Non-Verbal Dominance: How To Command Respect Silently


Spread the love



Harvey Specter isn’t exactly the perfect man he can be rude emotionally stunted and sarcastic but even though he is flawed and of course fictional his portrayal can teach you quite a bit about confidence and power in the real world so in this video you’re going to learn concrete steps and deeper mindsets for conveying a deep sense of confidence and power now a ton of this has to do with frame so I’m going to give a quick crash course frames are the unspoken context that dictates the rules of any interaction and you can analyze interactions as two people introducing and accepting or rejecting one another’s frames the more powerful confident person usually wins out that’s why you’re more likely to enthusiastically answer tell me about yourself at an interview than at a party you’re going to acquiesce to the interview was framed because they have power that a random party goer doesn’t whoever controls the frame has power anyways the first thing to note is how Harvey’s body language and tone are often in service of establishing the fact that he controls the frame and therefore is the more powerful person in an interaction for instance Harvey often surprises people by entering big and brash like the corporate lawyer that he is and he establishes the frame that the other person will react to his emotional state anyone comes at you with any threat at all you come to me I don’t give if it’s a Queen of England you come to me you tell me you tell me everything but you’ll often see Harvey respond much more slow and subdued when somebody directs him to do something he takes his time sub communicated that he doesn’t need to jump just because they say so they might be saying go quickly he responds by going slowly a subtle indicator of power that’s a Barbary legal handbook right there right open it up read me something anything Harvey just get out get out similarly other people will come at Harvey aggressively and rather than respond defensively he strolls nonchalantly past them so that he can sit comfortably not reacting to their emotional state first of all Gerald if you think anyone’s deal and when Harvey is in conflict with people who are losing control he often stays cool calm and collected again they go angry he responds by not rising to it dare you walk in here and accuse me with these things when you are my lawyer no Bert I’m the lawyer for Morello asset management as far as the law is concerned Dean Morello is my clan not you what’s important is not the particular frame of an interaction that’s always going to be changing what’s important is that Harvey is always the one setting the frame and you see the same ability to dictate the frame in this case that his status is superior to the other person’s when he exits a conversation he doesn’t need to outright say it but he signals that he’s in control by exiting without announcing it or asking for permission and it leaves the clear message that he is the boss everyone else is luckily to have some of his attention because right now I got some things to take care of [Music] convinced me why I should go with you in the first place okay we’re done don’t let the door hit you on the way out to be clear I’m not recommending you do this broadcasting that you’re in control all the time is not a good way to be or to be well-liked but it certainly does contribute to the sense of awe that people have when they encounter Harvey additionally Harvey frames himself as nearly omnipotent by dictating not what he’d like to happen in a situation or what he hopes will happen but how things are certainly going to unfold listen to his language here and talk about this the key to actually making this believable comes from Harvey’s tonality when we’re nervous or we just want to make things sound like more of an invitation we will add an upward inflection to a statement commands and certainties are often spoken with downward inflections like this now this is the difference between saying for instance come over my house at 7:00 and come over my house at 7:00 and when you tell people what’s going to happen you typically want to do it with a downward inflection as Harvey does everybody give me and Faye a minute alone it’s okay Louis I got it now rather than focus on all of this at a concrete level simply keep in mind that the person who controls the frame of a conversation will come across as more powerful and confident and for the purposes of charisma setting a higher energy frame is best in entrances and greetings whereas Harvey’s slower less reactive frame is more powerful in moments of conflict this brings us to the next main point powerful confident people respond to other people’s insults not by challenging the content of their insult but by attacking the frame challenging the content would imply that you’ve accepted their frame and need to defend yourself shifting the framing is a verbal way of taking back control and it’s the heart of quick wit check out a few examples here fantastic wine to make up for the maniac accompany don’t be too hard on yourself you’re not mediocre see that’s funny because you were talking about me so what is this a new cologne or just anger jealousy I’m surprised you don’t recognize your wife’s perfume I know you’re not married still funny now you don’t need to be cutting or sarcastic like Harvey was in the last clip the simple act of not being so concerned with literally defending yourself when someone makes a joke about you will take you a long way in fact the less that you focus on literally defending yourself the better your banter will become a key here though if you’re going to engage in banter is not to make it critical to win every exchange powerful people can mess around and they don’t need to win every time so when someone does jokingly get one up on Harvey he can confidently play along further solidifying his confidence and power we have breakfast at nougatine and an excursion to Hermes that may or may not involve a new handbag you’ve been needing a new handbag you can never have too many handbags Harvey’s next keyframe dictates how he interacts with clients and it’s the belief that he is not there to impress or to supplicate to them the unspoken frame is that they are lucky to be working with him so when they begin to disrupt