How To Be Charismatic If You’re “Nerdy”

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henry cavill loves role playing video games and he isn’t afraid to say so i’m a big gamer i’m a big gamer i’ve been a big pc too many people mistakenly think that you need to hide any nerdy interest you have if you want to be seen as attractive but that’s not true at all you know what will make you instantly seem unattractive if someone gets the sense that you’re trying to hide parts of yourself just to make them like you now you don’t have to make your nerdy hobbies the first thing you talk about but if it comes up naturally lean into it and own it that said the problem is most people don’t know how to talk about their nerdy interests so that the other person finds them interesting so let’s get into some specifics three easy tips to talk about your nerdy interests in a more attractive way the first important thing to realize is that enthusiasm about anything is endearing for example watch this clip of joe manganiello talking about a moment from his past dnd game for context he’s talking about stealing a powerful artifact for his character the hand of an evil god watch for three things his face lights up he’s smiling and he emotes with his hands there’s no way i can get away anyway i did the calculations the only way i was possibly going to get away is chopping off my own hand and putting the hand of ecn on like which why would i why would i not do that anyway from a cinematic standpoint there’s no more cinematic moment when it comes to nerdy interests the most common mistake people make is having a tone of voice or body language that projects embarrassment or shame if you talk about something like you’re embarrassed of it the other person will assume it’s embarrassing watch this next clip for a good example of the common cues that make someone think you’re embarrassed low volume looking down and hesitating when you speak i can’t go to germany why i got homework when you’re talking do the opposite allow your excitement about the topic to come through in your voice your facial expressions and your hand gestures now enthusiasm is a great first step but if you really want to hook someone you have to learn how to make your interests interesting to them one bad habit that makes it harder for you to connect with people is when they can’t follow the details of what you’re talking about here’s a funny example with ronda rousey trying to talk about world of warcraft with conan but he had some kind of a druid and i started off the night elf hunter like most people do and he recommended that via rogues and i got myself a blood elf rogue and i actually really like her a lot and i can like interact with people i don’t know what you’re talking about the easiest way to avoid this is to make your nerdy interests relatable avoid using jargon and instead relate your passion to something you know the person will understand here’s an example of how joe manganiello first explained dungeons and dragons to his wife what are you doing in the basement i go well it’s like game of thrones i go you love that show every sunday it’s like that it’s like dragons and fighters and warriors the magic phrase for getting someone to appreciate why you like something is it’s like followed by something you know they understand and ideally something they like this will help form a connection between you because you’re pointing out how your interests aren’t as dissimilar as they might appear for instance if you’re trying to explain why you like league of legends to someone who has no idea what it is it might be helpful to lead with something like it’s a 5 on 5 team game you can play with friends just like basketball except it’s a computer game you all play online will they instantly understand everything about the game no but they will start to understand why you like it and be able to relate to it in conversation there’s one more helpful trick you can use when you’re talking about something and you aren’t sure if the other person is into it give them chances to opt in or opt out ping for their interest and if they seem intrigued dive in if not don’t force it now if you’re speaking with enthusiasm and making it relatable you’re way less likely to bore people but you should still periodically let them opt in or out if you’re going to go deep on a topic and you aren’t sure they’re also passionate about it watch this next clip for a super easy example of this with mila kunis not to say that i’m not looking too forward to the new star wars movie the new trailer is sick i was so excited to see that news card i loved it did you see the new trailer yeah i thought it was amazing it was with the new the lightsaber that comes out that’s like a little baby cross i was like oh yeah this is awesome it’s that simple bring it up with enthusiasm make it relatable and then allow the other person to opt in or out as you go deeper into the subject now you can absolutely have only nerdy hobbies and be attractive but there is something else that helps tremendously being attractive is easier when you have hobbies that give you at least two very different thin slices henry cavill knows this about himself but you were playing world of warcraft and the phone rings and you’re like i’ll get that later okay yeah yeah absolutely i’ll get that later and i was playing uh it was an important part of a particular dungeon that i was going through and and it’s cool now that i’m superman yeah and uh joe manganiello is the same way he loves d d but he also loves football and ice climbing you may think that what’s happening here is that the nerdy stuff drags these guys down but it just gets outweighed by the quote-unquote cool things about them but that isn’t the case to prove it just look at guys like joe rogan or lex friedman joe wouldn’t be nearly as interesting if he was just a buff dude into bodybuilding and jiu-jitsu he’s way more popular specifically because he has a diverse and unusual combination of interests that includes athletics psychedelics wildlife philosophy and science if lex friedman were just a jujitsu black belt his podcast wouldn’t be as successful his varied interests in jujitsu guitar psychedelics and artificial intelligence make it so that he’s more appealing to a wider variety of people for you you’re more attractive if people can’t predict everything about you based on a stereotype so this isn’t to say you have to pick hobbies just for other people but if you do have a diverse set of interests get that across in conversation it makes you harder to immediately stereotype or put into a bucket and that ability to surprise someone by breaking out of where they initially bucketed you will instantly make you more intriguing now let’s talk about a mistake that unfortunately a lot of people make giving up on your physical appearance this will be a quick point yes guys like joe manganiello and henry cavill are genetically gifted in a way very few people are but their looks aren’t as god-given as you might think listen to henry cavill talk about his childhood here did they bully you at school did they call you fatty those um fat caval was the actual name um but you know what i was fat and my name was still capital then so it was a fairly fitting nickname um cruel but kids are cruel you know there’s nothing wrong with being overweight it’s just a common complaint from overweight people that they aren’t seen as attractive and attraction can’t be negotiated or demanded so if you wish that more people found you attractive it’s worth considering if you can improve your nutrition or fitness this doesn’t mean to become a bodybuilder find an activity you actually like whether it’s surfing hiking soccer or yoga and do what you enjoy now that said physique change takes effort and time by far the easiest way to instantly look more attractive is simply a good haircut my favorite example of this is steve carell look at him in the office anchorman and on the red carpet he’s the same guy wearing a suit in all three but his hair creates a very different first impression in each adam driver is another great example today he’s a sex symbol but you wouldn’t guess it by looking at his marine photo so if you want to be more attractive aim for a haircut that flatters your features okay now let’s get into the last mistake a lot of people make when trying to date or even just make friends the mistake is hiding your interest because you fear rejection so many people complain about being in the friend zone when they were the ones that initially put themselves there by being scared to express romantic interest so they just hover around hoping the other person will express interest in them or they go to a bar and see someone attractive but they can’t work up the confidence to go and talk to the person this happens even when trying to make friends people are so scared of making a negative impression they focus on not doing anything that could be disliked and you end up going unseen making no impression at all instead embrace being polarizing being willing to risk a negative impression frees you to make a strong positive impression so in your own life when that fearful inner voice pops up to try to stop you from taking a social risk make it a point to focus on the possible upside and ask yourself what would happen if this went really really well with practice you can train your mind to habitually focus on positive outcomes which will spur you to take action that said it’s easier said than done to put yourself out there in a big way to ask out your crush ask for promotion or approach the person you admire but every time you let your fear stop you you’ve missed out on a potentially life-changing connection if taking your confidence to the next level and erasing your fear of rejection is something that’s important to you you may like our video program charisma university it’s a step-by-step guide that’s the fastest way i know to become confident and charismatic you can read all the details in the link below but i think the strongest way to let you know what it’s all about is just to let the members speak for themselves we’ve had thousands of people go through the program so far with an average rating of 9 out of 10 stars here are a few of the things that cu members have written in so far this first one is from a guy who joined after a breakup he says thank you so much for charisma university i thought that after completing this course i’d become a smooth talker and be able to take over a room what i didn’t realize is i’d get that and feel so confident in myself i feel liberated this next one is from a woman who works as a clinical psychologist she says i absolutely love the content i’m a clinical psychologist looking for material that can help my clients who have social anxiety charles material is exactly what i was looking for so excited to be a member of charisma university and this last one comes from a guy who transformed his confidence he says i wasn’t truly confident i was constantly seeking validation and cared too much about other people’s opinions but now my life has improved tremendously because of cu i find it way easier to connect with people to have great interactions and to be happy even if things don’t go the way i want them to taking this course has been one of the most impactful decisions of my life i can’t recommend it enough there’s no time delay if you join now you’ll be inside the course in minutes and within just five days you’ll know how to make an amazing first impression on anyone you meet the program takes just 20 to 30 minutes a day and best of all it’s actually fun to go through because within two days you’ll be seeing people respond more positively to you in conversation also even though results are quick we give you a full 60 days where you can get a refund so you have plenty of time to go through the entire program twice if you really want to and see if it changes your life if it does awesome if not you can get 100 of your investment back that’s how confident we are that you’ll be happy you joined if you want to check out the course click the link on screen now or in the description underneath the video either way i hope you enjoyed this video and i look forward to seeing you in the next one you



