How To Make People Respect You If You’re Quiet


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when most people are asked to picture someone quiet or shy they picture someone meek someone who lacks confidence but that isn’t always the case in fact you can be quiet while still radiating massive confidence and commanding respect from the people around you so in this video we’ll go through four tricks you can use to be charismatic without needing to be loud or over the top let’s start with an area many quiet people struggle with how to grab and hold attention in conversation this is often difficult for quiet people you end up talked over by the louder people in the group for instance here’s a great example of how will smith grabs hold of a conversation simply by being the loudest i mean it’s a business based on rejection and the easiest form of it is just going on the internet but don’t they just say you’re cute and stuff like that no no no no no no no no i liked him in bad boys he got some big ass ears dude [Music] there’s nothing wrong with enthusiastically chiming in if you have something you want to say but if you’re quiet your voice on its own may not be enough to command the group’s attention luckily there’s a trick you can steal from keanu reeves to make sure you don’t get ignored watch this next clip and pay attention to keanu’s hands for context jamie dornan just told graeme norton about his first childhood acting gig i’d like to that joseph asked you again what hey i’m sorry how old were you that’s tough yeah nobody made an adjustment to the dialogue even if you’re the quietest person in the room if you signal with your hands one second before you go to speak it’ll capture attention keanu uses a similar trick to maintain attention while he speaks for example watch him describe his motorcycle accident in this next clip notice how his hand gestures captivate the people around him despite his quiet speaking voice i ended up sitting on the ground and then that bike was lying over there and then my tooth was cut in half and i had blood in my mouth and then the guy came over and he was freaking out but i was in shock so i was like it’s okay by taking up space with your hands while you speak you signal that even though you’re speaking quietly you deserve to be heard there’s another trick you can use if you’re speaking quietly if you want to hold someone’s attention hold their eye contact what you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons she wants to tell the world he’s mine he belongs to me not you she marks her man with her lips yes madman is scripted but this is just as effective in real life whether you’re flirting or giving a pitch at work holding eye contact works wonders at conveying confidence and keeping someone engaged if holding prolonged eye contact makes you nervous you’re in luck yes it’s incredibly hard to command respect if you don’t make eye contact at all but looking away at times either when you’re forming thoughts or remembering a story can actually make your conversation feel more genuine the key isn’t to make unblinking eye contact but to make sure you return to making eye contact once you’ve figured out what to say george clooney is a fantastic person to model for this boomerang style of eye contact here’s a quick example of it while george is talking about his kids you know he goes outside and hugs my car car and he hugs it which is it’s bad when i’m driving yeah that seems dangerous that’s really not yeah he gets right in the wheel well um and then and then my daughter stuff my wife’s closet with purses going mine the last common mistake most quiet people make when speaking is they take big pauses at the ends of their sentences this leaves you vulnerable to being cut off not necessarily because people don’t respect you but because they think you’re done speaking but it can feel disrespectful all the same so instead make sure to take your pauses mid-sentence this will make it obvious you aren’t done speaking and make you a more captivating speaker for example listen to emin watson in this next clip for context she’s discussing the surprising benefit of reading critical instagram comments but what i wanted to say was i also i also got some useful critical feedback um that i wouldn’t have got i wouldn’t have maybe heard if i hadn’t been engaging in that way and engaging in that space a one second pause is also a great way to make something funnier here’s a quick example of ryan gosling from the graham norton show notice how his habit of pausing makes his story funnier was it cellophane you want to do so my parents came upon a truck of cellophane somehow i was asked not to ask too many questions i didn’t now if you’re quiet or shy you may want to radiate confidence or command respect but you probably don’t feel the need to have the spotlight on you at all times the way other needier personalities might so one nice trick to redirect attention while still being charismatic is to share praise with others watch this clip of chris hemsworth talking about thor ragnarok on jimmy kimmel to see what i mean by the way i saw the movie last night this might be the best marvel movie of all of them i don’t know how they keep doing it it’s unbelievable i’ll tell you how it was taken waititi our he is the director of the movie he did such a great job with this movie yeah chris is the title character and a huge reason why the film got such great reviews yet he instantly redirects the praise to taika for his directing this habit is super helpful in any team environment whether it’s sports group projects or your job some people get this wrong because they mistakenly think the best way to earn respect is to try to take all the credit for everything you’re involved in ironically by sharing the praise with others you earn respect both for your achievement and for your humility and as a bonus if the teammates you’re praising hear you shared credit with them they’ll like you more keanu reeves is notorious for this it’s not uncommon for an actor to overstate how many of their own stunts they do but keanu does the opposite he’s quick to praise his stunt man even naming him on national television just to help him get recognition okay so i’ll do some fight scenes and then john wick will get hit by a car and that’s jackson spidel who is amazing yes he’s an amazing stunt man