The Curiosity Hook: Be Charming In Any Conversation


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hugh jackman is one of the most charming people in hollywood and the best part about his style of charisma is that once you get it down it’s effortless specifically hugh has six habits that make him charming to almost anyone he meets once you learn a few of these habits you can go into any conversation with confidence knowing you’ll find it easy to make people smile laugh and love being around you my hunches you get this a lot just seeing your face has lifted my spirits your natural sort of sense of self lifts people around you do people tell you that we all have some degree of natural charm when we’re comfortable but we lose this in situations where we feel like we’re being judged and need to impress like in a job interview a first date or when meeting a new group of people so the first trick you can steal from you is to reframe those situations that make you nervous here’s you explaining how he does this for audition i used to always go into an audition as though it was a rehearsal as if they said look i think you should sit down the chair i’ll say you know i think the character would stand and so it wasn’t just you’ve got all the power and i’m trying to please you but rather we’re trying to work together so for instance if you find yourself entering a date or an interview feeling pressure to perform or impress make sure you find time to ask questions designed to see if you like them too this will reframe the situation in your mind and give you more confidence another thing that helps you tremendously is that he’s doing something he loves in a way when i’m on stage it’s probably the most calm i feel most people screw this up when they’re making plans with someone for the first time because they try to plan something they think will impress instead make plans to do something you’ll enjoy in a setting that will make you comfortable if you’re relaxed and having fun then you’ll feel more confident and you’ll perform better hugh applies this to everything from athletics to singing to acting and it’s true of conversations as well he calls it the 85 rule here’s him describing it on the tim ferriss show i think that they call it the 85 rule if you tell most sort of a type athletes to run at their 85 capacity they will run faster than if you tell them to run 100 because it’s more about relaxation and fall this also sets you up well to succeed at the second habit that makes you incredibly charming he’s a master at being contagiously positive simply put people love being around you jackman because he makes them have fun and feel good about themselves and you can be confident that people love being around you if you can do the same this starts with a mindset your first goal in social situations should be to have fun yourself hugh applies this even in high stakes situations like hosting the oscars uh when i hosted the oscars i was i was like wow man this is a billion people and i just thought okay whatever you do just remember you’re a kid from moronga in sydney you’re hosting the oscars have some fun and you can see this in action when hugh is performing at the oscars notice the audience reaction when he can’t help himself from laughing fell behind my batmobile took longer than i thought to design the reader i know i need to see the reader hugh has the classic signs of happy confidence a big smile and a big laugh but what makes his positivity so contagious is how encouraging he is with other people when they start to join in watch how he engages with what this interviewer is saying my dad loved you but he never got your name right what was it stu jackson he asks her a question laughs and compliments the punchline this is less than 30 seconds into the conversation imagine if you were her how this would set a tone for a great interaction here’s another example from the same conversation where they try to sing together note that hugh is a tony award-winning singer and she self-admittedly cannot sing paper peeling in the corner [Applause] she easily could have felt self-conscious but his high five and encouraging words make her feel good for joining in if you smile big laugh loudly and encourage other people when they become playful they will love being around you now that said the goal is not to be fake it’s to get in touch with your natural playfulness and positivity hugh’s next habit actually helps tremendously with this and it makes you feel more confident and look more confident to the people around you this may seem counterintuitive but it’s to give yourself permission to admit to emotions beyond happiness most people think admitting to certain emotions shows some sort of weakness but hugh is confident sharing emotions many men wouldn’t be saw it in berlin next to him i was just weeping and i was nervous man i was really nervous all my head is saying you’re gonna screw this up this is yours to lose right the reason this is charming is because everyone has these feelings so when you share them people connect with that experience and they respect you because you’re sharing something they’d be scared to share this also helps your confidence because you train yourself to realize there’s no emotion you have to hide or pretend you don’t feel and it makes the conversation more effortless because you don’t have to worry about pretending to be someone you’re not this ties directly to hugh’s next great habit he owns his flaws and isn’t afraid to talk about them for instance here he is talking about being weaker than the guys he worked with when he did a cameo in professional wrestling when the guy said you hit me like a girl did you feel emasculated you’re like don’t say that to me did you get pissed off no he was absolutely right i’m an actor like if i if you hit me i cry it’s the real world as another example listen to him tell a story about when he was cast to play a part in a musical that was outside his vocal range i said but i can’t sing that you’ll be fine and every night i would go out there every night there was three performances [Laughter] and for one last example listen to him tell this story about his dad and watch for the interviewer’s reaction at the end no matter anything i’ve ever done acting wise he says exactly the same thing phew wonderful work van helsing it just really van helsing got terrible reviews and the fact he’s willing to poke fun at it goes over incredibly well with the audience now that said in your own life it’s best if you start with laws you aren’t terribly insecure about rather than stories that highlight your deepest insecurities save those for once this becomes something you’re very comfortable doing and that you’re getting great reactions from a good place to start is simply being able to laugh when you mess up or make a [Music] [Applause] it mistake one thing that will help you share your