How To Stop Caring What Other People Think Of You


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whether we admit it or not we’ve all felt insecure at different points in our lives and that insecurity can hold you back from things like pursuing your dream job approaching someone you want to connect with or just feeling good about yourself but it doesn’t have to be that way there are tricks you can learn to actually use your insecurities to your advantage to instantly look more confident and eventually to build deep genuine confidence and stop caring so much what other people think about you that’s exactly what we’ll be covering today in this video featuring pete davidson someone who has stated many times that he battles with insecurity yet still has a lot of friends relationships and career success pete has also mastered the ability to talk about his flaws in a way that makes him seem extremely likable and confident for a quick example watch him talk about what it was like being uglier than his ex ariana grande it’s so funny to walk down the street because like dudes are walking by and they’re like some dude with me was like yo man you like gave me hope common misconception is that being insecure means you think about the things that make you less than perfect but actually what makes you insecure is thinking that being less than perfect is a bad thing if you can accept your imperfections it’ll lead to deep confidence the first tip to do this is to embrace that you aren’t good at everything most people try to pretend that they’re good at everything and avoid situations where they won’t look good but pete volunteers to go on what the fit with kevin hart even though he’s an out of shape asthmatic watch how he handles it after having an asthma attack in front of kevin hart and at least a dozen other people oh jesus i can hold us down in here okay i want you yeah yeah i’m 100 your friend most people would feel shame but pete can’t stop laughing just by laughing he makes are we still friends go from an insecure question to a joke that makes kevin laugh the mindset you want to adopt is that nothing is inherently embarrassing people ping off you to decide if what you said or did is embarrassing or not just by smiling and laughing you convey that you aren’t ashamed of whatever’s happening when you know nothing can embarrass you you release the impulse to worry about what other people think here’s another quick example most people told that they don’t have the talent for something would have one of two reactions they get sad or they get defensive watch how pete reacts instead you think i could be a good rapper oh my god no is that true i don’t think so either laughing shows you’re unfazed and being unfazed by something that might offend other people makes you look and feel confident this only works if you can genuinely find humor in the situation so how do you start to build the confidence to find humor in situations you potentially feel insecure one trick to start building confidence is to answer questions honestly in situations where most people would lie oftentimes awkwardness anxiety insecurity they come from you thinking the truth isn’t good enough and that you have to lie or pretend things are other than they are for example most people when asked by a friend why they do their job will avoid saying money even if it’s clearly a money motivated job because it’s not considered an admirable motive by contrast watch how pete responds when asked how he got involved with mortal kombat 11. it’s my favorite number yeah also well they are paying me to be here to talk about it oh wow that’s really thank you for being honest yeah no yeah you know i’m trying to get a helicopter to coachella honesty when someone isn’t expecting it is refreshing and will make people like and respect you more but more importantly you’re training your brain that you don’t have to be ashamed of who you are pete does this even with more serious issues like his mental health while most people would try to hide something like having borderline personality disorder pete has the exact opposite mindset i’m sorry are you like bragging so what if i am so what i love being mentally ill i’m so relieved you know that everybody knows that now i don’t have to hide anything this doesn’t mean that you should force your insecurities into conversation just be honest if something comes up most people create a vicious cycle for themselves you feel insecure so you try to hide parts of yourself in order to be liked this signals to your brain that you aren’t good enough as you actually are which reinforces your feeling of insecurity one other tip when you’re talking about something you’re potentially insecure about use a nonchalant tone of voice watch pete talk about some cosmetic surgery he got any recent purchases no i’ve been chilling i got new teeth so i have to chill on getting some sneakers all right just wanna let everybody know these are temporaries i’m aware that they might look a little a little fake but that’s because the realer ones are coming tomorrow once you’ve gotten comfortable with being honest about who you are you can start to harness your insecurities using self-deprecating jokes the first and easiest way to do this is to just say your insecurity out loud speaking through a smile for example watch pete talk about being on snl so that’s good five years in you’re happy to be there yeah cause like i don’t deserve to be there so like i just i feel like i’m getting away with it it really can be that simple if you want a tip to make sure you get a laugh use specificity for example here’s a quick clip of pete talking about kanye sticking him with a bill he couldn’t really afford treat with your credit card yeah you know pay you know sure buy my boy birthday dinner and then uh kanye goes let’s get the special room in the back he could have just said he didn’t have enough money but listen to how he gets that point across and i was like oh no so we’re sitting in there and i’m like i’m like texting my my touring agent i’m like yo you got to book more shows [Laughter] getting real here’s another quick example again he could have just said his girlfriend is more successful than he is but listen to how he presents it you uh bought a pet yeah we got a pig you got a pig yo can i just say like this this girl like she was like i want a pig and then an hour later it was just there you know what i mean like i’m still trying to get like a propecia refill the key here is self-amusement that’s why this comes after embracing who you are your goal isn’t to make jokes that make other people laugh but make you feel bad it’s to make yourself laugh so start with jokes about things you aren’t super insecure about and then expand your comfort zone over time as you get used to it when you’re able to genuinely have fun at your own expense you’ll start to free yourself from caring so much what other people think ironically you’ll also look more confident and more likable to the people around you the last habit we’ll highlight from pete today doesn’t directly tie into not caring what other people think about you it’s just a generally great habit that makes people love being around you and makes you look confident that is to raise up the people around you we all see traits in other people that we envy or admire a common mistake some people make is to keep that to themselves they worry that if you highlight the good in others it’ll make you look bad in comparison so you bite your tongue by contrast pete is very complimentary to the people around him you know rob a little bit yeah i think he’s one of the greatest actors of our generation he’s incredible and yeah you can see rob’s face lights up at the compliment giving compliments is something that can go really well or very poorly depending on how you do it so in the description we’ll link to another video called how to be charming in any conversation that goes into detail on what makes a good well-received compliment the mental upside of getting in this habit of complimenting people is you stop viewing the world as a competition and when you build the habit of seeing and saying the good in other people you’ll have an easier time seeing the good in yourself if the idea of giving someone a direct compliment like that makes you uncomfortable you can start by complimenting people when they aren’t around this is something pete regularly does here are a few examples of him talking about his friends my boy birthday dinner you know because he’s like the greatest he’s he’s the best musician that’s ever lived and yeah one thing no one knows about coulson as well i think people are starting to know but he’s really hilarious and like a genuinely one of the nicest people i’ve ever met i just want to say like kim and kanye the cutest couple ever very very sweet people and like i had a really good time with them yeah they’re great yeah don’t say it if you don’t mean it you’ve probably noticed by now but an overarching theme in this video is the power of being authentic and dropping your verbal filter so your goal isn’t to force yourself to say something nice you aren’t thinking it’s to say out loud whenever you are thinking something nice if you want a more in-depth guide on how to become more confident i highly recommend you check out the six pillars of self-esteem by nathaniel brandon it has some fascinating insights into the common habits we have that destroy our self-esteem every day as well as some quick daily exercises to help you build a strong foundation of confidence and you can get it for free thanks to our sponsor for this video audible if you want to check it out go to audible.com charisma or text charisma to 500 500. audible is my favorite audiobook platform it’s a great way to take down time like driving or doing errands and transform it into productive time where you’re learning and improving yourself by joining audible you get a credit every month to use on any title in their premium selection regardless of price you also get access to their plus catalog with thousands of audiobooks podcasts and guided meditations that you can listen to for free with your membership again if you want to try it out you can go to audible.com charisma or text charisma to 500 500 and get a free 30-day trial including any audiobook you want i highly recommend the six pillars of self-esteem either way i hope you liked this video i want to thank our editing team of andre theresa and ivan for their hard work on editing it thank you so much for watching it and hopefully we’ll see you in the next one

