have a nice day I’m gonna go find someone who wants a pen I don’t want to sell someone a pen doesn’t need a pen don’t spend time trying to persuade someone to do something unless you genuinely believe it’s good for them one it’s unethical and two even from a purely selfish standpoint it’s bad for you even if you get what you want they’ll come to resent you for talking them into a bad decision they won’t want to be in a relationship with you or to do business with you again and they’ll warn other people to stay away on the other hand if you use the principles in this video only to persuade people into things that are genuinely good for them then each persuasion will make the person like you more and trust you more you’re building up a bank of Goodwill and strengthening your relationship for a practical example of how some of these principles can be combined let’s take a look at our Charisma University program for consistency if you watch our videos it’s safe to assume that you’re interested in becoming more confident and more charismatic with a time commitment of just 30 minutes a day and running just 30 days long Chrisman University is by far the fastest way that I know of for you to act actually become more charismatic for social proof If you look at our checkout page you’ll see we show thousands of people have gone through the program we show that the average review is 9 out of 10 and we show individual testimonials so you can see some success stories from our past clients for liking and Authority we rely on the quality of our videos If you find our free content helpful you’re much more likely to have confidence that our Charisma University will change your life and probably our strongest persuasion tool is our 60-day money-back guarantee because it makes joining the course risk-free cruising University is 30 days so you can take the entire thing and see if it changes your life you either think the investment was worth it or you get all your money back so the only way you end about money is if you feel that the charismatic habits you’ve built will meaningfully change your life we’re confident they will which is why we offer the guarantee if you want to learn more about chrism University you can click the link on screen now or in the description below either way thank you for watching today’s video I hope it was helpful and I’ll see you in the next one

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23 Comments

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  1. Maybe that's why I'm not persuasive myself, is because I choose not to give in to these pressures, and therefore deem it unethical to do the same to others.

    The warning at the end of the video hits harder after watching it than after scanning the timestamps as soon as you click into it.

  2. Jeff Lerner, the founder of Entre Institute, is an expert in unethically utilizing these skills. His commitment to creating scarcity of time and resources to not miss out on this VERY expensive buy-in to his cult got me hook, line and sinker back in 2022. I saw through the facade a fews months in, and at that point it was too late to get my money back.

  3. My kids tried to talk me into allowing them to get a cat. This was always going to be out of the question. After just the right amount of pestering they switched to the prospect of getting a dog. Seeing the effort they put in to their pitch I went with the dog option. Not before letting them know how proud I have I was of their team work in trying to pull one over on me. I like dogs and they paid the £200 for this one.

  4. Used to call those 800 numbers when I was a teenager and ask them if I called in time for the deal. Call center people would always be like what? Oh…yeah you’re good. 😂