flaws charismatically is being a good storyteller hugh is particularly good at telling sticky stories they grab your attention and keep it he does this by focusing first on saying a hook that builds curiosity i don’t know if i’ve told anyone this photo um anyway um wow this is another story i don’t think i’ve told but she didn’t know oh god he’s an embarrassing story start your stories with a hook like that and you can be confident that you will grab people’s attention if you aren’t sure how to hook people into your story a great go-to is to explain why it was a high-stakes situation for you here’s an example from hugh we did four workshops over four years there were about 80 people with a checkbook in there like so it was will this or will it not happen based on this one performance watch how as he continues to tell the story he reinforces that this was a high-stakes situation i had 80 stitches in my nose and i passed up and said great i’m back to rehearsal i’m going to sing tomorrow and he goes doctors like no no you can’t sing tomorrow i you know because of my the stitches may come apart and i said you don’t understand this is our make or break set your stories up with curiosity and stakes and people will be captivated now we can’t discuss hugh jackman’s charm without touching on perhaps his greatest strength of all he has an incredible ability to make the people around him feel special one of the best ways hugh does this is with his oh wow compliment i would never forgive myself gary if i didn’t tell you you are one of the greatest actors to have ever lived you’re one of my inspirations a genuine compliment that feels special is one of the fastest ways to make someone like you but compliments can go wrong in two ways if it seems like you’re just saying it to be polite or like you’re sucking up in this next clip notice how hugh’s compliment could have come across as just being nice but then watch what he does to make it feel genuine there i was sitting next to one of my heroes and i’m not just saying that to be nice i was at drama school watching the john barton how to play shakespeare tapes with uh with patrick playing and i thought one day i want to work with him and there i was hugh adds context to the compliment which makes it obvious he’s being real here’s another great one you can tell that initially this compliment doesn’t mean much to emily listen don’t understand what you did look there’s julie andrews is unbelievable in every single way you are unbelievable in every single way no i mean now watch her reaction as he adds context to the compliment it’s also you go in as someone who knows musical theater or movie musicals you go in like this that’s a lot you’ve taken on a lot that’s a big part like it’s a and from the opening scene you just go ah oh you’re the best by adding context in this case that his compliment comes from his own experience in musical theater he gets emily to laugh and feel the compliment comes from a real place of appreciation we’ve covered compliments in detail in other videos but just to quickly review the best compliments will be something you genuinely appreciate about the other person something the other person takes pride in and ideally something they don’t hear complimented often if you can get all three you’ll make someone light up and love you for it now that said delivering that type of compliment might be something you’re not comfortable with at the moment so there’s a much easier way to make someone feel special that you can be confident you can pull off in any conversation eye contact this is something we’ve all heard before and yet many of us don’t actually use eye contact correctly and hugh is world class at it for example how often do we see celebrities answer fan questions by looking around vaguely at an entire auditorium watch what hugh does instead wants to know what was it like for you to say goodbye to that character it was last year jenna you there yes [Laughter] he gives his full attention to whoever he’s speaking to whether it’s an a-list celebrity or an audience member he doesn’t know this is a powerful thing what most people do is listen with eye contact but then break it when they’re speaking in our tom holland video we talk about how to spread eye contact around while telling a story to keep an entire group captivated what you can learn from hugh is how powerful it can be to lock in on someone after they’ve asked you a question having the full focus of someone you like feels amazing and once you start doing the other habits in this video you may find people even start to ask you questions just to try to earn your undivided attention now hopefully this video has given you the tools to enter any conversation with confidence knowing how to make anyone have fun and feel good if social confidence is an area you really want to improve i recommend checking out our course charisma university it’s a step-by-step online program guaranteed to make you more confident and charismatic in just 30 days over 5 000 people have joined the program and here’s what just a few of them have had to say about it first before cu i sucked at having conversations and i had low confidence around people but i am way more confident now having gone through the daily action guides and i can see a big difference in the intention and respect that i get it makes life so much more fun i don’t think it’s an overstatement to say charisma is literally a gateway to getting anything you want in life so thank you for making charisma university another member wrote after completing only just a few cu modules my biggest breakthrough has been gaining more confidence if you knew me a year ago you’d see a socially awkward guy but that same guy had hidden confidence in charisma that has now been unleashed if you’re reading this or listening right now think about who you want to be in a year this course will teach you how to be that person and this last one comes from a guy who says cu helped his dating life he says firstly loving the course i have cherry picked a few things for example the filter lesson in the conversation module this one lesson completely changed my life i’ve liked a girl for a year now but never thought much of it because i thought she was too pretty took your lessons gave things a shot and now we’re dating charisma university also comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee which is 100 for any reason whatsoever and it’s 60 days even though the course is only 30 days just so there’s no risk on your part either you become more confident and charismatic or you get every penny back so if this interests you and you want to unlock your confidence and charisma i highly recommend you click on the link that’s on screen now or in the description below to find out more about charisma university either way i hope that you’ve enjoyed this video and i hope to see you in the next one

