7 Signs You Are Emotionally Mature


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emotional maturity creates strength and resilience in the face of life’s obstacles but pinning down what emotional maturity looks like and how its developed can be hard to do so in this video we are going to cover seven specific signs that you are emotionally mature and if not at least seven things you can do to begin your work on that first off emotionally mature people do not demonize exes or with people in their life with whom they’ve had a falling-out now that’s not to say that you should overlook the issues that drove you apart from those people in the first place it means that you recognize that in most cases both parties contribute to relationship dysfunction even if it was just by staying in a toxic relationship so if you find yourself talking about your crazy ex all the time you might want to check yourself emotionally mature people are less interested in blaming and demonizing and far more interested in learning from their experiences which brings us to point to when there are recurring problems in their lives emotionally mature people recognize that they are the common denominator and might be contributing to those bad experiences so if you often find yourself in a particular type of negative relationship maybe you’re being cheated on by multiple partners you recognize that while they are of course responsible for their broken promises you may be contributing by filtering for and being attracted to that type of person in the first place now this isn’t a mindset from which the emotionally mature person beats themselves up though instead they use it to inspire themselves to reflect on the ways in which they can change and thereby change their results the same concept is true of any recurring issue whether it’s falling out with close friends difficulty in selling a product or people losing interest when you speak if it’s happening in multiple situations emotionally mature people consider how they might be contributing and make it their own responsibility to break those patterns now this does need a caveat which is ours third point and that’s that emotionally mature people do not take full responsibility for other people’s feelings this is a common pitfall as people become more emotionally mature so as not to be a victim they assume responsibility for everything and when someone many times it’s a romantic partner is feeling upset or depressed or angry the emotionally mature person are the one who’s trying to be adopts full responsibility for those feelings and tries to problem-solve on behalf of the person this may even be encouraged when the partner says you made me sad or insecure or whatever it is in these situations it’s important to assess fairly what your own contribution was if you were a total jerk sure take responsibility and apologize but if someone is blaming their negative experience on you in a way that you wouldn’t tolerate from other friends family and loved ones draw a boundary and don’t let yourself get guilt-tripped and become someone else’s emotional crutch now the fourth sign of emotional maturity is that you get angry sad and anxious and that might surprise you if you think that emotional maturity means not feeling negative emotions in fact UMaine believe that it’s an asset to never get angry or to never cry but anger sadness and anxiety are normal parts of a healthy life what is damaging is to repress those emotions either to look cool or to live up to some stoic ideal when you do this those emotions find ways out anxiety turns into perfectionism and compulsive planning anger shifts the passive aggressiveness sarcasm or just forgetting to text someone back sadness can become depression or at how grim politics or the news are never recognizing that those feelings are coming from within so give yourself permission to feel your own negative emotions it’s by acknowledging and moving through them that you can release hidden destructive habits this takes us to the fifth point the flip side of that coin is that emotionally healthy people don’t need to dwell or wallow in their negative emotions yes they allow themselves to experience in them head-on without distractions but the goal is understanding and self compassion not victimization or self-pity so emotionally healthy people can sit with negative emotions allow themselves to uncover their roots beyond whatever might have triggered them in the first place and then with care they begin to problem-solve you can give yourself what you may need to move on sometimes it’s a loving kick in the butt to get up and go exercise and other times it’s the space to relax and unwind now when it comes to communicating challenging emotions emotionally mature people are capable of speaking about their emotions without needing to get emotional so they don’t have to yell about how angry they are or break down crying when discussing something that has a set them they can instead honestly and calmly say hey when you did that I felt really angry or it hurt my feelings when you conversations about emotions can become productive because the emotionally healthy person can separate venting from problem solving and our seventh point is that emotionally mature people can pause they often move more slowly in high pressure moments in the face of aggression they take a deep breath and wait a few seconds before responding allowing for better decision-making while still signalling confidence when confronted with troubling information they don’t immediately assume the worst-case scenario but instead consider more likely scenarios and possible approaches to mitigate any losses the emotionally mature person recognizes that very few things in life require immediate responses and to pause even if it’s just for one breath can transform their life now whether you are living all these signs or just a few you can always keep growing so if you want to quickly become even more emotionally mature there are four questions that can break you into new levels of maturity and self satisfaction they’ve helped me with my own frustrations and anxieties and you can learn the four questions and how to use them in loving what is by Byron Katie the audio book has live examples of people using these questions with the coach and it makes internalizing the lessons much easier you get the whole audio book which includes those live coaching sessions for free today at audible.com slash charisma or by texting charisma to five hundred five hundred courtesy of course of this video sponsor audible audible as you probably know has a massive library of audiobooks and with your 30 day free trial of audible you get to start with one free audiobook and I highly recommend loving what is if anxiety self doubt or self judgement are things you’d like to move beyond you also get two free audible originals with your trial mark Manson has one coming out on March 26th called love is not enough that could be a great companion with audible you get the opportunity to learn when you’re commuting or working out or doing chores around the house so even on your busiest days you know that you’re making time to better yourself loving what is and the other titles that I’ve recommended in the past have been some of the most powerful teachers in my entire life inaudible free trial can be a great way to learn their lessons if you’re short on time I hope that you decide to check out loving what is chapter four is when the live conversations start and it makes for great listening you get it for free right now with your trial of audible at audible.com slash charisma or by texting charisma to five hundred five hundred either way I hope that you’ve enjoyed this video I look forward to seeing you in the next [Music] [Music]

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24 Comments

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  1. Hmm the 1st one though.. i don't demonize my ex but it's the truth he was an abusive husband and i do mention my ex to my current relationship it's kinda how i deal with my past in a way is to share my vulnerable side i guess it was bad to do that.. i was silent through out my ex's abusive ways so me venting about what happened to me was part of my therapy of getting over it

  2. Only recently started saying "I'm not okay" when I'm feeling down. It helps quite a bit, then I nitpick why I feel down in the first place, which sometimes doesn't make sense. Like having someone yell at me. Idk why but that really upsets me.

  3. Finally, someone who gives a solution to a problem that they state instead of just telling them what their problem is and just saying oh well thank you so much at least somebody has some brains on YouTube

  4. I’m just wondering if I’ve got you correct and if you’re just saying something politically correct to keep from being mean and expressing an honest truth,?… So if I only date a tractive people, and I’m not that attractive and they end up cheating on me does that mean I should settle am I the calm denominator that I only attract or in the tractor to people that are easy on the eyes?. Should I sell for someone that my Dog. Would not lick to save it’s life is that what you’re saying

  5. I found that most of the time, trying to help a person find a solution to a problem, even if it means saying something they might not like, works more than just being an empath and doing nothing.

  6. To me the topic should be, Emotional Intelligence (EI). EI has been well established for decades, and covers all the points in the video in a much more complete way. Embracing EI will modify behaviors.

  7. I really enjoyed this video but it was really really fast, like you were in a hurry while reading the text. There could have been some pauses at least between the signs

  8. i blocked all my exes out of my life.
    i don't feel anything towards them and wish them the best, but i know it's easier for both to move on this way.
    dumped my last girlfriend cause she snaped with her ex all the time and lied about it, she was "emotionally mature" according to this.

  9. When not dwelling in victimization, know that you get to feel like a victim when you are processing an experience where you were victimized. But it is what mentality we use going forward after that processing which tells us if we are using it as a crutch or not

  10. This advice does need to be taken carefully when in an abusive though. It is ok to see how awful a person was to you and abusers often try to make us feel to blame for their abuse, so don't take responsibility for things which are not yours