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35 Comments

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  1. I have a lot of tendon injuries and it's prevented me from doing heavy manly activities. As soon as I started playfully calling myself physically weak and laugh about it, I felt so much better. It feels relieving that you can joke about yourself and people will find it funny

  2. This works if people are interested in u in the first place…. If u just start laughing at urself when no one around u is talking to u… There will be dfferent results 😂

  3. The human brain ultimately wants the meat bucket it's piloting around to succeed. Serotonin is the molecule that gives you the confidence to try risky things. For most people, the reason why your brain won't throw you some serotonin is because it doesn't think you can handle the risks you would take if you had more of it. The best solution for most people is to give your brain rock solid evidence that you can handle risk. The more evidence you give the brain, the more serotonin it will let you have because it thinks you can handle it.

    All rizz is just earned serotonin.

    A person who can handle risk is organized and orderly (if you can pack a parachute correctly every time, skydiving is a risk you can handle).

    A person who can handle risk does what they say they will do. They do not lie to themselves for any reason, or lie to others to defend themselves from the truth.

    Now that you're organized, and don't lie to yourself, you can see what you're working with: your strengths and weaknesses. If you're not very smart, you can work on that by reading a book. If you're not very attractive, you can work on that by hitting the gym. Girls have makeup, and guys have gains.

    If you do ANY of that, let alone all of that, your brain will begin to trust you to take on more risk, which means more serotonin, which means more confidence. Confidence by itself helps you handle more risk, which means you brain will trust you to take on even more risk, and give you even more serotonin, etc.

    Somewhere along this journey, you and your brain will trust each other enough to make a plain for life. It will probably start out simple, maybe a sentence like: "I want to use my brain to solve problems for other people." Or maybe: "I want to represent something at the very edge of my understanding through art." The longer you aim toward your sentence, the more detailed it will become. Then you'll make a mistake in life and realize you don't want exactly what you thought you wanted. But because you keep giving your brain good reasons to believe you can handle risk, your brain will try and support you when you try again.

    Lastly, even if you have all of this dialed in the max, your brain cannot produce a single drop of serotonin without an amino acid called Tryptophan. Your body cannot make its own tryptophan, so you have to get it from your diet. There is exactly zero tryptophan in a Pop-Tart. Real meat and tofu have loads of it, though, which is why eating healthy food actually matters, especially for depressed people (which is basically all of us in the West).

    That is all.

  4. I think it's more than a stretch to say that "MOST people try to pretend that they're good at everything," or that "MOST people who are told that they don't have talent for something will get sad or defensive." Where are you getting your sampling from? Elementary schools?

  5. Former SNL stars are baffled about he's mysteriously coddled. Protected classes have faux confidence. Simple – things come easy. A real confident person has zero protection and support, and yet accomplishes everything – but that goes unappreciated in todays perception managed world. Pete D is not funny AT ALL, and has a 'junkie face' and skin tone. No genuine appeal. He's just being used, and promoted. Chosen. Take away his protection and see how well he does. He doesn't even show up to work sometimes, and all is somehow OK. He's probably not aware he's verifiably treated special. That's where the "confidence" comes from.

  6. I don’t know why he looks so creepy to me. He doesn’t seem funny at all and he always looks like he’s hiding something. He does have a lot of confidence and he’s always smiling so I guess he’s cool with me