How To Dissolve Social Anxiety And Connect With Anyone


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so today is a very exciting day because someone who i consider to be one of the most charismatic people in the world russell brand himself has made a video on how to be charismatic and this can always be very interesting when you’re learning from someone who seems to get it naturally i don’t know all of russell’s story but he did come up as an actor he was a comedian and so he might have internalized a lot of the traits that make someone charismatic so it’ll be very interesting to see if we have commonalities in how we see charisma my suspicion is that he like many people who seems to just get it might boil it down to just be yourself but i’m not totally sure we’re gonna see if that’s the case and here we go now i reckon that the secret to charisma is being able to be present in fact people speak frequently don’t they of presence this person has a real presence a couple things here i definitely agree with him in that at the deepest and perhaps perhaps the highest levels of charisma what you do want to fall back on is be yourself be present in the moment that enables you to react authentically and spontaneously to everything that comes up without needing canned lines part of the problem is that telling someone to be present or to just be themselves it’s kind of like asking someone to hop over a 20-foot wall their first day trying gymnastics it tends to be very very difficult to people i do think that the way to get there is with intermediate easier steps so i’m curious if he will talk at all about that not all of us will find the same people charismatic the same way as we don’t all have good sexual chemistry or good convivial friendship type chemistry between one another there are certain ways that we interlock this is actually something that i think is very important people will ask questions of me and then they’ll want to know what is wrong with the way that they are presenting themselves do they have a core charisma issue and the question that i always ask them is is this something that has happened once or twice or is this a consistent thing in your life because to russell’s point no matter what you do if you are the most charismatic person on the planet you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea one of the best tips i ever heard about charisma comes from russell and it was when i saw him on the logan paul podcast it happens now when i arrive here and i see these places like even wordlessly my emotions inform me oh what’s it going to be like is everyone going to like me what’s going to happen to me who are these men what’s happening here whatever like all of this stuff starts happening and then another part of me goes you’ve got nothing to get no one can give you anything you’re all right you don’t have to be afraid all you’re ever able to do is be of service to other people and if you get distracted from that objective and start thinking that your life is about getting things you know pain is coming because i’ve experienced it many many times when you’re entering into communion you know you’re talking to other people you’re having a dialogue with them don’t go into it thinking that they have something to give you whether it’s you could get a date get a job etc though that might always be in the back of your mind if you recognize that they at some fundamental level cannot make you happy the pressure comes off of that interaction it becomes much more fun and easier to be your authentic self or if i’m in a social situation and i still do suffer from some social anxiety one of the ways i overcome it is by making a decision to really genuinely listen to the person that i’m communicating with and let go absolutely of the idea of getting something from that exchange so this match is actually what i’ve seen from russell because i’ve covered a lot of people and they go on the talk show tours and they tell the same story in the same way over and over and over again and russell is perhaps the only person that i don’t see do that he has spontaneous laugh out loud funny jokes in almost every interview that i’ve ever seen him do that’s not something that comes natural to many people it’s something that needs to be trained if you want to have that sort of communicative style hello how are you i feel very well today thank you so this is a very normal first interaction that you’ll have in your life someone says hi how are you you’re into this sort of routine pleasantries exchange up until now nothing crazy oh good i’m so glad this is your first time here and i’m i’m happy to have you here i’m very honored to be here in this chair oh really yeah i really like it oh good so what he’s already started to do is to deviate from that normal path he says instead of i’m happy to be here he focuses on the chair says how he really likes it now he’s completely he has no idea where he’s going to go and he is being present but i want to show you some of the habits that he has really internalized watch what he does next you can come sit in this chair anytime you want think what you would say someone said you can come to my house anytime you want you’d probably say oh my gosh thank you that’s so kind of you what you wouldn’t do usually is to misinterpret purposely what they said and take it literally but that is exactly what russell does because it’s a staple of comedy taking something literally that is not meant to be taken literally do you think there will be times when it’s impractical if someone’s in it for example yes um it depends on who’s in it they may enjoy you sitting on their lap it may lift the interview so now he’s sort of developing and he’s moved on into another principle of comedy which is say yes and continue to build the world again if you want to work on this stuff improv comedy when it opens back up is a fantastic way to practice these sorts of uh techniques and ideas but he’s now building a world and this is something that you’ll see friends do with each other when they feel really comfortable and in 30 seconds russell goes from hello to doing that with ellen take a look and she knows what she’s doing she plays right along they could be here and then suddenly i’ll be perched on their lap they’ll have to crane around you but it may induce a kind of sexual energy perhaps let’s try it someday she yes ends him any of your guests he continues with the yes ending you can select one at random from a hat and then i’ll just come and perch on their knees or if we feel very adventurous further along towards the groin i did want to say for russell i actually think it’s true the most important thing for him to do in an interaction is to be present listen and connect to the other person but if you don’t have that same base of deep internalized understanding habits and charisma skills you might need to work on those first and weirdly enough it’s not actually about being present when you’re trying to build new habits yes you’re going to remain present as much as you can but there’s a part of you that is in your head thinking i want to work on this particular thing on this realm on this plane in this moment in this time if you can be uncluttered from your own mental state if you could focus on another person if you cannot be dominated by your own fears this essentially means you need to spend time being working on yourself ensuring that you deal with your own neurosis psychosis this is huge so a lot of people come to me with charisma questions of all of all different kinds the question that they ask is often the presenting surface problem and the real issue is underneath they can’t stop blushing and they want to know how to stop blushing the deeper problem and they go layers and layers down but of course is why do you feel so unsafe nervous exposed when you are speaking in front of a group what is it that you think could happen that would impact you negatively and we can always say i could lose my job or somebody wouldn’t like me but deep down as russell probably has commented before there tends to be a fear that you will be cast out that you won’t be included that you don’t belong and that people won’t love you this problem is worth coming at both from that presenting problem of oh my gosh i’m blushing what should i do in that case take deep breaths that’s one of the things that can help the fastest because it is flush to your face but also not just the symptom you want to go to that core problem so if you’re working on meditation if you’re doing any sort of thing to help your emotional body sort of heal and improve i think that that is the way that i have seen is most effective surely there are more subtle forms of energy than air and water that are interrupted and disrupted when a person comes into a room and a person conveys their energy the idea that there is an energy when someone walks into a room that we haven’t quite been able to measure it kind of matches my own experience and it seems to go beyond just looking at the person hearing the person there is i don’t know maybe when you look at them you feel something that butterflies in your heart or the hairs on your arm go up but there are people when they enter a room that seem to have a literal feel and perhaps we all do but just can’t tap into it quite as much now i have to admit as regarding spirituality for many years i thought that it was completely useless lacking in practicality woo-woo nonsense but i will say that there were two big things that really helped me get into it and find tremendous value in it and they are both from eckhart tolle it is a new earth as well as the power of now now both of them still have sentences that i read or hear and i just ugh they make me cringe with the pseudoscience but there are deep nuggets of wisdom in both of those power of now is mostly about the power of getting present in the moment it’s a simple concept but a very deep one can take a lifetime to start to master a new earth is a bit more complex and particularly the idea of the pain body the way that our egos get triggered was very very very useful in my life and something i continue to come back to so if you haven’t gotten much value out of spirituality and you’re listening to russell you think there might be something there i highly recommend eckhart tolle as a bridge and you can check out either of those titles for free courtesy of this video’s sponsor audible when you join using the link audible.com charisma or if you text charisma to 500 500 it comes with one free audiobook right out of the gate either by eckhart is great but a new earth is my favorite of the two that i mentioned if you stay after the free trial period for 14.95 you get an audio book per month with access to a huge library of audiobooks podcasts and more for your ears a lot of people say that they don’t have time to feed their brains they’re too busy but when you’re listening there’s no excuse so if you want to check out a new earth you can do it while you exercise you’re sitting in traffic or best for eckhart tolle by far just taking a slow leisurely walk and if you think that spirituality is hippie mumbo jumbo i even more highly recommend these titles they were really really useful for me and there are sentences that are pseudosciencey but i think you’ll really dig it so if you want to check one of those out today for free you can do so at audible.com charisma or by texting charisma to 500 500. either way i hope that you guys have enjoyed this video i will be doing a lot more of this style let me know what i can improve on it helps a ton and i look forward to seeing you in the next video cheers you

