If You Want Respect, Speak Like A Leader


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the character ted lasso is probably most well known for his wildly positive attitude ed higgins hey three’s a crowd hey that’s a crowd i don’t mind being smack dab in the middle of buddy this is an awesome trait that we may cover in a future video but in today’s video we’re actually going to dive into leadership while the show is pure fiction ted demonstrates techniques that real-life leaders like steve jobs larry page and phil jackson use to achieve incredible success if you already naturally do these things it’s a sign that under the right circumstances you could be a fantastic leader although people may not give you quite as much loyalty as ted gets in the show fellas i can watch you do this jaunty north korean military thing you do all day but i need a favor we’ll die for you coach okay so let’s get into the details of leading people and more specifically being someone that people want to follow we’ll show some clips with plot spoilers for season one but we won’t touch on season two the first sign of a great leader is that they make everyone on the team feel like they matter the show illustrates this well on ted’s very first day as a coach of his new team when he meets the team’s equipment manager you see a small habit here but it’s an important one so we’re supposed to meet with rebecca welton yeah that’s when i’m taking you oh look at this guy one step ahead hey what’s your name by the way me yeah no one ever asked my name and then later that day we see this you continue to impress nathan you remember my name this may seem like cliche tv stuff but making people feel like they matter is a core part of being a leader author simon sinek lays it out well in this next clip he’s explaining the test of a good leader according to a marine corps general he knows there’s a three-star general in the marine corps he says his test for leadership and i love this he goes his test really a good leader is if you ask somebody how their day is going you actually care about the answer the big mistake that most people make is to only tap into that genuine interest with their bosses or socially when they’re talking to the most attractive person in a group this is a common mistake and it hurts you twice not only does it make the people you’re blowing off feel like you don’t care it also makes the people you’re trying to get to like you dislike you because it creates the feeling that you’re a taker or a user you’re only giving them attention because you want something from them so the best thing you can do as a good person and for your own self-interest is to make everyone feel like they matter without weighing what you think they’ll be able to do for you ted lays it out well here you guys see the way i see it okay everybody in this building part of the team part of afc richmond team’s gotta bond now while you may consider everyone a part of the team that doesn’t mean that everyone else automatically bought in or cares about your goals as a leader in fact most people probably care mostly about themselves ted star player jamie tartt takes this to the extreme after he scores a goal check it out and thanks to budding superstar jamie tartt richmond are right back in it at 2-1 in the 29th minute what’s he yelling me he’s pointing at the name on his back and repeatedly yelling me now most people you’re trying to lead won’t be quite so obvious about it but that’s probably not too far off from some people’s internal monologue so what you want to do as a leader is align your goals instead of trying to get them to do something that’s good for you get them to do something that’s good for them that also happens to be good for you that’s a sign of a natural leader you don’t try to persuade someone by talking about what you want or need simply put speak in you not i as a side note if you want to be a great leader try to help your teammates achieve their goals even when it doesn’t benefit you the show demonstrates this very well ted wants jamie to be more of a team player but what jaime wants is to be considered a great footballer listen to how ted aligns their two goals and starts the process of making jaime into both i can honestly say you are the best athlete i have ever coached you are truly great at everything you do out there except for one thing if you just figure out some way to turn that me into us this guy’s the limit for you this one speech doesn’t magically transform jaime overnight but it’s a start at least until rebecca sabotages ted now that said ultimately as a leader your goal isn’t just to get people to do what you tell them a good litter creates lieutenants they set up other people to become leaders again let’s turn to the show just to see an example this clip is from when ted was struggling to come up with new ideas for his offense so i am officially on the prowl for any new ideas you hear oh you got some night uh no uh so uh no no god no never mind i’m sorry come on now but you’re one of us let’s go fire away what do you got okay ted thinks anyone is capable of good ideas and so he solicits nate to speak up in this next clip you’ll see that he also forces nate to actually bet on himself and his idea or have it thrown out but you know what it’s not very even very good it’s probably really bad you know what’s embarrassing even i’m sorry nate i have a real tricky time hearing folks that don’t believe in themselves so i’m gonna ask you real quick again do you think this idea will work yeah i do whoa why are you screaming at us nate we’re right here all right come on now walk us through it this may also seem like something that only works in a scripted tv show but phil jackson one of the best nba coaches of all time had a similar philosophy here are a few quotes of his from his book on leadership i always tried to foster an environment