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  1. The thing is how can people find out you are a geek and belittle you? You can hide your geeky interests and just share parts of yourself you want your superficial friends to see and only show the other parts to your most trusted friends

  2. I’m 34, and look like I’m a 15 year old boy. I’m a gigantic nerd, and wear it on my sleeve (literally, Rebel Alliance tattoo on my arm). Years back, I would go to my favorite pub after work, grab a pint, and read Star Wars paperbacks in the corner by myself. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I got hit on. Why? Because setting yourself apart from everyone else (I.e. jacked bros drunkenly trying to get people to come home with them). Do what you do, and love what you love. The rest comes easy. That’s my philosophy. 🤷🏻‍♂️

  3. This video is disingenuous when you use Henry Cavill as your example. He's very attractive. He's superman ffs. There are women that want him because of his looks and nothing else. When someone is attractive, their nerdiness can seem a bit whatever. If an unattractive man says he's a nerd it's just more of a turnoff for women.
    The difference between flirting and harassment is whether the guy is attractive or not.

  4. So I guess a way to be attractive while being a nerd is to go out of your way and not let fear of rejection succumb you. I mean, what a "nerdy" way must that be, right…

    PS. it's a waste of time when you give that as a "way". When every other video would just also talk about that same thing as well.

  5. I bet my left butt-cheek Henry is AT MOST average in both knowledge and gameplay.
    That's no hate on him, it's just that people confuse "celebrities who happen to play video games" with "gamers" and it bothers me, because then they try and compare the two.

  6. Also— for men, it seems like people forget to talk about hygiene when it comes to looks.

    Like, weights are fine or whatever (I’m not really into that, but some people are I guess.)
    And hair is great.

    But CLEAR SKIN???
    Showering consistently???
    White teeth, clipped nails, and a good deodorant?

    Nothing more important than that.