5 Common Habits That Kill Your Confidence


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a sad irony of the Joker’s that it’s only after his descent into madness that Arthur appears happy and confident but of course turning on the world isn’t the only way to feel mentally strong and that’s why in this video I want to use Arthur’s story to talk about five habits that kill your mental fortitude and your confidence and what you can do instead to build mental toughness and I fully recognize that Arthur is someone with atypical neurology whose mental illness has a slew of causes outside of his control but these habits aren’t helping him and I think they make an excellent jumping off point to reveal tweaks that any of us can make to feel better in our own lives Joker spoilers will of course follow first off we see that Arthur often engages in fantasy imagining first that Murray would love him as his son see all this the lights show the audience all that stuff I’d give it all up in a heartbeat that a kid like you and then later he fantasizes that he could just stroll into his neighbor’s apartment after committing a triple homicide and make out with her out of nowhere we’ve talked about the power of visualization in past videos particularly on Conor McGregor vividly envisioning a desired outcome can make you more likely to achieve it but it’s important to note that Arthur’s fantasies do not have the same positive impact as the visualizations that we discussed and the fundamental difference is that visualizations include the work necessary to achieve a goal whereas fantasies focus just on the crowning moment of glory Arthur doesn’t imagine practicing a stand-up routine with improved timing he doesn’t imagine properly introducing himself to his neighbor are asking her on a date he skips right to the unearned payoff now you definitely want to avoid this trap in your own life otherwise you’re conditioning yourself to be a dreamer that never quite makes it so make sure that your visualizations include not just the moment of success but also some of the realistic effort that is going to be required to get there that will inspire you to take the appropriate actions rather than simply waiting for miracles to occur which takes it to the second point Arthur and his environment undermine his own self-efficacy he doesn’t feel as if he can take steps to change his life and we see an example of when he’s falsely accused of stealing a sign from work he barely protests never even returned his sign because I got jumped didn’t you hear if you don’t return the sign I gotta take it out of your paycheck are we clear this unwillingness to self-advocate may come from Arthur’s upbringing his mother reinforces the idea that Arthur is incapable of changing things by constantly insisting that the only path to a better life is for Thomas Wayne to come out of the blue and rescue them because Thomas Wayne is a good man he saw this place it would make him sick Arthur’s lack of self-confidence and self-efficacy is further compounded by her insistence on a fixed mentality when it comes to skill acquisition for instance when Arthur talks about doing stand-up she doesn’t encourage him to practice but instead treats his talent as something that is completely limited and fixed everybody’s telling me that my standards now she has a point Arthur’s jokes probably won’t go over very well but rather than talking about being funny a better frame would be to talk about the need to practice writing jokes one implies a helpless worldview you either are or you aren’t and dreams can never be achieved if you aren’t and the other implies the dedicated hard work can make an impact but instead Arthur feels helpless with the exception of the one thing that ever gave him power violence now your circumstances may not be as dire as Arthur’s but the lesson remains if you want to feel confident don’t undercut your own self-efficacy take steps even small ones to affirm that you can improve your life be it by exercising striking up conversation with people that you encounter during your day or standing up for yourself when you feel that you’re being treated unfairly we have videos that can help you specifically with starting those conversations and on the best ways to handle conversational aggression but the mindset that you can achieve and are worthy of an excellent life no matter where you start from is absolutely true and that’s what I want to emphasize to you here now the third thing that I want to talk about is a problem that many of us face which is that Arthur has no outlet where he can honestly express his emotions particularly the most challenging ones the one supposed person who is to be an outlet Arthur’s social worker doesn’t even listen to him or at least Arthur doesn’t feel that she does bottling up your emotions is the common prescription in modern society suck it up tough it out keep your chin up we say and this all has its place like when you need to power through a difficult day without breaking down but there needs to be a release valve for the tension that gets built up because if you don’t what Carl Jung called the shadow can overtake you that is to say that all of your repressed feelings will find a way out often in a destructive fashion Arthur can’t express and integrate his difficult emotions and eventually he becomes his shadow the Joker the solution for Arthur and for the rest of us is to find some sort of healthy outlet for challenging emotions Arthur was on to something here as creative outlets like journaling and stand-up can be great ways to transform inner turmoil other people prefer vigorous exercise or hitting a punching bag to give their aggression in outlet however you do it integrating your shadow side will make you feel much more mentally sound and likely more confident since you’re no longer denying aspects of yourself which highlights