4 Negotiation Skills EVERYONE Should Know


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whether you realize it or not negotiations are happening in your life all the time and they have a profound effect both in your personal relationships as well as the working world which is why in this video I wanna give you a four-step system that you can use to maximize what you get out of any negotiation but before you put this to use we have to talk about where these negotiations are occurring because it’s not just promotions and salary bump conversations so the first place that these are likely occurring or they could be occurring is when an authority figure tells you that you can’t so for instance my mom was planning to come visit me she found out that her boss wouldn’t let her so she can’t come maybe for you this is a parent whoever it is when you’re hearing you can’t from an authority figure a bell should go off that is an opportunity to negotiate similarly if you find that you’re in conflict with someone that you love you don’t want to be in conflict with them oftentimes we get into divvying up and arguing and who’s wrong this is an opportunity for a negotiation to create more for both sides and generally speaking the third area is whenever you feel like you don’t have enough you don’t have enough time you don’t have enough money there’s no one to blame oftentimes there is someone who could help you if you go to them to negotiate so in the back of your mind as they go through these four steps pick a situation in your life that’s been bothering you you don’t feel like you have enough you can’t whatever it is and keep that in the back of your mind as you apply these steps so four steps the acronym here is roles five letters because the first step is real objectives that is to identify what your real objective is prior to entering into a negotiation when we get heated we dig into specific positions so if there’s a husband and a wife and they’re arguing about where they’re gonna spend the holidays he says his family she says hers they dig in right he’s got to go to his family she’s got to go to hers there’s no common ground but if they took the time to identify what the real objective is it probably has to do more of the feeling maybe the husband just doesn’t feel comfortable her family doesn’t want to spend the holidays with the in-laws and maybe she feels like she’s got a short vacation and she’d like to see her family for some of it when you identify your real objective you can already start to see that there’s much more overlap between what two parties won then as always or sometimes available at the first blush so for both yourself and for the person who you’re anticipating speaking to what are your real objectives what are your real emotional objectives and one that you definitely want to write if you’re doing this for the other person is that they want to be validated they want to feel important if you exclude that from the negotiation you’re probably gonna have it blow up in your face so that’s the first thing real objectives second thing is to make a list of all of the ways most creative possible that you can get your objectives so let’s say you’re the husband here right you don’t want to see her family well you could go anywhere right you could go anywhere in the world don’t have to go to your family’s house you could go to Florida you could take a different vacation you guys could split up you could go visit her family but if there’s just one member that you don’t want to see you could go to a different part of the party a different room whatever it is get creative how can you get your real objective and do the same thing for this person right what’s all the ways that they can get their real objective you’re gonna be hypothesizing what their real objective is here when you’re doing this list but when you speak to them you’ll come you’ll make this concrete for now though as you’re thinking this through circle the ones where you both can get what you want and they can get what they want and there’s some parallels there right these can work in the same universe so that’s the second step is you’re going to list this the third step is that you need to fall in love right and what you need to fall in love with is your no deal option a lot of people go into negotiations from a position of weakness and that weakness is that they need to make a deal they need that husband or that wife to come to their in-laws house so they’re automatically on the back foot because they have to convince someone a free and autonomous being to do what they want and that’s where they get to threatening and manipulating and you didn’t do this last time you have to fall in love with the no deal and recognize that even in personal relationships it’s possible to spend the holiday apart right if you ask your boss for a promotion and you don’t get it you can always not get the promotion you could work somewhere else you could decide to work harder whatever it is imagine a scenario where this person doesn’t give you what you want what is still within your control and what can you do with that so just to give you a concrete example the best negotiation of my entire life was when I was leading my job in consulting and I wanted to get out of this particular job for a long time and what I thought my objective was was to get a job in New York City because I currently had one in Washington DC and as I was applying and applying for these jobs I wasn’t getting it I felt like I couldn’t I was stuck there was enough I’m all of the things that I said at first were in play but as I dug into my real objectives I realized what I wanted to do was not to get any one of these particular jobs I wanted to live with my friend and so when I wrote down all the things that could work I said well one my friend could move to Washington DC right I didn’t have to go to to New York City secondly I didn’t necessarily have to have a job I just wanted to live with him and technically if my real objective was to live with him I could move there and then get a job and when I started doing this all of these possibilities open up as I listed this I could work remote I could do all these things and of course I did that for the other person but what I had to fall in love with was recognizing that okay what is in my control is if I leave this particular job not if they agree to a remote work arrangement because when I’d gone through the to list of things that could work for me and I wrote down okay here’s what it is and things that might work for my current employer remote work arrangement was in there but they didn’t have to give it to me so really getting to the state where before I spoke to the president of the company I sat down and went okay imagine if he says no can you fall in love with the prospect of just leaving this particular job to move to New York City figuring it out on your own and I did I imagine how good it could be and how resourceful I’d have to be and I came up with all these other opportunities to find other jobs and to earn money so that when I did sat down with him or did sit down with him I was doing so from a position of honest power if you don’t fall in love with your No Deal option you do not have power in a negotiation and believe it or not when it’s when you don’t have power in negotiation that all these dirty tactics come out that you start manipulating being dishonest and being underhanded when you have genuine power and you don’t need someone to move you don’t have to be dishonest you don’t have to manipulate them you can just be completely transparent in the conversation and that takes us to the fourth step the s in roles which is to speak this entire process out loud to the person so when I sat down with my the president of this company and I said look here’s what I’ve been thinking