yes he gets hit by the car you do quite a lot of your own stunts don’t you i don’t do any stunts but i do action there’s much action people do stunts but but no but hang on i don’t get hit by a car [Music] they don’t like it i love that i love that you say that the key here isn’t to duck compliments entirely or downplay your own accomplishments keanu admits he does a lot of the action seats just not the stunts so in your own life acknowledge the compliment with a heartfelt thank you and then redirect the praise to the other people who contributed that way it isn’t about lowering yourself it’s about elevating others now that we’ve covered some tricks for when you’re speaking let’s talk about how to exude confidence even when you’re listening simply by using your body language loud people tend to have louder body language with a lot of movement and energy it’s easy to mistakenly think this is the only way to be charismatic especially because when most people think of someone who’s quietly listening they picture someone sitting stiffly like michael cera here you’re one of the people that when i see on the big screen i wonder to myself what is their life like off the big screen no not to michael he was young and has come into his own as he’s aged but contrast that clip with george clooney here whose body language isn’t big or loud but it is relaxed and confident you do hold the whole story together you bring this guy yes yeah yeah so uh so tell us about it okay okay you do the work exactly especially when you’re sitting while you listen there’s a few specific things you can do to project confidence lean back sit asymmetrically and take up the unoccupied space around you you see all three in this next clip with matthew mcconaughey notice how it creates a comfortable confident thin slice all right um i’ll tell you something matthew you know what he told me well one take and that’s all you really need there’s one more trick you can use to command respect and radiate confidence if you’re quiet and this one is actually probably easier for you because you’re naturally quiet it’s being non-reactive there’s a good cinematic example of this in the witcher when jennifer is yelling at gerald and he remains non-reactive did you escape who knows what havoc it’ll read now that it has no vessel at all no more havoc than you and jinns are only dark creatures when they’re held captive how can you be so sure kobe’s viral moment against matt barnes is another great example of how sometimes not reacting is all it takes to look confident being non-reactive shows you feel comfortable in your ability to handle whatever is happening it’s hard not to respect someone who keeps their cool in a situation where most people would lose it that said you don’t have to be stoic to command respect or show confidence a great example of this was ryan gosling’s viral reaction at the oscars in if you don’t remember his movie la la land was originally announced as the winner of best picture only to have it taken away the crowd looks horrified but ryan is smiling listen to him explain why here i thought someone had been hurt you know the the way everyone was talking amongst themselves it felt like someone had had a heart attack or worse and it felt like some someone was in danger and then i found out that they just read the wrong name [Music] the ability to laugh or even just quietly smile in a situation where other people might freak out screams of self-confidence you’re basically saying whatever this is i’m facing i know i’ll be okay of course the goal here isn’t to fake that you’re okay while freaking out on the inside it’s to cultivate a genuinely strong deep internal confidence once you do that you’ll naturally command respect in situations where most people would panic or get nervous now the tips in this video should instantly help you project confidence but building that strong internal confidence does take a bit more time if you want the fastest way i know of to build that unshakable confidence check out our program charisma university it’s a 30-day program that comes with step-by-step daily guides to show you exactly how to build unshakeable confidence and it takes just 30 minutes a day you’ll also learn how to start a conversation with anyone you see crush small talk and consistently make an amazing first impression we’ve had thousands of people join the program and get a ton out of it here are just a few of the things that some past members have said i had confidence in some areas but not in others then charisma university changed that for me since beginning the program i have seen noticeable changes in my life it has helped me unlock the confidence that comes with knowing that i can go into any social situation and crush it it costs less than half the price of one course at my college but has had a far bigger impact on me than any traditional class i’ve ever enrolled in this next one is from a guy whose social life improved he says it has truly been incredible i’ve instantly had results that seem insane so many more meaningful connections my friendships have improved and my interactions with total strangers are a new exciting fulfilling thing i want to recommend this to everyone this should be in our basic education system and this last one is from someone who says it’s been life-changing your course has been life-changing to the point where i wake up in the mornings feeling like i’ve been transferred to a new person’s body the person i kept dreaming about becoming before i found charisma on command it is incredible i’ve found myself and i’ve found what makes me happy you’ll see more success stories like these in the comments if you do decide to join the course and if you join the course comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee unlike other online courses this is not an action-based guarantee meaning there are no hoops to jump through you have 60 days which is enough time to go through the course twice and if you don’t think it was worth every penny you can just ask for a refund and you’ll get it we do this to make sure that every single member truly feels like they’re getting a ton of value from the course if you want to learn more about it you can click the link on screen now or below in the description either way i really hope you enjoyed this video and i look forward to seeing you in the next one