the next main point Arthur inadvertently disowns aspects of himself sometimes by labeling his emotions away [Music] in other times with all encompassing language that doesn’t acknowledge the true complexity of his emotional life I’ve been happy won my turf right now in conversation there’s nothing wrong with saying that you’re not mad to calm yourself down or calling yourself a happy person but it’s important to realize that our emotional lives are complex and they do not fit neatly into the language that we often use to describe ourselves when we feel forced to make our emotions conform to the way in which we describe ourselves for instance by living up to our happy reputation we engage in self-denial and if that’s done over a long period of time it can cause the eruption of the repressed shadow a particular thing to keep in mind if you’re an introverted fan of this channel is that you don’t always have to push yourself to be charismatic social and extroverted honoring the part of yourself that just wants to be alone sometimes is totally healthy and this brings us to our last point everything that we have discussed results in Arthur’s total hatred of the world those guys because they were awful everybody is awful these days it’s enough to make anyone crazy not everybody and I’ll tell you this not everyone is awful people don’t care about Arthur and so in return he doesn’t care about them on the sidewalk you’d walk right over me I passed you everything you don’t notice me but these guys because Thomas Wayne we cried about them on TV now this belief in rages Arthur to the point of murder and it’s certainly true that we see people treat Arthur terribly without ever considering his feelings but it’s also true that we don’t see Arthur follow his own advice he doesn’t put himself in the other guys shoes for instance he doesn’t consider that maybe Thomas Wayne wouldn’t take kindly to the man who stuck his fingers in his son’s mouth and strangled his Butler he doesn’t consider that Randall’s lying about the gun was probably motivated to save his own job the same way that Arthur lied about the gun in an attempt to save his job [ __ ] besides Randall told me you tried to buy a 38 over last week where Arthur more able to sink what it’s like to be the other guy he might find forgiveness or simply compassion for his deeply disturbed mother he might think about a better way to contact Thomas Waynes so as not to put him on the defensive now obviously Arthur has trauma and serious untreated mental illness so this point isn’t so much about what he should have done but about what we can learn from him perhaps you can think what it’s like to be the other guy at some point today maybe even if it’s someone that you feel has wronged you this empathetic perspective makes you far more socially effective and it makes you less likely to become caught up in negative spirals which addictive as they may feel really only serve to make you feel frustrated or weak one thing that really aggravates Arthur’s problems is that he doesn’t have a strong support network he doesn’t have friendships at work or outside of it and his relationship with his girlfriend exists only in his imagination now I imagine that you are probably in a better situation with Arthur wrote based on the comments in past videos it seems like many of you would enjoy having more strong friendships better relationships at work and a better dating life and if that all interests you I highly recommend that you check out charisma University charisma University is our step by step guided online program that is guaranteed to make you more confident and charismatic in just 30 days and when you are confident in charismatic people are more naturally drawn to you it’s easier to make friends get more dates have strong relationships with your co-workers and superiors the list goes on now over 5,000 people have already taken advantage of this program and gained life-changing results from it here is what just a few of them have to say this first one is from someone who found charisma university life-changing for his confidence he said I wasn’t truly confident I was constantly seeking validation and care too much about other people’s opinions of me but now my life has improved tremendously I find it way easier to connect with people to have great interactions and to be happy even if things don’t go the way I want them to taking this course has been one of the most impactful decisions of my life and when I look back I truly can’t recognise the old me I can’t recommend it enough now this next member shared how it helped his social life saying I’ve always been bad at expressing myself in situations that weren’t one-on-one even one-on-one I struggle to make connections the time but after charisma University I am way more confident in saying what I think and feel even in bigger group settings I feel much more happy all the time I was even able to talk to a woman that I’ve had a crush on for a year and make a great first impression overall I love this course and I keep coming back to it whenever I need a refresher thank you so much for making it and this last one for today writes thank you so much for this program after going through charisma University I have made more friends I have higher self-esteem and I can more easily talk to people I don’t know I’ve solidified my values and I Know Who I am now also even though this program is only 30 days long it comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee which is 100% for any reason whatsoever this means that you can either become more charismatic and confident or you get every single penny back so if that’s of interest to you click on the link on your screen now or the link in the description below to find out more about charisma University either way I hope that you’ve enjoyed today’s video and I’ll see you in the next one [Music]