in which everybody played a leadership role from the most unschooled rookie to the veteran superstar the most effective approach is to nurture everyone else’s leadership skills when i did that it paradoxically strengthens my role as a leader this philosophy that anyone is capable of a great idea is also similar to google’s 20 project before google’s ipo co-founder larry page codified the project by saying we encourage our employees to spend 20 percent of their time working on whatever they think will be most beneficial to google and google credits this with some of their biggest innovations you don’t even have to try every single idea that’s suggested to you in order to be a good leader the sign of a good leader is if you’re genuinely open to ideas outside of your own there’s another aspect to creating lieutenants that the tv show does a good job of showing watch this next clip for an example of it after nate tries to write a pre-game speech for ted read through your thoughts yeah they’re great and i agree with every last one but i can’t say this here but i need to hear it i agree that’s why you’re gonna do it are you drunk you’re giving the pre-game talk you’re reading this a good leader lets people get the credit for what they’ve done a common mistake people make when they’re in charge of something for the first time is to try to hoard all the credit for themselves but a good leader knows that if you feel proud of your work you’re going to work harder and do better in that last example ted read the speech and actually made sure it was good then he pushes nate to give it himself and it’s a huge step in nate’s career ted’s lack of ego also lets him actively solicit feedback and try to improve this is one of the first things he does when he gets to his new team and if the internet has told us anything it’s that sometimes it’s easier to speak our minds anonymously right so i asked nate here to make us a good old-fashioned suggestion box hey look at that yeah did it with my niece she loves crafts yeah i love glimpses into your personal life it’s lovely if you haven’t seen the show this comes at a time when ted knows he’s not very well liked by his new team to them he’s a random american coaching a sport he knows nothing about but he still makes it anonymous because he actually wants to know how to improve his team even if it means wading through a ton of insulting comments to get there wanker let’s see what else we got piss off wanker i hope you choke on a big mac good thing these are anonymous you know roy signed that one right oh here’s a good one shower pressure is rubbish even if you’re not currently a leader this idea of soliciting feedback is one of the most powerful self-improvement exercises you can do for example you can do a blind spot circle that’s where you sit down with a group of close friends and ask them for honest feedback on what they think your blind spots are this can be terrifying it can lead to things you don’t want to hear and it can be an incredible catalyst for making positive change in your life it works so well because if one person tells you constructive criticism you probably have the urge to fight it or ignore it disagree but if five close friends all have the same feedback it’s hard not to at least consider it deeply just make sure to do this with a group of people who respect you and whose opinions you respect another sign of a natural leader is having the empathy to understand the people you lead simply put if you can put yourself in their shoes you’ll know how to get the best out of them if a leader isn’t able to do this they need to create a lieutenant who can do it for them here’s a quick clip from the show to illustrate the point notice that ted’s assistant coach is quick to assume a struggling player just doesn’t have talent but ted’s empathy clues him in to that it might be something else yes it’s nigeria maybe the membership’s too much fun no he just needs to get a little more comfy here that’s all only turns 20 on saturday there we go birthday you know we’ll do something special for him nudge that ship in the right direction yeah different things motivate different people some need tough love some need positive reinforcement some need a mix of both some people need to be told exactly what to do and others excel when given a goal and freedom to achieve it however they see fit if you want to be a good leader take the time to understand what motivates someone if you can empathize with someone instead of demonizing them you’ll be better at aligning incentives rewarding them motivating them and predicting what projects they’ll succeed at once you do empower someone to succeed the next habit of a good leader comes into play celebrate other people’s wins a theme you’ve probably already noticed is that if you want to be a good leader you need to get people excited to follow you part of that process that many leaders ignore is making people feel appreciated the show does a good job of highlighting the power of this albeit with over-the-top enthusiasm because it is still a tv show ted loves to praise and reward people who are helpful for instance he celebrates rebecca for helping to block a bad paparazzi photo so i spoke to the owner of the sun you spoke to god no the newspaper oh and he has agreed to not run the photo of you and keely mvp mvp left leg yes yes okay thank you ted sorry yeah bad leaders actually get their emotional reactions backwards they react to good work with mild praise and they save their big emotional reactions for when they’re yelling at people because they screwed up now that said as a leader you do need to create an environment where bad actions have consequences but the key is to do it in a matter-of-fact way and not become someone who takes joy in punishing other people this next scene shows it well for context if you don’t watch the show jaime is faking an