How To Raise Your Self Esteem


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with the exception of the big one of ventures and game has almost no fight scenes and that’s because the core of the drama is the characters internal struggles almost every avenger begins lacking in confidence and self-esteem then they must go on their own journeys to reclaim those things now not every answer to self-esteem can be found in the movie but it does make a great jumping-off point to discuss five key mindsets that actually raise your self-esteem and confidence as shown through each character’s journey this is gonna be different from other breakdowns that I’ve done in the past that are more behaviorally focused but I hope this one is just as valuable because these mindsets are so core to feeling confident in leading a happy life and I don’t often have occasion to talk about them obviously endgame spoilers ahead let’s start with the first mindset failure does not make you unworthy of happiness or love now at the beginning of endgame Thor does not believe this and he’s a complete wreck because of it like many people who might find themselves in a depression Sora is distracting himself from his pain with alcohol and video games and like many of those people he knows all the right things to say but can’t get himself to feel those things in life is impermanent Thor’s problem is in assuming that he can just put the past behind him by distracting himself from it none of us can do that at least not without serious consequences in order to properly move forward from trauma you need to confront how your past still affects your emotional responses in the present but a key to this is to allow yourself to review your past without using the word should instead focus on understanding why you did what you did because understanding leads to forgiveness and forgiveness is what allows you to learn from the past without staying locked in guilt that is exactly what the words mom explains to him did you know what that means just like everyone else supposed to be like everyone else mi everyone fails that who they’re supposed to be Thor Thor’s should have mindset is one shared by some of the most ambitious people I know they should have been better should have been perfect and the lesson from Thor’s mother is the same one that all those people need who you are supposed to be does not exist except in your head as a mechanism by which you torture yourself so you can’t allow the fact that you might have fallen short of some imagined ideal to impact your sense of worthiness now the marker of this is when Thor’s hammer returns but the point is more applicable in all of our own lives in the previous scene where Thor realizes that he is worthy of forgiveness and of love and so are all of us this takes us to the second lesson self forgiveness still might not come easily to you especially if you don’t have that Freya figure to offer to you like Thor does so you need to learn to offer yourself at least as much compassion and understanding as you would a dear friend this is Hawkeye struggle because like Thor he failed but even worse after his failure he became brutal towards others as a way to express his pain he fails morally by the time he comes back to the team he doesn’t think that he even deserves a second chance and when it comes time to someone to die to obtain the soul stone he says as much I’m trying to save your life you know I don’t but Natasha reminds him of something that we often forget I don’t judge people in their worst mistakes most people are ten times harder and less forgiving of themselves and they would be to a friend when it comes to that friend we can see that they’re never all bad they’re never beyond redemption but we don’t extend ourselves that same level of compassion and understanding preferring to mentally abuse ourselves in a mistaken belief that it’s going to make us better in the future instead I recommend that you practice what I call best friend brain me that every now and then when you’re in a storm of berating yourself ask yourself what you would say to your best friend if they were in the same position as you you’ll often find the compassion comes easier when you think of it that way now after you’ve forgiven yourself it is critical that you don’t then use that as an excuse to continue doing all the same bad behaviors and that is the lesson of nebulas arc though it is healthy to stop focusing and on what you should have done in the past that doesn’t mean that you deny your responsibility for what you do now this is the key tenet of high self esteem now the nebula from 2014 doesn’t get this and is miserable she has the possibility of an alternate happier life literally right in front of her but she refuses to admit that she can change and she uses two common defense mechanisms to avoid that responsibility first she appeals to her identity you don’t this is the same excuse we often make when we don’t want to take responsibility for something we say I’m just not that kind of person which may be true but you could become a different person if you put in the effort though that would be difficult and we pretend instead that our identity is fixed as it is then nebula blames something outside of herself you can change again this is an incredibly common mindset that holds people back and of course Thanos represents a serious obstacle for nebula to be different but not one that completely takes away her freedom the same is true in your life I’m sure that there are strong structural reasons why you can’t be the version of yourself you might like to but those do not shut out the possibility and pretending they do only keeps your self-esteem low in fact the harder things are in your life the more your self-esteem will rise when you affirm your responsibility to act in spite of everything holding you back now the older nebula kills the stuck version of herself but you don’t have to be so violent even metaphorically you can instead engage in a bit of self dialogue listen to the voices in your head that hold you back thank them for doing their best to protect you from change and let them know that you can handle it from here this kind of self compassion often leads to more confidence and more self-esteem in the long run rather than simply trying to kill off parts of your psyche now this brings us to Captain America and his lesson is that you need to learn a healthy enlightened selfishness because self-sacrifice for its own sake isn’t noble caps decades-long arc begins with a sacrifice he flies a Plane full of bombs into the Arctic saving New York but it’s a leading end game scene ask the question we all did at the time why did you have to crash the plane anyway bombs on board and you couldn’t have jumped out of the plane before you crashed it now one reason is that it was convenience at the plot and the writers didn’t think about it but there is a reason consistent with caps character that works as well he believes that self-sacrifice is necessary to do good he thinks he must suffer in order to be a good person come on there men laying down their lives I got no right to do any less than that that’s what you don’t understand and that mentality of sacrificing himself becomes his go-to solution even when it doesn’t have to be you’re not the guy to make the sacrifice play to lay down on a wire or let the other guy crawl over you I think I would just cut the wire caps journey is to realize that he can pursue his own happiness while still being a good person now we see this beginning with the decision he makes in civil