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37 Comments

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  1. Just watching how I blasted all over the "place" in less than a month was shocking, I used what I talked about the other day, and although it actually took about 5 weeks for my volume to double, I just go'ogled Jan Venstaker's Shooting Ropes and her reaction has been priceless!

  2. Watching this before work tomorrow. First time in 6 months I have to go in the office and be around team I usually never interact with. Some of them are mean and cliquey. I’m also down on energy and patience. So came here to try and find a way to still appear functional and not look like I don’t want to be there. It’s a quarterly business thing so I have to show face. Just want to expend the minimal amount of energy.

  3. Extremely practical advice! For the first trick, it actually includes eye contact and pause mid-sentence in addition to hand signals. I took detailed video notes✍on this video on my website in case you are interested.

  4. Loud people and loud body language looks like people are try-hards to me. You can look cooler if you don't do it – as in Clint Eastwood Dirty Harry. These people are all celebrities – they are at the height of the social pyramid and so cannot equate with the many non celebs watching this vid. Where you stand with others already is where much of your social command lies.

  5. I wasn't convinced at first, but watching how I blasted all over the "place" in less than a month was shocking, I used what I talked about the other day, and although it actually took about 5 weeks for my volume to double, I just go'ogled Jan Venstaker's Shooting Ropes and her reaction has been priceless!

  6. I'm invigorated by the depth and impact of this material. A book with akin themes provided a significant shift in my perspective. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn

  7. I was quiet, a lot in life, because people wanted to assume what I was rather than listen to what I had to say. Also I didn't like some of them. So I didn't talk to them.

    Communicating with someone, and having predetermined ideals about them, is pretty much a bridge burner before it's even built.

  8. I got so tired of being ignored and interrupted all my life up to about age 27, that I just finally gave it back and whoever fell off, fell off. Good riddance. I didn't care. Now, it's become an offense tactic that I've been learning to reign in a little. But give me equal air time and respect or I'm not sticking around.

  9. Just watching how I blasted all over the "place" in less than a month was shocking, I used what I talked about the other day, and although it actually took about 5 weeks for my volume to double, I just go'ogled Jan Venstaker's Shooting Ropes and her reaction has been priceless!

  10. The sitting comfortably and taking up space to express confidence while listening is great but we ladies cannot sit that way… are there examples of women?

  11. These are good tips but the title of the video is wrong. It doesn’t explain how to avoid being ignored if we’re not speaking, just how to be more listened too while speaking