this framing treating him as an inferior that they can berate he quickly asserts that he has the power to leave them you see it how you want to see it but if you can’t figure out a way to make Jonathan stay you’ll be the one who’s gone Tony I’m gonna fix this but let’s get one thing clear I’m not like the other lawyers you’ve burned through so the next time you go stomping around like a four-year-old throwing tantrums with me I’ll be the one getting rid of you again rather than responding to the content of what they’re saying by defending himself he responds to the framing that he ought to be working for their approval in the first place now you don’t have to flat-out tell clients that you don’t need them but if you’re any kind of sales role or client facing role you will perform much better if you shift your mindset from I’m selling this person or I work for this person to this person needs me to partner with them that means that you’ll push back when needed you’ll give better advice and sub communicate a powerful position that they’re more likely to want to associate with now another reinforcer of this partner frame is that rather than work for the praise of his clients Harvey allows them to earn his favor complimenting them when they’ve impressed him I don’t take meetings I set them and my respect isn’t demanded it’s earned that’s only two things what’s see see is for people who show me they no amv well since we’re quoting Jerry Maguire all I want is for you to show me the money you just took step number one towards earning my respect it feels good for the client because they’re receiving a compliment but it also reinforces the idea that Harvey is screening them when people feel they’ve been accepted to something exclusive it makes them value it much more than if they were simply sold into that thing that’s why people celebrate college admissions letters even though they essentially just received the biggest bill of their lives now you can use this principle without being conniving in your own life all it requires is that you pay attention to the moment that you think you know what I like this person it could be something as simple as saying during a greeting I love your enthusiasm it’s always a bummer when people are flat during interactions that little statement positions you both as friendly and discerning in terms of who you choose to spend time with now this takes us to the fourth way that Harvey conveys power again to do with frames and it’s that he is an expert at framing one’s options in any particular scenario when it comes to his opponents he frames their options in a very limited way he says here’s your choices things that you don’t want to do and the thing that I want you to do it makes people feel like he has total control over the situation we move forward with the suit lose-lose we can give you your money back plus the five hundred thousand or you and I can play poker for it but the truth is Harvey doesn’t have total control he’s just controlling the menu which is to say that he controls the options that are readily available in anyone’s mind and the person who controls the menu controls the outcome Harvey is savvy enough to never let people do this to him though he recognizes that there is always another option that suits him better than what the menu might say and what are your choices if someone puts a gun to your head talking about you do what they say or they shoot you wrong you take the gun you pull out a bigger one or you call their bluff or you do any one of a hundred and forty-six other things you can’t think for yourself maybe you want to cut out the video that we did on Tyrion Lannister goes deeper into this idea as it is a staple of Tyrians character and only to that in the description if you want to check it out but for now we have arrived at the fundamental mindset that makes Harvey so powerful and it’s that he creates options for himself in any negotiation the person who has a better second option is going to win they can afford to care less and Harvey knows that he can always get another client or another job or find another way if someone closes one path to him he has power because he doesn’t need anyone specific to do anything specific for him he can get what he wants and needs from a variety of sources this is a mindset that can improve your life dramatically in a ton of areas in dating create options that doesn’t mean that you need to date all the time it means that you simply become the type of person who knows that they’re capable of finding someone else that they love spending time with and that might mean that you work on the general social skills that you’re finding on our channel in your career create options you are far more likely to ask for and get a raise when you’ve been developing your skills in your free time and know that you could get another job if things didn’t work out in short power and confidence go up when you know that you have options if you want to get better at creating more options in your life you’re already on the right path because whether you’re focused on your career your dating life or your friendships charisma is a skill that will unlock incredible new options for you and make everything in life easier and if you want to fast-track your charisma growth with a step-by-step program that’s guaranteed to give you more charisma and confidence in 30 days I definitely recommend checking out our course charisma university in just six weeks it teaches you everything from how to make an amazing first impression through to commanding respect and being a leader everywhere you go and every day you get a step-by-step action guide to make powerful confidence your default mode of being which is nice because it takes the guesswork out of having to do all of this improvement you follow the guide you get the results and if not you can always get your money back within 60 days so if you want to fast-track to more confidence and charisma you can learn more about the course with the button on the screen now or the link in the description we’ve had over 4,000 members go through this course and get a ton out of it so I hope that you also decide to join this if this is an area of your life that you’re looking to improve either way I hope that you’ve enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one

