Stop This Habit Today, Before People Start To Dislike You


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Ellen DeGeneres has been getting a lot of hate on the internet recently this video isn’t meant to be a commentary on her one way or the other but after seeing those hate videos we thought you’d like to know the common types of jokes that make people dislike you and some of the jokes you can make instead that will make people like you the first type of joke that will make someone dislike you is sharing their sensitive information to get a laugh for example watch Taylor Swift’s reaction after Ellen tries to get her to say who the song we are never ever getting back together is about now not everyone is uncomfortable talking about their exes so this isn’t immediately a bad idea for a gag but Taylor is obviously uncomfortable with it despite this Ellen plows ahead to try to get a laugh in the scenario it’s pretty obvious early on that Taylor wants Ellen to stop but normally you won’t get such clear feedback so there are two signs of discomfort you should look out for if you’re going to make jokes about potentially sensitive areas of someone else’s life if you see these signs it’s time to pull back and pivot topics the first sign you want to look for is verbal hesitation check out this clip of ariana grande and notice how she repeatedly cuts herself off mid-sentence the second sign is that Arianna shows shrinking and self-soothing body language first hugging herself then covering and touching various parts of her face body language like that is a clear cue to pull back and pivot to a different topic but instead Ellen plows ahead so she can tell her joke and while the audience laughs notice Arianna does not you know I’m his homey and now he’s living in your homey [Applause] there’s that right it seems like Ellen wanted to tell that joke no matter how ariana reacted and maybe as a talk-show host that’s okay but in your life if you plow through these signs of discomfort you’ll end up hurting your relationship with the person you’re talking about even if you get a laugh from other people in this next clip take note of Cara Delevingne self soothing body language as the Graham Norton starts to share a potentially sensitive sex story of hers I think your embarrassment that shows quite high why clearly Graham thinks this is a funny story and wants to share it with the audience and maybe he thinks that since Keira shared it with him she won’t mind him telling it and that’s all good there’s no harm in bringing it up but when you see these early signs of discomfort in your own life like breaking eye contact and self-soothing neck or face touches that’s your cue to change topics don’t continue to force the issue like Graham does if you notice someone nervously touching their face or suddenly closing off their body take it upon yourself to stop and redirect the conversation one great way to do this is to turn the joke back on yourself for example watch this awkward clip of Ellen trying to out Mariah Carey as pregnant by showing she won’t drink alcohol [Applause] ask you if you’re pregnant right then if Ellen had realized Mariah wasn’t comfortable sharing and said something like oh you don’t want to drink great that means to for me it would have gotten the laugh she wanted from the audience plus a laugh from Mariah and then she could have segwayed into Mariah’s upcoming album Mariah would have appreciated Ellen in that moment for taking the pressure off of her and inviting her to talk about something she actually wants to discuss when telling jokes you should aim to make the other person feel good any negative emotion the experience will be linked back to you this is the second mistake people sometimes make making jokes designed to make the other person feel guilty for example in this clip you’ll see Ellen attempt to jokingly make Dakota Johnson feel guilty for not inviting her to a party it does not go over well how was the party I wasn’t invited actually no that’s not the truth Ellen you were invited nice to know last time I was on the show last year he gave me a bunch about not inviting you but I didn’t even know you wanted to be invited to a party why I didn’t even know you liked me this is a surprisingly common joke that most people make when they’re hurt or don’t know how to communicate their frustration but ironically all you do with this joke is make the person want to spend less time with you than they already do Ellen continues the joke after Dakota Johnson’s co-star Zack mentions how great of a friend Dakota is from Dakota’s expression you can see she’s not enjoying this style of humor she’s not a good friend of mine but she’s a good friend to you and that’s what matters for another example here’s Jimmy Fallon trying the same joke with Robert Downey jr. crazy blowout from what I read I guess my invitation lost in the mill it’s fine obvi but you know I you know where I am pretty much every nevas know that you you can tell from Roberts face he does not love the joke and instead of responding with something apologetic he fires back with a burn you had a lot of people there pray over 30 people over there brother yeah thing about yeah you weren’t invited these jokes often become habits which is why you want to be careful you say them unthinkingly and then they backfire if you catch yourself making jokes like this your best bet is to change them out for jokes that make the other person feel good the examples in this video aren’t the norm for Ellen she’s actually quite good at making jokes that pretend to be teasing but are really meant to elevate the other person like here with Amy Adams you’re an amazing actress you’re not not