5 Clear Signs Of A Manipulative Personality


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narcissists don’t behave like most people they take advantage of the social rules that we expect people to follow and their manipulations are shockingly effective if you’re unprepared that’s why in this video we’re going to cover five tells that you’re dealing with the narcissist one who is likely lying in an attempt to gaslight you that way you’re going to be more able to catch them and defend yourself we’ll be using jesse smallett as an example for those of you who missed out in 2019 he claimed to have been the victim of a hate crime but his story quickly fell apart in ways that are instructive for catching narcissistic liars in your life the first sign to keep an eye out for is the inclusion of details that only serve to establish a desirable persona for instance at jesse smallett’s sentencing he shared this and i am not suicidal and if anything happens to me when i go in there i did not do it to myself and you must all know that now obviously jesse is not someone who’s going to be targeted for assassination inside prison so this outburst makes no sense as a protective measure but as an attempt to establish his own importance it makes perfect sense in a similar vein during his good morning america interview he emphasized this i want them to see that i fought back and i want a little gay boy who might watch this to see that i fall back and it does not take anything away from people that are not able to do that but i fought back they ran off i didn’t to catch these tales in real time in your life ask yourself why is this person sharing this story or this detail if there’s no other purpose other than giving them a reputation they’d like to have that is a red flag concretely this often comes in the form of unsolicited name dropping or stories of success that have little to do with the topic of conversation but to be fair we all tell self-aggrandizing stories from time to time and sometimes those can be necessary to include for the sake of a story so this first point alone isn’t enough to determine if someone’s a narcissist which takes us to our second point in a much more telling giveaway the way a narcissist describes other people is as if all their motivations relate back to the narcissist for instance ask yourself what kind of real human being would be prepared to do the things that jesse describes who says empire this maga country ties a noose around your neck and pours bleach on you real people can definitely be motivated to commit heinous acts due to racism but very few mega loving racists are probably watching empire and even fewer of those people would walk around with bleach and a rope at 2 am looking to assault jesse without taking his wallet or getting some kind of benefit for themselves in a narcissist’s mind though it makes sense that other people would be totally obsessed with them that’s just the narcissist protecting his own worldview outward he is so obsessed with himself that he can’t imagine anyone else not feeling that way and it shows up in stories of other people whose motivations revolve entirely around him a great example of this is jesse’s guess at what would motivate these supposed attackers i come really really hard against 45 i come really really hard against his administration again the idea that jesse’s criticism of trump was so remarkable that trump diehards tracked him down at 2am is absurd it requires caricatures of human beings who ignore the much more famous people criticizing trump and also ignore their own desire to not freeze in sub-zero temperatures so in your life if someone tells you stories where everyone else puts them at the center of their universe you’ve got a good sign you’re being lied to by a narcissist now with these tells in mind you might start to raise suspicions at which point you should keep an eye out for the third tell and that is someone making skepticism evidence of a character flaw in the disbeliever when most people tell true but tough to believe stories they’re capable of seeing that what they know happened is difficult for other people to instantly believe so they say things like look i know it sounds crazy but i swear it’s true those who tend more towards narcissism though struggle to view things from other people’s perspectives doubt is met with aggression as if skepticism wasn’t a reasonable response to an unreasonable story for instance here’s jesse when he’s asked how he feels that people don’t instantly believe his story that strangers carrying rope and bleach recognized and assaulted him at 2am on a freezing cold night it feels like if i had said it was a muslim or mexican or someone black i feel like the doubters would have supported me a lot much more jesse makes reasonable skepticism evidence of their moral failing so if you find yourself constantly defending your character when asking clarifying questions that’s a strong sign you’re being gaslit by a narcissist and it’s helpful in these situations to recognize that belief or non-belief is not a choice you make it’s simply a result of how the facts line up in your mind you actually have zero control over what you believe like when you stop believing in santa claus that wasn’t a choice it just stopped making sense and you couldn’t choose for it to make sense again so the only control you have when you’re suspicious of someone is whether or not you ask for more details to try to understand their claims anyone who calls you out for doing this is criticizing you for being as supportive as you’re capable of being don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty for this on to the fourth sign when most people are caught in a lie they break down and admit it but with narcissists there’s not always an oh you got me moment in the face of overwhelming evidence they tend to dig in deeper i did this and it means that i stuck my fist in the fears of black americans in this country for over 400 years and the fears of the lgbtq community your honor i respect you and i respect the jury but i did not do this most people can’t imagine denying the truth when caught red-handed and it makes them second-guess themselves when they see another person do that what if they’re telling the truth after all it’d be crazy to deny in the face of overwhelming evidence but it makes much more sense when you realize that the more narcissistic someone is the more important cultivating and preserving their images so that image will be defended until the bitter end this is the highlight that unfortunately you might never get the closure of the narcissist fessing up and you’ll probably be stuck with lingering uncertainty were they really lying why would they even risk that which takes us to our fifth point a cost-benefit analysis of a narcissist lies will probably make zero sense to you like why would jesse risk his budding career to fake a hate crime why would he pay to get punched in the face we always ask these motive-seeking questions when determining if we’re being told a lie with narcissists we often detect no motive that we can relate to and this leads to a saying well nothing here adds up but they’ve got no reason to lie so i guess i believe him unfortunately this isn’t necessarily a sign that they’re being truthful but a sign that their lies are narcissistic in nature a lie that helps a narcissist move closer to a desired image is worth a big risk image is paramount and what makes them dangerous is the extreme lengths that they’re willing to go to build or maintain that image so a highly suspicious claim that has no clear motive is a strong red flag for narcissistic manipulation and here’s a bonus sixtel that relates to all of us narcissists tend to be perpetually unhappy due to that image-focused nature sure they might put on a veneer of happiness since that’s what their persona demands but because their worldview revolves around other people’s perception of them and not the things they actually like narcissists struggle to feel joy and though they can appear highly confident it really is just a cover for a deep lack of self-esteem that demands other people’s admiration to prop it up so don’t envy the fake confidence of a narcissist and try to restrain those image focused behaviors in your own life they will not lead you to happiness confidence or real connection so hopefully you found some of these tips helpful for identifying and removing narcissists in your life and if you’re interested in actually building deep self-confidence that isn’t reliant on what other people think you might like our flagship course charisma university it’s a step-by-step program for building your confidence and charisma as quickly as possible over 9 000 people have joined the program so far and here’s what just a few of them have to say loving the course i have cherry-picked a few things for example the filter lesson in the conversation module this one lesson completely changed my life i’ve liked a girl for over a year now but never thought much of it 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41 Comments