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49 Comments

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  1. This did not age well.
    Predatory behaviour covered by employers, lawyers and NDAs for years until no one wanted to work with him anymore. Now deflecting blame on the mainstream he exploited for many years, leeching off the conspiracy loving audience to fund a multi-million empire.

  2. TBF regardless of what you think of Russell and how these allegations end against him, this vid is not about how likable he is, it's about his charm. And you'll travel far & wide to meet a person so charismatic…for better and for worse

  3. He has always felt creepy to me… Or is it the voice? – and going to sexual comments like here talking about moving from perching on someone's knees to moving towards the groin.

  4. Honestly I think it might be something you’re born with. I have it. So for me it’s about being myself sometime I have to dial it back depending on the crowd. It’s a curse you can’t go every where acting like this. So I remind myself to shut up be quiet listen

  5. "Crucify him! Crucify him, I am so much better than him!"….."I don't know ALL of Russells story, hmm I believe he's a person…" (Ever heard of Google, Poindexter?)

  6. I realized the reason why I blushed profusely in any and all social interactions is because I believe the person's impression and acceptence of me will be negatively influenced. The one thing that stopped it to the point that I can comfortably speak publicly is…….. Not giving a shi* about being accepted☺️ it's that simple. Stop caring about blush and the image you leave in people's eyes.

  7. The thing about spirituality is.. most people think it’s mumbo jumbo because their are things that have not yet been explained scientifically.. however this is changing. Just because we do not believe in something, it does not mean it’s not there. We can profusely refuse to believe in gravity but it affects us regardless.. the same with spirituality.

    Great video Charlie

  8. Love your videos. New age spirituality is dark and unsatisfactory. It leads to death. Only Following Jesus can heal you on the inside. Everything else is makeup over the cracks in our soul.