about I went through okay I realized something is not working real objective it’s not that there’s anything wrong with this job it’s not that I want another job it’s that I want to live with my best friend and he doesn’t live in this city and I’m not happy here so I explained my real objective him I also said I recognize that you guys probably it would stink to lose a team member at this point right you guys wouldn’t want to have to retrain someone and I recognize that that that would be a bummer and I also recognizing his other real objective to be appreciated appreciate all of the training that you guys have done for me so far truly it has been great ok so that’s I spoke that entire first step to him I said then I went to the list area I said ok I’ve been thinking of ways that this could work out I don’t know if these are good for you but you know I could I could move to New York City and work I could just leave and maybe come back once to train a new hire whatever it is I want to make this work for you because and then I did the L whether or not we can sort of come to an agreement here my heart is set on this and if I have to you know I would just move to New York City without a job so I spoke the entire process out to him and when he heard that and I was honest and transparent and I had his needs in mind because this process included his needs he came back to me and started solving my problems and what he said was well look we don’t want a lot of people to follow in your footsteps and start leaving for remote work arrangements after one year of work but what we could do is make you a contractor and as a contractor you lose health benefits you lose the ability to you we can’t guarantee you employment past this project but you’ll continue to go on and you could actually get more money working remote because contractors get paid more and that is what wound up happening I moved to New York City I had a remote work arrangement for six months before the project ended and I lost the job because I was a contractor but the point is by simply speaking this out to him it got him on my side he actually came up with the solution of contractor because I had been so transparent in my process so that’s the final step is to speak this process and work with them I want to give you three do nots while you’re actually engaging in this negotiation process that people always do wrong first one do not Bluff a lot of times people come in from positions that aren’t truly powerful they’re not happy with the No Deal and so what they do is they threaten that you know what then I’ll go to my and I’ll go to my parents you go to your parents and when they get that they’re upset about it and they’re bitter about it or they threaten you know if this doesn’t work out I’m gonna have to leave the job the boss says okay sorry to hear that now they’re out of a job so do not Bluff you want to rather take the time to fall in love with the No Deal step that’s a bad thing to do if you do it the reverse way the second thing that you never want to do is you never really want to screw the other person I see this in negotiations people are constantly thinking that there is a fixed pie and that the goal is to have this 100% pie and take 80% of it for yourself while leaving the other person with 20% this is the wrong mentality first of all if you do that they’re gonna drag their feet in the execution phase while I was researching this video I spoke to people who were negotiating in relationships and I heard was story from one person rather it was through the grapevine about one person who negotiated that their boyfriend would come to a concert with them and what happened was she negotiated she got him to come and he was so miserable and upset in this concert that she wished he wasn’t there at all so don’t push people over a barrel get them to do what you want if they’re not happy with the deal you’re in trouble and a better way to think about this pie where you’re trying to get 80 and 20 is rather than dividing up a pie that has a hundred units go bake a new pie that has 150 units and then everybody can get more that’s the whole process of creating this list and then the final thing is to recognize coming back to the No Deal is that your relationship does not need to be contingent upon you agreeing and forming a deal all the time now this is particularly an issue in relationships though it can be the case in the working world when I left this job I actually improved my relationship with the people there because I didn’t make the relationship that we had contingent upon us agreeing in this particular area if you’re arguing about where you’re gonna get dinner or where you’re gonna go for any sort of vacation the relationship that you have does not require you to agree all the time and the more you can get used to having negotiations coming to a no deal solution and not being mean the addictive or manipulative about it and just splitting up for a period of time I tend to believe the stronger the relationship will be because you don’t have to cajole coerce and make two people behave as a single unit all the time so that is an overview hopefully a helpful one of how to negotiate now obviously all of this is going to be much more useful if the other person likes you if you’ve got rapport it’s going to count for a lot more so if you’re interested in learning about how to create rapport you may be interested in our core Karisma university kharisma university is a step-by-step guided program that is guaranteed to give you more charisma and confidence in 30 days and it’s structured with a daily action guide so you don’t have to guess when it comes to learning these habits you follow the guide and you get the results now you can read all about the details in the link below but I figured the best way to let you know what this is all about is just to let the members speak for themselves so here are just a few of the things that Cu members have written in via email or in the course comments now the first comes from a woman who just got back from a speaking tour she says last year I joined see you right before 2 public speaking events though I didn’t do anything too terribly embarrassing while on stage my lack of confidence was obvious to everyone in the room fast forward to this weekend I owned the stage and spoke to over 2,000 business owners it was so powerful that even my marketing assistant was completely lost for words now this next one comes from a guy who was interviewing for new jobs he says I interviewed at dozens of places for jobs after medical school at the end of one of my interview days the doctor pulled me aside and said that I hands-down had the best interview out of everybody and that they would love to have me at their program they ranked me number one and it’s my current job thanks so much for creating charisma University this is a game changer that changed how I approached my boss my peers and strangers gave me the guts to stand up for myself and others start a business and engage with others even after the 30-day program I still feel like there is so much track to run on and I am just getting started now you’ll see more success stories like these in the comments if you decide to join the course and if you do it comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee which is 100 percent for any reason at all and it’s 60 days even though the course only takes 30 to complete because I want to make sure that every single member truly feels like they’re getting a ton of value out of the course so if you’d like to check the course out go ahead click the link on screen now or below in the description we have had thousands of members go through this course and get a ton out of it I’d love for you to do the same either way I hope you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one