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  1. I see that you are spot on, especially with your comparison with Jussie Smollett, but the only thing I found suprising/strange was your interpretation of what role (along the lines of) "I'm not suicidal, so if I'm dead, it's not suicide" played. I thought, rather than emphasizing his personal importance as that being an assassination target, it was more the role of character assassination of the police because of other instances of "suicides" of minorities in custody. AKA "If something happens to me, you know who to blame"

    I'm not at all saying this as if the meaning of the phrase changes the motive (to create the contrast of him=better and opposition=worse), but I find from personal experience bashing others to be more common than highlighting oneself, and may even come across as more genuinely upset than manipulative.

  2. "If you find yourself constantly defending your character when asking clarifying questions, that's a strong sign you are being gaslit by a narcissist."
    This is a critical thing to think about if you are dealing with a narcissist at work. You'll be asking clarifying questions about what they they did or didn't do or ask about tasks related to the job or workflow, and they will not only get personally defensive but also accuse you of being a bad person by trying to "take them down." Unfortunately a lot of coworkers will "stay out of it" and then intentionally not ever give them feedback on anything, enabling and validating the narcissist.

  3. I remember the night when this happened. It was like the coldest day the northeast had seen in a decade. NO ONE was hanging out outdoors that night waiting for anybody. The cold was physically painful just touching your skin.

  4. So asking questions about vaccine efficacy is perfectly fine, I’m just trying to satisfy my understanding based on how medications are normally produced, tested, and rolled out to the general public. Thank you. I thought so too.

  5. They’re exploitative also. They’ll recruit you for their purposes by appearing to offer you something that you want and they will very subtly motivate you to do their bidding under the guise of offering friendship. But when you look back after a while you’ll notice it was you that were doing all the favours. Then ask them for a favour and watch them have a reason they can’t help, or if they do help they’ll want to get it over and done and may be noticeably resentful and impatient if they do help reluctantly.

  6. Dude I love your channel. Your content (and others who talk about this topic) has helped me to take a good long look at myself in the mirror and realize I exhibit a lot of these traits and other narc traits you've described in other videos. Its a struggle being a self aware narc because my perceptions and instincts are skewed in a way that make me self-serving by nature, even when I can "feel" myself doing it (after having learned all the information on narcissism that i have). Instead of using that as an excuse or a cop-out, I try to improve myself. A lot of self reflection. A lot of self analyzing and paying attention to how I carry myself and speak to others. I basically get free therapy watching these videos instead of going to a real therapist lol so in all seriousness,thanks for all the informative content and for helping people like me be honest with themselves and try to improve to the best of our ability.

  7. You totally missed the mark on the 'i am not suicidal' remark. He staged a fake attack which was politically motivated to support Democratic propaganda and it flopped. After what happend to Epstein he is genuinely concerned for his life.

  8. Narcissist are the most DANGEROUS people you can play around with. The biggest thing I learned is no matter what they say or do or how much they cry, THEY WIIL NOT CHANGE. I promise you. For the sake of your safety and sanity, leave that narcissist!!

  9. Thanks for the video! I guess I am narcissist myself to a certain extent. Now I know what are my problems to work out💪🏻 I was always afraid to become a narcissist. Yet turns out I'm kind of it😕

  10. Jussie fell for the "white supremacist around every corner" narrative and never thought he'd ever be questioned..because..well this is happening everywhere! Except it really isnt!.. So that's sorta a dead giveaway..lol

  11. Pleas analyse Gonzalo Lira. He is a youTuber that hosted a channel that basically criticised women to (presumably) an audience of misogynists and incels. I believe he is a malignant narcissist.

  12. Hey guys for those interested I can send you the whole charisma university course for a much better price ! The course is amazing but not affordable for everyone :/ so let me help you out 🙂

  13. I got gaslight my whole life from my whole fam that I don't know anymore what is real and what is right. I also see some narcissistic treats in myself and I feel like I'm always the victim so I'm always depressed and sad.

    I need to learn something like how to be not a victim anymore and how to not cry anymore