injury here in protest of being moved to the bench and he’s basically refusing to practice unless he starts tell you what do me a favor will you get out there set the cones so the other reserves could do a little passing drill i will say it’s quite nice seeing jamie put in his place forms thrilling even no no no no this is a no shot in freud zone right nine chardon freud all right being able to strike that balance of celebrating when people do well and having consequences for if they do something bad is a sign of strong leadership now these last two habits are signs of a natural leader that have less to do with other people and more to do with your own mindset the first is a belief in a motivating vision steve jobs has the best iconic story of this when steve was young and needed an all-star ceo for apple he was able to poach john scully from pepsi this was a huge win because at the time pepsi was much larger and more well regarded so how is steve jobs able to convince john to quit and come to apple listen to john describe what happened and then he looked up at me and just stared at me with this stare that only steve jobs has and he said do you want to sell sugar water for the rest of your life or do you want to come with me and change the world by framing pepsi as a company that just makes sugar water steve reframes his job offer this isn’t about money or prestige anymore it’s not about which company is bigger it’s about doing something that’s meaningful quote unquote motivating people towards a random goal they don’t care about will be a constant battle against inaction because they don’t care about what you’re trying to achieve you also heard there how john specifically mentions steve’s eye contact that’s because it’s not just about saying you’re going to do something big anyone can do that it’s about sub-communicating with your non-verbals that you really believe it’ll happen in a word it’s conviction ted shows that belief in his team even after suffering a season-ending loss and demotion to a lower league so the next year we get ourselves a promotion which looks good on any resume then we come back to this league and we do something that no one believes we could ever do win the whole [ __ ] thing there you are that said don’t deny reality this is a major mistake some people make when first becoming a leader they want to be optimistic and show they have faith in their team so they pretend things are going better than they actually are you cannot get where you want to go until you admit where you currently are the show writers knew that even the eternal optimist ted couldn’t believably turn around a team without acknowledging that they’re not in a good place and they need to shake things up you can watch the scene here got ourselves a tie game that’s work fellas we’re broken we need to change if you’re unwilling to admit where you’re weak or what areas of your life aren’t where you want them to be then you’ll never be able to put the work in to get better this is something a lot of people struggle with especially when it relates to things like leadership confidence and social skills it’s extremely common to tell yourself lies like well i didn’t get that promotion because life’s unfair it’s harder to admit i didn’t get it because i don’t do great work or i don’t have the people skills to make my boss like me similarly it’s easy to go to a bar and tell your friends no one here is attractive it’s harder to admit yes that person is attractive but i’m scared to talk to them before you can improve you need to be able to take an honest assessment of where you are and how near or far you actually are from where you want to be does that ring true or strike a nerve is there an area in your own life where you secretly wish you were doing better acknowledge it accept it even if you don’t like it and that will allow you to improve in that area now depending on what that area is you may like our 30-day program on charisma and confidence charisma and confidence aren’t a magical cure-all for all your problems although i wish i could say they are but if you’re someone that wishes you had more friends or stronger friendships a better dating life better 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do the same people write us about new promotions new jobs new friends new confidence even marriages that they say would never have happened without charisma university i had confidence in some areas but not in others then charisma university changed that for me since beginning the program i have seen noticeable changes in my life it has helped me unlock the confidence that comes with knowing that i can go into any social situation and crush it it costs less than half the price of one course at my college but it has had a far bigger impact on me than any traditional class i’ve enrolled in another member wrote in i’ve always been bad at expressing myself in situations that weren’t one-on-one in conversations i find myself hesitant to speak or i get caught in my own head overthinking things after cu i am now way more confident in saying what i think and how i feel even in bigger group settings i feel much more happy all the time i was even able to talk to a woman i’ve had a crush on for about a year and made a great first impression overall i love this course and i keep going back to it when i need a refresher on the daily action modules and lastly one member writes thank you so much for this program after going through charisma i’ve made more friends have higher self-esteem and can more easily talk to people i don’t know i’ve solidified my values and i know who i am if you want to see if the program is right for you you can click the link on screen now or in the description below to learn more about it either way i hope you enjoyed this video i really appreciate you taking the time to watch it and i hope to see you in the next one