source


48 Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. Tbh this isnt your best videos, but I love most of your content.

    This is so ficcional that if u try this in the real world all you get is enemys or a punch in the face.

    I think is time for us to let go the old "James Bond" attitude. And dont get me wrong, I love the Tom Cruise attitude for example (xD). But I understand those things happens mostly in TV.

    I used to be a lot like this guys and I will tell you something: you need to have strong arms or the will to pick a knife if you go really further this path.

  2. This is an extraordinary piece. There was a book I read with related content that shifted my perspective. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn

  3. A question I always have in these videos. Which are great BTW.

    For real people – are they aware at what they're doing to make them seem so charismatic. I presume not, even if it is a learnt trait. I say this because the advice here is consistently saying that you will get to a point when it's just natural.

    TV / film characters – are they written to do these things? The actor doing it? A mix of both (which seems more likely)? In which case are there a plethora of TV writers that have an elite understanding of what makes you charismatic? Cause it can't all be down to the actor

  4. lawyers trying to use acting and lawyer tricks on other lawyers rarely goes so smoothly in real life. for example ..if you want to make partner and a lucrative new client asks reasonably why they should pick you..and you tell them dont let the door hit you on the way out.. you may find yourself no longer partner material. or worse. soooo. its a tv show. not how things work in real life

  5. You also have to observe that some of Harvey's power comes from his physical stature. Many of the people he is over powering are shorter, smaller, sloping shoulders, face is rounded, not sharp, non angeled symmetrically powerful like Harvey's face and jawline.

  6. I REALLY don't know why Harvey wants to keep Mike beside him or wants to help him
    According to me, Mike and Rachel may have some good in them but they both are HYPOCRITE people because they don't agree to anything when Harvey first tells them mainly Mike he practically YELLS at Harvey who actually gave him life, he tells him to stay out of his life that pearson spector litt is the last place he wants to do the job and yet lastly he asks Harvey for raise, probono cases and place for his wedding
    ARGHHH he is such a irritating character
    In my opinion Harvey gave him way too much leniance and chances
    Mike isn't that worthy

  7. Soo practically pretend to be (someone you are not); a person that is not confident in themselves can only pretend to be. In other words, lying. When we lie we are not lying to others – that's incidental -, we are lying to ourselves. There is no escape from that; it is downright spiral. All these "learn how to be confident by posturing, pretending, etc." don't have any [positive] impact on a person. People that believe in ''fake it till you make it" and "act as if.." can only end up winning at this game; the prize is a forever cognitive dissonance. Not pretty.

  8. Everyone keeps talking about being attractive/mysterious/wise… But no one ever explains at what situations/moments/persons should you act this way💔🤦🏽‍♂️