How To Look Charming When You’re Socially Anxious


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no matter who you are we’ve all been nervous before and sometimes your nervousness can get in the way of making a good impression or connecting with someone you like but being nervous doesn’t have to ruin an interaction there are ways to be incredibly charismatic even if you’re nervous that’s what we’ll be learning in today’s video on tom hiddleston now i’m not saying tom is always nervous but he’s a great person to learn this from he’s incredibly likable despite showing some telltale signs of nervousness in interviews like filler words fidgeting and blushing here’s a quick example is that where the hiddlestoners came from from loki i i i that’s a whole other world i don’t know about you know all about the hiddlestoner despite those habits tom is considered extremely charismatic humble and charming so in this video we’ll break down 5 easy tricks you can learn from tom to come off as charismatic even when you’re nervous once you learn a few of these tricks you’ll have people saying things like this about you too all the above i mean he just has the best personality and we got along so ridiculously well we really did i’m not joking i’m not exaggerating he was fantastic i couldn’t ask for a better situation the most sort of charming relaxed people that makes you feel instantly at ease to talk to the first trick is extremely easy and has an impact both on how you feel and how you’re perceived anchor a positive first impression people often make their first judgment on whether or not they like someone within five seconds of seeing them in tom’s case his tailored suits good posture and big smile dominate how you perceive him so that even when he’s stuttering or using filler words he still seems charismatic beyond that what you wear has a psychological effect in your mind tom describes it nicely here the clothes they make you they make you stand in a different way they make you behave in a different way they kind of give you a different bearing in different uh manners but also they make you feel sort of more solid in a way it was a different world you know back in the day this doesn’t mean you have to wear suits all the time especially if that’s not your style but when you think you look good it’ll make you feel more confident and give you courage in those moments you feel nervous so don’t just dress to blend in with the crowd dress in a way that makes you stand with confidence the next trick you can steal from tom is for when you’re in conversation it’s to use a one second cliffhanger pause most nervous people make the mistake of thinking they have to fill conversational silence so if they’re nervous and their mind goes blank they will fill the silence with um’s and us as they struggle to think of something to say you are much better served to simply stop talking and collect yourself not only does pausing for a breath help you internally calm your nerves it actually makes your stories more captivating and your jokes get bigger laughs as an example here’s tom talking about filming the elevator scene in thor ragnarok watch carefully see if you notice a pattern and how he uses pauses the dialogue was was scattered across these different places as they were trying to escape and find their way through tiger said guys do you know the rest of the scene as you may have noticed the key is to pause in the middle of your sentence not at the end pausing at the end might confuse people into thinking you’re done speaking leading them to jump in and accidentally cut you off pausing mid-sentence safely buys you a moment and keeps people hooked a mid-sentence pause is also a great way to make something funnier here’s a quick example with tom telling a story on the graham norton show i was challenged requested required by suggestion by graham to do an impersonation of robert de niro in front of robert de niro to this day i still don’t know why i did that it’s not an especially funny sentence so why does it get a laugh one a pause builds anticipation two humor is often about defying expectations and a brief pause lets the listener try to guess what you’re going to say so that what you do say can be unexpected if you struggle to maintain eye contact when you’re nervous pausing also lets you cheat you can look away as you think of what to say and then return to making eye contact as you speak just make sure to look up and to the side rather than down another quick thing you can focus on to help your impression if you’re nervous is keeping your voice confident using pace and timbre notice in this next clip of tom he says um clears his throat swallows touches the back of his head but his voice remains low and slow the entire time film um an italian film based on the italian novel about kind of the sicilian sicilian royalty in the late 19th century and there’s extraordinary party in that film a deep calm voice can help you seem captivating and confident even if you happen to use filler words or have less than perfect body language that said don’t try to make your voice unnaturally low just be aware if it sounds higher than normal because you’re nervous if so take a breath and bring it back to your normal register if you’re interested in a few exercises to actually improve your voice i’ll link to our video on how to create an attractive voice at the end of this video the next thing you can steal from tom to be more charismatic when you’re feeling nervous is commitment for example tom is known for doing impressions he’s also known for greatly admiring robert de niro watch how nervous he gets when graham starts to set him up by asking de niro if he enjoys seeing people do impressions of him that’s great i love it i only ask tom hiddleston does impression you do work with a lot of people so who is in your canon it’s a it’s a expression of admiration just to be clear so i do i do he’s clearly nervous he touches his legs knees and tie fidgets and licks his lips but he still does the impression there’s two things to notice when he does it here’s the first part think about what you notice michael mann cuts back to the esteemed gentleman at the end of the sofa [Music] tom gets a laugh before he even speaks because he commits fully with his face and body language the second thing you saw is tom didn’t rush into the impression even though he’s nervous and as you’ll see next he doesn’t cut himself short even though he’s embarrassed to do it what if you do got me boxed in i’m not gonna put you down moving face to face yeah but i will not hesitate not for a second [Music] that’s my [Applause] here’s another example from a different appearance on the graham norton show tom’s here to promote i saw the light where he plays musician hank williams because of this graham asks him to yodel watch tom’s reaction so it goes a little something like this um [Music] oh god here we go [Music] youtube is strange about music copyrights so unfortunately we have to cut the clip there but he goes on to do a very committed yodel now most of us don’t do impressions or know how to yodel but there’s two things here that we can all take with us when we’re in conversation first a common mistake that most people make when they’re nervous is to keep their movements small and their body language tight instead when you notice yourself feeling nervous purposefully open up your body and use more expansive gestures when you speak second when you’re nervous you may feel an urge to cut yourself short whether telling stories doing impressions or making a joke but ironically it’s by cutting yourself short that you create a nervous impression now the easiest way to learn to commit to your stories and jokes is by changing your mindset when you’re nervous especially in social situations don’t worry about being cool make your focus to have fun and create a fun atmosphere and people will love being around you this is made way easier once you cultivate the ability to find humor in your embarrassment this is the final piece that allows tom to be so charming even when he’s nervous for example watch as he tries to describe why he loves the waltz scene in crimson peak the waltz where you danced with your partner face to face chest to chest you could you know smell each other’s breast breath sorry oh a whole bunch of people just got very happy in the audience most people’s public speaking nightmare is to misspeak in front of a large crowd and get laughed at and called out immediately but you can see tom has a big smile on his face here’s another quick example for context he’s talking about shooting the movie kong skull island first notice again how he uses the mid-sentence pause to introduce the story it’s the great jordan vert roberts who directed it really was insistent that we go to places on earth which are both beautiful and dangerous now watch as tom gets teased for his first dangerous location so we went to oahu in hawaii dangerously scary very windy i’m sure you know someone who would get defensive after basically being called a wuss in front of 3 million viewers but unless the joke is genuinely offensive you’re much better off laughing and playing along this ability to laugh when other people would get defensive is basically a charisma superpower the people around you will be impressed with your confidence but beyond that you’ll find yourself much more excited to go into social situations knowing no matter what you’re going to have a great time and when you don’t fear messing up or being playfully teased a lot of your nervousness will naturally go away a lot of the tips from this video like anchoring a positive first impression and using a cliffhanger pause these are things you can start doing right away having the confidence to enjoy your most embarrassing moments that’s something that may take a little bit more time to build if you want to go deeper and learn some specific exercises you can use to become more confident you may like our program charisma university it’s a step-by-step program that takes just 30 minutes a day and comes with a daily action guide so you know exactly what to do each day to become more confident and charismatic as quickly as you can you can read all about it in the link below but i figure the best way to learn about it is to see what past members have said about it so here are just a few of the things that people have written in this first one is from a guy who joined after a breakup he says thank you so much for charisma university i thought that after completing this course i’d become a smooth talker and be able to take over a room what i didn’t realize is i get that and feel so confident myself i feel liberated thank you for creating this course this next one is from a woman who works as a clinical psychologist she says i absolutely love the content and i’m happy to pay for the modules i’m a clinical psychologist looking for material that could help my clients who have social anxiety charlie’s material is exactly what i was looking for so excited to be a member of charisma university and this last one comes from a guy who got promoted to a senior position early in his career he says i don’t even have a bachelor diploma yet they want me to fill this position and when asked why this was the answer you have great social skills which is rare for an engineer you can think quick on your feet and you are open and self-assured in your demeanor thank you so much for all that you have taught me you have truly changed my life because without cu i wouldn’t have qualified for that position in a million lifetimes you’ll see more success stories like these in the comments if you decide to join the course if you do join it comes with a 60 60-day money-back guarantee which is 100 for any reason at all we make it 60 days even though the course is only 30 days because we want to make sure that you truly feel like you’ve gotten massive value from the course if you want to learn more click the link on screen now or below in the description we’ve had thousands of people join so far and get a ton out of it and i’d love for you to do the same either way i hope you enjoyed this video and i look forward to seeing you in the next one

