3 Steps To Go From Shy To Confident


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Jumanji is back and once again the rock Kevin Hart and Jack Black are getting together all three are super charismatic we’ve covered them in previous breakdowns but today I thought it would be fun to combine their strengths and talk about how you can build rock-solid confidence from the ground up going from shy to confident and to do this I’ll be pulling from some previous videos I’ve made as well as some new clips to learn how to combine the best of Kevin Dwayne and Jack into one confident mega beast so let’s start from Ground Zero you’re new to a group no one knows you or maybe you’re even in that group for a while but you’re just shy it’s hard to feel confident when you’re being ignored or overlooked and it’s in these times that Kevin Hart’s penchant for commanding attention is exactly what you need you know when you get smacked when you a kid you get high when you get by yourself there are two important steps to commanding attention while you speak first you need to grab attention and then you have to keep it now when it comes to grabbing people’s attention giving them a reason to care goes a long way so no matter if you’re about to tell a story make a joke or contribute your opinion on something you can more easily get a group to listen by describing why what you’re about to say matters like Kevin does here and then you got you got asked to meet the President of the United States huge huge huge gym Kevin achieves the goal of gathering attention even more subtly in this next clip by hinting at a strong emotion in the story to come my frustration of making these habits can help wallflowers avoid what is unfortunately fairly common for them having their contributions in conversation ignored but if you give people a reason a strong emotion or just hinted some drama to come you build anticipation and make people more likely to listen to what you’re about to say now one thing that can be tricky if you’re shy is the penchant groups have to interrupt one another if you’re shy you’re likely to defer rather easily and potentially fall out of conversation entirely so a simple better habit to convey confidence is to be a bit less deferential when you begin to speak and one way to do this is to repeat yourself until you have the group’s attention this is a fairly extreme version but here’s what it looks like when Kevin does it right now unless I think it’s happening I’m the cool guy kevin is incredibly awkward in the way he’s helped me to be honest here I don’t think I’ve ever been now this level of persistence may feel over the top but when you’re extremely shy moving in the direction of being more assertive is often what is necessary it doesn’t mean that you need to repeat every little sentence that has talked over or that you’ll never get cut off again but it does mean that you should practice repeating yourself a few times in the event that you do get cut off even if it means coming back to a point after a short detour where the group went in a different direction now repeating yourself might get well a little bit repetitive so another simple way to grab people’s attention is by speaking a bit more loudly than usual and of course this can be in extreme cases as is here with the joke [Music] or you can simply enter into conversation with a bit of a louder tone to clear some air time to convey your ideas like here see I was a cool kid yeah always cool you can tell I never had a problem with being cool in order to keep attention once you’ve captured it having something interesting to say is of course a good thing but often not enough you’ve probably heard a teacher or professor delivering a lecture in a monotonous voice no matter how good the content is it’s easy to lose focus but look how Kevin Hart tells the story if you speak like this alternating with moments of more slowed subdued energy and then with moments of higher intensity perhaps volume and pace you keep people’s attention changing your pitch and playing characters by giving them different voices and gesticulating can be even more effective because it pulls people into the story like here when it comes to really paying in the picture Jake is there coming yeah they jump if that seems like too much for strangers you could start by practicing this habit with your friends that way it doesn’t matter if you come across is a little bit goofy moving along once you get comfortable commanding attention the most confident thing to do can be counterintuitive its to redistribute some of that attention back to other people this is where the rock style comes in he is a big dude in every way from his physical size to his gestures to a smile to his position as a triple a list celebrity so attention naturally gravitates towards him but instead of basking in the spotlight and making everything about himself dwayne takes the opposite approach he often brings it back to other people and when you make the people around you feel included and appreciated you set yourself up as a leader in any situation which of course can make your confidence skyrocket now an easy and super effective way to make feel included is by giving them recognition especially when they’re not expecting it for instance watch how Dwayne remembers and congratulate this interviewer I was really excited when I found out you’re gonna be in this movie come on second dude hold on hold on a second congratulations I know a year year and a half ago you graduated dude thank you my friend good to see you can I ask you’re out in the world you’re kicking ass hanging out with you you’re in Rio where do we get all downhill from here where do we go or take a look here where he praises the interviewers question and acknowledges his passion for his job how do they make that look like you actually fell down hit the landing and then you continue in the same oh cool question so we had a camera rig I love your questions by the way that’s why you love movies in your own life you can deliver these types of compliments after someone tells a funny story or share something that they’re proud of you pause the flow of conversation for a short bit just to let them know what you appreciate about them assuming of course that you do in fact appreciate it it is a short moment but it can mean a lot to someone now this is especially true of those people who might expect to be overlooked this can be younger colleagues at school or work or the service people at your favorite food joint a good rule of thumb when you’re in a position of high status is that if you find yourself telling a story or answering questions for more than two