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43 Comments

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  1. I understand what youre trying to do here but that’s a lot of coulda and shoulda it’s almost annoying and you talk so fast im having a hard time to accept that your voice is what people like arthur should hear. You are not one of the arthurs. Some people here appreciate your advice but other people feel bulldozed by you

  2. It's just when he turned all "whiney" about it towards the end. That really ruined it. If it wasn't for it being called "Joker" and maybe cut out about 20 minutes at the last part, it might have been good.

  3. Selfrealization, free mind and the salvation! If you are not a sect, then you do not delete my information here.

    About talent shows: Unfortunately, people abuse someone where others use something – I am not the things in the world because the Holy Spirit is about soul (mind). I remind you that like the most unhappy outsiders alone, the most skilled freedom fighters, saviors, and heroes actually have self-awareness through solitude. I recognize the human themes in mythological scriptures, movies, tales, legends, stories and tellings about especially the choice of the hero and the villain, because either one's life is a damned burden like hell or a blessed gift like heaven.

    Instead of psychopathy selfish evil, compassionate caring love is part of who I am.

    Today, five changes occur in my transformation (transcendence) one with the Divine since my covenant from the age of forty:

    1. Only good mood as a light

    2. Superintelligence according to my iq test

    3. No disease – not even a cold

    4. Supernatural powers / abilities according to witnesses regarding my upgrade

    5. Revelation in a perfect way like a flow

    I can only prove this as I am.

  4. At one point in my school, they were organized fights. This meant that my friends would go against my other friends in a dorm. One day I just got really bored and decided to fight a kid bigger than me. I’m smaller than most people in my year. I fought him and got swung by my hair. Quarantine trim . And got up instantly, but after that point I’d have people bigger than me saying they wouldn’t want to fight me .

  5. This is out of left field for most of you, but I feel that King Knight from the videogame King of Cards is a character that engages in fantasy. He is determined to become a king any way that he can, but has no idea what that actually entails and how he's going to get there. Heck, he thinks he can become a real ruler by winning what is basically a poker contest!

  6. The joker as "atypical neurology"?!? Listen, we all know you have no formal training and get your "competence" from google and some common sense, but this is dangerous – so how about you show some respect and STAT AWAY from serious things? Hint:That guy is not neurotic. You are WAAAY too far outside your safe zone.

  7. I’ve been watching your videos and they are helpful. This one really hit home. I admit that I’ve fantasized since I was a kid. I was abnormally quiet, also, I never defended myself. I was bullied and abused for many years. I’ve suffered low self esteem and low self worth. I’ve been trying to help myself for years to be more outspoken, more assertive, and to stand up for what I believe in and for myself. That I do not need outside validation. I feel I’ve come far to how I was then. I’m trying to limit fantasy and to encourage myself. Fantasizing can be addicting. I’m trying to be more positive and less negative. I did get away from the abuse and have omitted those people from my life. My life is much better. Thank you

  8. Lmao I’m in a 4 year long negative spiral fantasizing daily of the shadow. I decided to embrace the shadow. I guess that’s exactly what the movie portrayed…

  9. Anyone else also seeing the negative impact of his mother on him in the forefront? and maybe recognize a few things?
    Also i love the „eye for an eye“ discourse pertaining to the view of a atypical psychology vs neurotypical individuals as well at the end. 👍🏻💕
    Great vid as always!

  10. That lack of a support network is really an accurate problem. People who have been traumatised by others, tend to keep away from other people and this reinforces the lack of a social support network.
    The Joke was correct about one thing; humans are awful.

  11. There are many things that may discourage us during our life. Especially negatives from the outside. They effect us in ways that make us discourage ourselves. I think it is really important just admitting that you are the person you are and learning to love yourself can make you stronger. I really appreciate the videos that you are making. Thank you. Whoever is going through a tough time I pray that you will overcome.

  12. Is no one gonna talk about that Arthur and his mom bathe together?
    I mean, if she needs his help, gotta do what you gotta do ~ I helped my dad.
    But she didn’t need help

  13. Another dose of new age positivity nonsense. Arthur wasn't behaving/acting weak, he was weak, both physically and mentally. His failures came from not lack of practice but lack of aptitude for the job. He was non-social because he lacked the basic necessities of being a social success (i.e. attractive body, smart brain and smooth tongue). He didn't have friends not because he lacked friendliness but because he was poor and socially awkward. He didn't need to be taught social skills but need to be understood due to his physical and mental limitations. He didn't need a charm university, he needed healthcare and basic income. It is a vicious cycle, bad mental and physical limitations create poverty and bad economic conditions further cause mental and physical problems. Stop selling bicycles to handicaps.

  14. I don't live in a fantasy world but when I have some mental "down time," what I like to do is mentally build vehicles (currently working on how to make a better half-track). I do this to keep my mind active and engaged when I'm alone.