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31 Comments

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  1. He’s respectful, classy, kind, thoughtful, intelligent, humble, generous, talented, fun, gentlemanly charismatic, well dressed and groomed & has a nice voice and body. Not a bad face either with nice bone structure and dreamy eyes.

  2. I think true self-confidence is not about following any so-called "tricks" but it's about being totally ok with yourself. Its about wholeheartedly accepting yourself, loving yourself, and being happy and at ease with what or who you are, without bothering too much about what others might think about you. Without any comparison or judgment with anyone or anything else. In fact, trying to follow such tips and ricks can actually make you more self-conscious and anxious instead of being more natural, relaxed and going with the flow.

  3. He is an Intelligent wise man, that is automatically charming
    He is an Aquarius
    He is an Introvert and talks less, But his Posh British accent, makes everything POSH

  4. There is one thing you should learn.
    A Connection with a woman is changing your life.
    So you should not fall in love in the first moment you see her.
    You should test if the person is fitting to you.

    So you don't have to be shy, because you should not be interested in her, if you don't know anything about her.
    Maybe she looks beautiful, but that not means that your life with her is good.

    Instead try to find out, how she is thinking. Can you laughing with her.
    But there ist one thing you will only find out if you are connected with her and that is the most important point.
    Will she be happy with you, if you don't change your behaviour or will she try to change you.

    If she try to change you, forget it. Make your point clear that she has to accept you, how you are.
    If she can't, run and leave her.

  5. The example with Tom right at the start was acting – that wasn't genuine nervousness. He understands those traits and deliberately used them for comedy effect.

  6. Jordan Peterson uses LONG mid-sentence pauses. It makes you look intelligent as if you are formulating something complicated in your head before saying it, even if the real reason is that you are nervous.