minutes it’s probably a good idea to bring it back to the other person by asking their opinion turning the question back on them or just starting a new more inclusive conversational thread though of course if they insist on hearing you share a story or a lesson it’s totally fine to continue now another way in which Dwayne involves other people and makes them feel appreciated is through friendly touch here you can see him expressing his love for Danny DeVito who he knows quite well at this point but for people who he might not be comfortable kissing on the head the rock also has a habit of offering enthusiastic high-fives right now I got you carrot top reese witherspoon despite how juvenile they may seem high fives are actually an easy way to spread positivity and develop confidence for leading a conversation in a more energetic direction when you offer someone a high five for any silly reason most people will follow your lead and it tends to boost both people’s mood which of course leads to both of you feeling more confident for the rest of that interaction and the last thing which you also saw in that last clip is to laugh generously it’s a simple way to give appreciation in a way that lifts everyone up and it’s especially effective once you’ve become a leader in your group so far we’ve talked about building from shyness towards greater comfort in holding attention then to spreading that attention back to others as your confidence booms but one thing that is common to both modes of being whether you’re more towards the shy or already feeling a bit more confident is the need for commitment and this is where Jack Black comes in because he fully commits to his actions that’s what makes him able to go off with hilarious bits of physical comedy like here [Applause] [Music] you see another great example of that commitment in this next clip where Jack is asked to imitate the rock and he even gets that habit of recognizing interviewers as he does so that question first of all you’re kathleen from screen junkies right now commitment can be easier said than enacted when you’re in an uncomfortable position because in those situations most of us get very stuck in our heads wondering how we’re being perceived but of course acting hesitant only makes us feel less confident which makes us come across even worse and he could see this vicious cycle in action in a young Jaden Smith in this next clip he has the right idea of repeating himself when he’s cut off but without conviction he just gets talked over and feels doubly ignored the solution then to building more conviction is actually to lowering your standards oftentimes that lack of conviction comes from an inability to simply relax and do something that you’re unfamiliar with less than perfectly to allow yourself to say something dumb or do something poorly without self reproach as Jack often does and you could see in his Dwayne Johnson rant for instance that he repeats the same words but just plows through and when he plays basketball with Kevin Hart he’s terrible but his enthusiasm makes everyone glad to have him on the court anyway [Applause] and this is yet another key Jack is committed to having fun and when you fully commit to the things that you do from that perspective of having fun most people will end up liking and respecting you no matter how ridiculous you look and even more importantly you will feel much more confident because you won’t be held back by your perceived lack of skill or talent here jack is explaining the core of this mindset so I don’t really have the moves I make up for it with just like commitment so putting all this in practice first figure out where you are on the spectrum for more shine reserved to outgoing and talkative if you’re closest I play around with speaking more loudly like Kevin Hart get a bit more into your characters when you tell story and speak is if you expect to be listened to perhaps repeating yourself if you get cut off if you’re already more of an outgoing leader you might try laughing a little bit bigger at other people’s jokes like the rock you can give enthusiastic high-fives to include more people or simply deliver compliments with eye contact and sincerity to further reinforce your own confidence while making other people feel good if you practice even just for a day one of these behaviors in a way that is committed to being playful your results in confidence will shoot through the roof if you want more help with how exactly to do that our charisma University program comes with 30 daily action guys that give you the step-by-step path to unshakable confidence you can read all about it in the link below but the best way to let you know what the course is about is to just let members speak for themselves so here are just a few of the things that Cu members have written in the first is from a guy who was interviewing for new jobs he says I interviewed at dozens of places for jobs after medical school at the end of one of my interview days the doctor pulled me aside and said that I hands-down had the best interview out of everybody and they would love to have me at their program they ranked me number one and it’s my current job another person wrote about their social life saying it has been truly incredible I’ve instantly had results that seemed insane so many more meaningful connections my friendships have improved and my interactions with total strangers are new exciting fulfilling thing I want to recommend this to everyone that should be in our basic education system and this last one is from someone who says that the course has been life-changing and he says your course has been life-changing so the point where I wake up in the mornings feeling like I’ve been transferred to a new person’s body the person I kept dreaming about becoming before I found charisma on command it is incredible I found myself and I found what makes me happy and you can see more success stories like these in the comments if you decide to join the course if you do so it comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee which is 100% for any reason at all and I make it 60 days even though the course is only thirty because I want to make sure that every single member truly feels like they’re getting a ton of value out of the course otherwise you can just refund so if you want to check the course out go ahead click the link on screen now or below in the description we’ve had thousands of members go through this course get a ton out of an introverts extroverts men and women from all over the globe and I would love for you to do the same either way I hope that you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one