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42 Comments

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  1. So the blind spot circle thing is kinda huge. The US Army has an entire leadership school dedicated to addressing those kinds of oversights; it's called the Red Team and it would be awesome if more of our leadership could attend it.

  2. Your comment equating the corruption charges against Trump and Netanyahu is despicable. This is an example of trial by media. I am not following the Trump trials, but am following Netanyahu's and not only is his trial ongoing (and therefore not guilty till proven otherwise) , but most of the allegations against Netanyahu have been dropped and most of the evidence has been either manufactured or acquired illegally. What are courts for if you can so casually repeat your ignorant mantra.

  3. I believe that, for smart people, all points can be pretty obvious… except for create believe and make people follow you. Chrasima can be worked, but if you are not a naturel leader, the last step is difficult.

  4. This is literally how I raised my daughter. No one taught me these skills; I was just mindful that she would be an adult some day and I wanted her to be successful and well-adjusted. She just got a first class honours degree and was employed in a job she loves before finishing uni.
    I always taught her to be happy about her friends' successes; and gave her age appropriate truths and I always re-evaluated how I was doing as a parent by monitoring her behaviour.
    Obviously there were rough patches and a few years of, "I haaaate you!" but now it's all love and mutual respect and "thank you for not ignoring my narcissistic and anti-social behaviour, I hated you the most when I knew you were right and could see straight through me, but I just couldn't admit you were right at the time, but now I see those behaviours in others and it's so transparent and self-absorbed it makes me cringe."
    All babies are self-absorbed and all children go through phases were they pretended to be perfect; lie; cheat; manipulate etc. and they have to be coaxed out of this as they grow. Any parent who says their child never did these things is either deluded or a liar and most definitely a poor to average parent.
    Children require great leadership to become successful and happy and I think these skills are generally innate in women and surface during motherhood but are also repressed in many mothers by the pressures of modern life.
    Skills learned in motherhood should be transferable and highly regarded, but we live in a world where they are often wasted because loud, brash extroverts are often assumed to have the skills that go unnoticed in their quieter, more introverted colleagues.

  5. 1) Google a really poor example of leadership, they essential steal everyone else's ideas 2) Steve Jobs was a brilliant marketer but was a monster of a person and hated by most of his employees 3) And why do you show so much Wolf of Wall Street content in many of your videos, Jordan Belfort is a convicted criminal and felon, is pure evil, greedy and a helmet. Not great examples!

  6. I often make a comparison of these very traits between Captain Kirk and Captain Picard from Star Trek. Captain Kirk is a capable, bright, and caring commander. However, he typically takes on the weight of decisions on his own and only refers to Bones or Spock in particularly troublesome challenges, and usually behind closed doors. Picard, however, will take his team in to the conference room and discuss the challenges in front of them. They break down the problem or challenge. Picard will then listen to his teams suggestions for possible solutions. Once a promising solution is developed, Picard will offer his resources and abilities to allow whomever it was that created the solution the freedom to develop HOW they want to create that solution in a supportive fashion. This allows his crew under him to develop into leaders themselves making the crew as a whole stronger, more competent leaders themselves, which in turn, allows the crew as a whole to take on greater and greater challenges. This is reflected in the number of crew members under each captain that received promotions. Kirk had a small handful of people move up in the ranks, most notebly Bones, Scotty, Spock, Sulu and (non-cannon) Chekov. Picard however, had Riker promoted (twice), LaForge (three times) Data, Crusher (twice), Wesley (before leaving Starfleet), Worf…a ton of times–and some he refused, O'Brian, Barkley, Troi, Ro (after she returns to Starfleet), Shelby, Raffi, and on and on. And as stated in the video, this paradoxically also has a positive affect on Picard himself. Starting season 1 Picard is a cold but capable leader but over time we see how his ability to lead his team also makes him a stronger, more capable, and warmer leader himself.

  7. Ok. I just finished the Ted Lasso series. Let me tell you this. It has so many life lessons. Quotes. Statements. Character development. And it’s NOT PREDICTABLE. I promise you you swear it’s going one way and they pull an original game of thrones on you, not the last season (for many others they didn’t enjoy the last like 3 seasons). But back to my point. Ted Lasso. This character is everything I envision in a leader. I even copied the charisma Ted is so great at in an important briefing today. With the use of his nature amongst a few other external factors having more charisma made me knock the presentation out of the park. This isn’t my words. It’s theirs. So yes. Take these points to heart. Use them. I promise you they work. You’ll feel uncomfortable but trust me push through it.

  8. Min 6:00. Notice he said "their time" not our time or my time. Why?

    Cause he isn't paying for those extra 20% of hours, he is just demanding you do it as "Free work".

    I really despise these people. 😂😂😂

  9. Most corporate "leaders" are trained based on these formulaic models, which is equally disgusting and cringe-worthy. “How’s your day going?” 🙄, -sure Keith, you do care about my day! LOL

  10. really good video, love Ted Lasso and am a manager myself so lots of things that resonated for me, thanks. Shame about the last 2 minutes tho.. went on a bit long

  11. Thank you so much for this. I would not normally watch something like this, as, I truly hate football. Ted Lasso is brilliant, funny, and just so enriching. I’m sitting laughing and crying it’s so good.