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33 Comments

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  1. A bit of backward psychology. If you are feeling nervous on a date because you really like this woman, find something out about her, and then compliment her on that thing.
    So, for instance: "what are you studying?"
    She answers: "English."
    "Oh, wow. I'm kind of jealous at all the great books you are probably reading and have read. You must be great at analysis."
    At this point she will likely take a step down, which is our natural inclination to be humble. When she does this, circle back around into what she is reading at the moment, and what she thinks about it.
    By making HER feel good about herself, it will naturally make you feel better and more confident, and build chemistry.

  2. Just be yourself and honest.
    Sometimes initial charm can be misleading, and a few meetings later, you end up knowing the real traits.

    So don't put on a facade to be likeable.

  3. 6:23 I was singing a song in front of friends and as I tried to hit a high note, my voice changed like a teenager going through puberty and it sounded awful! We all just burst out laughing, I said "that was so bad' and carried on singing. Why be embarrassed – -just have fun and don't take yourself too seriously.
    Sometimes I will even be in the middle of an awkward situation and just say 'Boy…this is awkward' LOL

  4. The one thing he does wrong is being disingenuous; no one believes him when he goes on about how he gets that physique 'for the fans' or puts himself down, it ends up coming across as arrogant and ingenuine. See also no one believes that he really is attracted to his wife. I have no doubt he loves her but it's more likely he married her for let's say other reasons he's less honest about. He protests too much in other words.

  5. You know, YouTube algorithm used to offer me your videos, and I would always decline because i am proficient in many of the topics you address, but I have since changed tacks and started watching your videos, the hook was when you started using Game of Thrones, which was easily more interesting to me as it speaks to the craft of writing.

    As it goes, I have, of course been binge watching your videos and all are great! Even this one with a real person is top notch 😉

    And I feel I must congratulate you, because your videos are so well put together and so funny and so interesting and extremely concrete and useful.

    I hope this won’t offend you but I watch them much as I watch stand-up comedy, which is to relax and end with a smile on my face, and to keep something useful and thoughtful to take home with me.
    The 85% rule sounds swell. Never knew Wolverine was such a gem of a person.
    Thank you, and keep enjoying your work! All my best to you ❤

  6. DUDE PLEASE MAKE A VIDEO ON SHAH RUKH KHAN, He is the most charming man on planet! He has enough number of English Interviews for you to make a video on him!

  7. All in all found this video a COMPLETE FREEKING JOKE ! What’s the looonnngg drawn out point ? Lmfao. Basically “ BE U JACKMAN “. That’s easy . Give me a break 😊

  8. Great pointers to assess in yourself and in the people you like and admire. I'm thinking about a friend who is not smart, average-looking, and pretty shallow. But he's positive and appreciative of what he has — and when he laughs, "the whole world laughs with him."