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  1. Kevin Hart was also taken under Patrice O’Neal’s wing when he was starting out, who was by far one of the most confident, funny, and charismatic comedians of all time. Kevin Hart used to get picked on by him in an affectionate and friendly way, which I think made him stronger later on in life. He now has a similar friendship with The Rock. He has hung out and learned from the best of the best.

  2. My DAD was much like Kevin Hart… Much shorter than 'average' (about 5'6") yet Everybody Loved him and he was Never "ignored"… He was so "loveable" that no one ever knew he was a former National Boxing Champion with a Record of 70-1 with 40 KOs. He could laugh at the smallest things, ALWAYS had some kind of funny comment or a 'Story' to tell… and he would tell his stories with a Straight Face to show they were 'REAL'… then right in the middle would come something Hilarious that no one expected. I learned a lot from him in how to interact with others. I use a lot of "literal Humor" taking something someone says in 'a common phrase' and respond to it as a literal statement. Just a simple, straight-face question… "Oh Look! That sign says 'Drive A Lert!'… have you ever SEEN a Lert?… Is that some kind of Import car..?" KORNY, yes… but it can be very effective in certain situations, to break the tension, or just to get someone to 'Respond to Something', rather than just half-listening, and head-nodding… Or sometimes, to just 'stop' a sour conversation. The pause can sometimes 'signal' the other person that the conversation is not going well, or to Directly Turn the conversation, or at least to "Wake everyone up" in the middle of something that has gone 'dull'…
    (I actually used this same 'idea' in Marine Corps Training. Some of the topics can get pretty 'boring'… especially when it is a class you have to repeat every so many months. So I would often have visual images — "Slides" for the overhead projector (sort of the primitive version of a PowerPoint presentation) — and I would inject a 'sexy picture' of a very pretty young lady holding the rifle, or removing an internal part, etc. It would show the 'information' they needed to remember, but it would make it "Memorable"! And for the next few minutes, they would watch more closely, anticipating another "interesting Picture"… )

  3. Real confidence is to say "it‘s okay that i‘m the weirdo in their eyes" and to keep ist cool.
    Real confidence is, to Act like you want Talk about that what you want and don‘t overthink, what other people could think of you, if you reflect your inner outwards.
    The Main goal of a human should be to work on your character, shape it in the best way you can and the easiest way to shape it is to avoid to be to people in that way that you wouldn‘t want that somebody else would Act and talk in that way to yourself.
    And at the end to love and push your self, if you cannot push yourself then push others, they will push you up for gratitude.
    And by the way confidence can easily be pushed by different things like:
    – Your appearence ( if you are good looking, so work on your looking and make the best version about it)
    – Knowledge ( who knows more, can talks more and is trusted&listened the most by others, so go get some knowledge for example by reading )
    – to be brave( braveness comes from Trust in your self in something and trust to yourself comes from experience in something and experience comes from "to do something often“ , for example if you are shy at talking to women, than talk everyday to women that you DON‘T know and everyday you get better in it because you get to know them and your inhibition threshold gets lower day by day. Kevin hart wasn‘t always so calm on Tv and by the way he isn‘t funny every time, but the thing is, he tells mostly jokes that he finds funny, so when people don‘t laugh sometimes, he doesnt get down because of it, because he doesn‘t fear to fail, failure is the most important things in the live of every confindent human, because failure Build you up, if you accept your failure and try it again next time, but in the better way.

    So please don‘t talk and think so superficial about confidence.
    Nobody have to be to liked by everyone, be your self and don‘t be someone else‘s copy.
    If you are loved by a few people, that‘s okay, they love you for that what you are and that should be way more precious for you.

    If you want be happy, be confident
    If you want to be confident, be positive.
    If you want to be positive, find your inner peace.
    If you want to find your inner peace, don‘t do negative or shameful things.

    Life is short, so it isn‘t so worthy to be shy to strangers