war but it stands out the most in his final decision to pursue a life with Peggy in the past the same is true for you you can be a good person and practiced enlightened selfishness it’s a balancing act and I can’t give you a rubric for every situation but to give one concrete example pursuing your own interests for instance pursuing a career path that your friends or family might not approve of is generally a positive way to be selfish now the same goes for who you choose to date or to spend time with these are not areas where you want to sacrifice in order to please others and when you do stand up for your own desires your self-esteem inevitably rises and this brings us finally to Tony his lesson is a phrase you may have heard me say before in relationship to confidence but it’s maybe the most important mindset there is so it bears repeating Tony’s lesson is to have faith that everything will be okay now Tony doesn’t start off with this mentality he rejoins the Avengers full of spite and resentment he feels betrayed let down and regretful I said we’d lose you said we’ll do that together too guess what captain we lost you weren’t there but life goes on and the next five years wind up being some of the best he’s ever had by the time Tony visits the past he’s learned that fear nervousness and despair are usually the result of being too zoomed in what’s gonna happen today this week or even this year but when you take the really big picture he starts to have faith that somehow things will be okay now in other videos I’ve discussed a number of different ways to come to the same belief but in Tony’s case it’s based on his experienced he has seen the lowest day in the history of the universe and he’s seen that there’s beauty and possibility even after that he’s seen that his childhood which he originally thought was lacking what do you remember about you did huh he was cold he was calculating he never told me he loved me and never even told me he liked me could be reinterpreted as genuinely positive with the benefit of a wider perspective and now looking back on it I just remember the good stuff so if you’ve ever had tough times and made it through which I’m almost positive you have look to those experiences for faith that things will be okay in the future at the time you might not have believed that you were gonna make it through that difficult thing but you did and when you recognize and refer back to those moments you raise your self-esteem and increase your ability to handle today with strength this feeling crystallizes for Tony when he hears his dad caught in the same zoomed-in concerns he had when he became a father did you feel qualified I get any idea how to successfully operate that thing I literally pieced it together as I went along I thought about what my dad did my old man he never met a problem he couldn’t solve with a belt and despite the fact that Tony’s life didn’t turn out exactly as he might have wanted it to it won’t for you either fYI he gives his dad the most important mindset there is for confidence the one that gives him the courage to die a hero and at peace if you’re interested in the fastest way that I know to build both competence and charisma I would recommend checking out our program charisma University it’s a step-by-step guided program that’s guaranteed to give you more confidence and charisma in just 30 days and it’s structured with a daily action guide so that there’s no guesswork when it comes to learning these habits you just follow the guide and you get the results now you can read all about the details in the link below but I figured the best way to let you know what this is all about is just to let the members speak for themselves so here are just a few of the things that Cu members have written in via email or the course comments the first one comes from a guy who got promoted to a senior position early in his career and he says I don’t even have a Bachelor diploma yet they want me to fill this position and when asked why this was the answer you have great social skills which is rare for an engineer you can think quick on your feet and you are open and self-assured in your demeanor thank you so much for all that you’ve taught me you have truly changed my life because without Cu I wouldn’t have qualified for that position in a million lifetimes now this next one comes from another person who started a new job saying I wanted to let you know that I nailed those first days at work everything that I needed was right there at the right moment the confidence the energy the smile the positive mindset and all with your tips from last Tuesday in mind it could just not go wrong and he finishes by saying I just wanted to emphasize that what I did the previous day’s would not even have come to my mind if I had not discovered that charisma is a skill that can be learned thanks to your YouTube channel and university program and this last one is a comment in the course from someone who’s that mainly to improve their social and dating life and he says life changing in six weeks I went from being socially awkward with few friends to the life of every event I attend I also went from having serious girl problems to dating the girl of my dreams charisma University transform me from a lonely introvert hoping to better connect with people to an energy filled extrovert who makes new friends everywhere I go and there are more success stories just like those in the comments if you decide to join in the course if you do join it comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee which is 100 percent for any reason at all and it’s 60 days even though the course is only 30 days because I want to make sure that every single person truly feels like they’re getting a ton of value from the course otherwise you can just refund so if you want to check the course out go ahead click the link on the screen now or below in the description we’ve had thousands of members go through this course and get a ton out of it I hope that you decide to join if this is an area of your life that you’re looking to improve either way you deserve to have high self esteem I hope that this video has helped you with that and I look forward to seeing you in the next one

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40 Comments

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  1. This is such a phenomenal video among many on this channel. All of these applied to and resonated with me but the one that hurt the most and I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to fully realize this is Thor’s/the first one but specifically: “he knows all the right things to say but he can’t get himself to feel those things.”

  2. Literally every single sentence this guy says is worth pausing the video and thinking about. His videos are really worth your time unlike other unpractical videos on the same topic.!!

  3. “Be more selfish”? I’m not surprised that so many people gave this video a thumbs up. We live in a very selfish society. Promoting selfishness is so much the reason why many people feel “entitled”. Admittedly, I didn’t watch the video, but the title triggers me. We need less selfishness, less entitlement, less me-first thinking, and less arrogance.

  4. Very well done. A lot of good insights and a lot of reasons why the Avengers were so good but one may not have truly realized it. The characters have different journeys and different struggles. It's almost like, this is the core why Justice League failed, none of those characters have any character arc that is worth paying any attention to.