one but two nominated films tonight you were in that’s just that is so what is the word for it selfish I guess if you want help learning how to build this positive habit you can check out our other video on Ellen which will link to in the description that said not every joke has to be a compliment in order to be well-received there’s nothing inherently wrong with teasing in fact this is how some of the closest friends interact with each other but one situation that will often get you in trouble is when you’re teasing someone of lower status than you for a solid example of how social status affects the reception of your jokes check out these two clips the first clip is Jimmy Kimmel a famous TV show host poking fun at markiplier and mrs. May two youtubers who he doesn’t know very well and who are by contrast less famous than him markiplier in particular doesn’t seem to like it you guys should try being around other humans [Applause] it’s likely markiplier felt Jimmy was coming from a mean place and mocking him contrast that with this clip of Sofia Vergara effectively making the same joke saying her husband has a nerdy personality I’ve heard you accuse him of being a nerd in what way is hold on what way is that hey nerd he’s inside of him he was just put in the wrong body I tell him you’re in you’re trapped in the wrong body Sofia can get away with calling her husband a nerd because they have a close relationship and because Jo is an incredibly handsome movie star so he’s very unlikely to feel sensitive about this or take offense and as overkill she even makes sure to compliment him each time before calling him a nerd that’s a great way to tease someone and still make them feel good so feel free to tease people you’re close to especially about things they’re unlikely to be sensitive about but be aware that those exact same jokes can come off as hurtful or mocking if you direct them to people who you don’t know well who aren’t as high on the social totem pole like lower classmen at school or people below you on the org chart at work and especially avoid teasing those people about something they care about if you follow this advice you’ll avoid alienating people with these common types of jokes but unfortunately there’s no guarantee that everyone will like you especially if you plan to live a life where you take risks and try to be exceptional you’re going to acquire haters and doubters along the way that’s why we created a program designed to help you develop deep and authentic confidence it’s a 30-day program that will give you emotional mastery so that even if you say the wrong thing in conversation make a mistake at work or don’t have things go the way you planned you’re able to pick yourself up with confidence and continue to feel great about yourself no self-doubt no beating yourself up the way this works is by focusing first and foremost on your relationship with yourself this means exercises that put an end to those moments where you’re controlled by fear of rejection failure or conflict a very common outcome is that members realize they deeply want to share what they’ve learned and help other people on their own personal development journeys so we’ve added a bonus section that is a crash course in starting a YouTube channel it’s one we made at the very beginning of our channel when we had about 20,000 subscribers so it’s a very tactical explanation of how to build from zero now this is only the third time we’ve spoken about emotional master on the YouTube channel in the past we only offered it to people who had joined our email list or charisma university program and that means there’s no page explaining the course just a checkout page so if you’re intrigued and want to know more the best thing to do is check out the course directly with the link below you can do that knowing that it comes with a 60 day money back guarantee there’s nothing you need to do no worksheets to fill out to get the refund you just go to billing and refund and you’ll get every penny back but I do hope you try it because it addresses how to live with more joy and be less controlled by worrying about what other people think of you if you’d like to join click the link below either way I really hope you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one you

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31 Comments

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  1. Since when is being called a nerd (aka intelligent) considered offensive? And since when does nerdness always project on the outside as well? Don't be fooled! Henry Cavill for example is a nerd. Nerds rock! 😄😃

  2. So I happen to know that before the interview in front of the audience, the host and the guest talk about what they are going to talk about back stage, they even do a small rehearsal. The guest being shy or uncomfortable is just an act to look like they are human or relatable to the rest of us. If they look relatable, that will make the audience like them more. And at the end of the day, for these celebrities, popularity is their priority.

  3. I always thought Ellen was okay until I watched one of her comedy specials. It was a strange contrast of how she could make strangers laugh but at the end, when she took questions from the audience one on one, a mean streak surfaced, and not in a funny Don Rickles kind of way but real aggravation at the person. I'm sure the people went home wondering why the change. I wasn't surprised when later allegations of a toxic work environment surfaced.

  4. Markiplier is bigger than Kimmel, Kimmel is coming from a place of insecurity and jealousy. It seems like someone teasing upward might come off as insecure or jealous.