“The Simple Reason Why 99% Of Nice Guys Get Cheated On” | Jordan Peterson

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imagine you’ve been married for 10 years and then your wife tells you that she has had three Affairs each of them lasted three years and the last one has lasted five years and it’s still ongoing or maybe you discover that okay so then you might say well what happens then well what happens is that everything you thought was wrong if you’re betrayed badly enough not only are you not going to understand your immediate past with that person oh and by the way your Future’s also gone so that’s a big problem as is your present has become radically more complex but it’s worse than that because if you’re really betrayed you’re also going to think who am I that I could be that stupid and then you’re going to think what is a human being that they can be that corrupt you ended up establishing a relationship with someone who was really not good for you and that might mean well they just it was just a bad personality match or it might mean they really weren’t good for you because you know you could get pretty unlucky and you can get tangled up with someone who’s very deceitful and very malevolent and who could care less about you or maybe who even wants to hurt you and then you can establish a trusting relationship with them or at least you trust them and then one day you know you find out that they are not who they said they were or even more importantly they are not who you thought they were it’s like a you don’t know that person B they’re not communicating with you nor are you with them maybe they’re just subordinating themselves to you or you to them and you’re not growing you want someone who can a real relationship is a wrestling match it’s a grappling it’s a grappling phenomena that you both emerge transformed from and that’s what people want they don’t want to push over not not unless there’s something wrong with them and a narcissistic person who never wants to be challenged will want a partner who does nothing but deliver exactly what they’re told to deliver but they will mistreat them beyond belief what is the optimal relationship look like in terms of positive and negative emotion you might say well Utopia nothing but positive interactions it’s like no imagine you get people to code the interactions they have with their partner during the day you know you sample it you say was that interaction positive or negative and then what you’re trying to do is predict the longevity of the relationship okay so here’s the data if it falls under five positive interactions to one negative interaction the relationship doesn’t continue fair enough too much negative that’s easy to understand if it exceeds 11 positive to one negative the relationship doesn’t last why no challenge right what do you want from your partner Bliss no no no you don’t you have to pay attention to your own uncomfortable negative emotions in order to manage that and not and not pretend that everything’s all right or that you’re nicer than you are or that you’re less jealous than you are or or or less blind or whenever a hiccup occurs in the relationship maybe you don’t call it out at each hiccup you know because you have to have a certain amount of Silent tolerance in any relationship to let small infractions go but if they repeat my rule is three times and it’s the rule that we I share with my wife if something happens three times that is causing emotional upset anger jealousy disappointment resentment frustration any of those things anything that you don’t want to experience and that you especially don’t want to experience repeatedly then you can call it out and and if you if you have three examples your case is much better made than if you just have one you project your idealization onto the person that you’re romantically attracted to that’s the projection of an archetype so young would say the woman will project Anonymous onto the man the Animus is her conceptualization of what the ideal man is it’s unconscious because it’s rooted in fantasy and the man will be in concordance with that projection in some areas that’s those are the areas where she likes them by the way and will be discordant in other areas and that’s the areas where she constantly disappoints him as the relationship develops so the projection is there in part to help the person understand who it is that they’re dealing with because when you meet someone you have to you have to assume something about them it’s the same as projection you have to assume something about I mean if you find them fascinating which is what happens if you fall in love maybe it’s because they smell good or they’re symmetrical or something you immediately assume that well those things really matter you immediately assume that they embody the ideal it’s an oversimplification but oversimplification has a basis and the basis is if it’s interesting to me it must be close to the ideal well yeah except the person that you’re going out with attracted to do is Warped and bent and flawed and twisted in you know 300 ways and you’ll find that out soon enough just as they will about you and that often just blows the relationship into pits because the person will say well she wasn’t who I thought she was like well who said whoever said she was who you thought she was it’s like where did you get the misapprehension that she was going to be who you thought she was so there’s a big problem here my wife had an affair question mark what’s going on but then they provide an answer I still love her when when a bomb like that goes off in the midst of your life everything is up for grabs and so to immediately say I still love her it’s like yeah maybe and maybe not and if that’s all you feel well then that in itself is definitely a problem and also might be a key to why it happened to begin with because you appear to be the sort of person who can be stomped on pretty damn hard and not object I think modern women don’t really understand about men they don’t understand that at least to the degree that males are uncorrupted and not better because of being rejected they’re doing everything they can to kneel before the Eternal image of the feminine and try to make themselves Worthy that’s the chivalry story right that’s what you should encourage in your partner a lot very large number of my clinical clients but also young men I’ve talked to in general are absolutely terrified of women because they’re terrified of being rejected and the terror exists in precise proportion to the retraction to the woman which is a horrible paradoxical situation to be in it’s often why men make such fools of themselves in front of women that they’re attracted to it’s because first of all they don’t see the woman that they’re attracted to because what the hell do they know about her they don’t see her as an individual they see her as the manifestation of a judgmental ideal and then it’s only in establishing the relationship with the actual woman that they can start differentiating between the judgmental ideal and and the actual individual woman and that also requires a sacrifice and the sacrifice is you never can have an ideal woman so to have a relationship with any woman you have to sacrifice the relationship with the ideal woman and you have to see the individual woman and separate her from the ideal and that’s the same thing that happens to the hero in Sleeping Beauty right he sees the evil queen who actually turns into the dragon of chaos and it’s not until he can he can defeat her that he can establish a relationship with the actual princess one of my clients who ran this men’s group which was quite interesting one of the things they had the initiates do which was very intelligent was to go out and ask 50 women in one day for their phone numbers why politely properly you know it wasn’t it wasn’t it was a game but it wasn’t a stupid game and the idea was get over your fear of rejection and how do you do that by encountering it continually and continually and continually so that you’re no longer Paralyzed by this the question is well what do you do in the garden given that there’s a snake in it and the answer to that is something like you become the master of snakes and so and that’s a deep idea that’s the same idea as confronting the dragon and getting the treasure that’s the same idea as going to the bottom of the ocean and rescuing your father from the belly of the whale it’s the same idea and that’s an element in the greatest of stories and the greatest of stories is heroic heroic story and the heroic story is to voluntarily confront the unknown when it manifests itself and to gather something of value as a consequence and to share it with the community there isn’t a story that’s more emblematic of what it means to be human than that that that is us that’s our best bet



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  1. You have to check how the girl is for about a year & check out all the red flags ⛳ before you marry 💍her. Some guys have never had a female that they're really attracted to so they ignore them & fall in love with them. Then it stresses them & leaves them in hurt & pain on the long run.