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36 Comments

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  1. I’m sorry bro, but bluffing is the main thing in negotiations, however, you need to know how to use, obviously if you tell your boss I’ll quit it won’t work, depending on your position…

  2. Honesty has consistently been the policy which has worked for me. Glad you've found success with honesty as well, and glad you're also sharing your experience, tips, that you've put the work in, to make this info accessible.

    It's my firm belief, that if folks were truly honest, in everything we do — besides private matters e.g. intimacy which is nobody's business — it's my firm belief that if everyone was truly honest, with themselves, and also others, the world would become a much more happy, fulfilled, and at least honest place.

    You've got my like & subscribe. And again, thank you for sharing.

  3. I respect that Charlie put together a unique perspective on the subject, but I don't feel that negotiation is his forte. This strategy only works for menial conflicts. It won't help you if your job is to negotiate a business deal. I do respect the fact that he has strong moral code though, and he doesn't like to manipulate people. This probably works for Marriage counseling.

  4. You can also read more books on negotiations, one appeared this year "Kremlin School of Negotiation", I just started it and realized how I was so stupidly manipulated and let emotions take the better of me, it's really a conscious effort, but when you realize external influence, you can assume your interests and others' intentions if you remain calm

  5. Charlie, thanks for this video! I've got a burning question: I want to start making my own content to help people improve their social lives. WIth no connections and zero presence, should I start with a Youtube Channel or a podcast? Appreciate all you've done for this community!

  6. If you’re negotiating for something and don’t get it, but rather have to compromise then you fail since you didn’t get what you want or need.