Pause For Effect: Instantly Be More Attractive


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Aubrey Plaza is pretty well known for her awkward moments what is the wizard you see you’re drinking my water that could be bad but despite and even because of her awkwardness she is extremely popular successful and attractive to many people which is why in this video we are going to break down how to turn your awkward moments into ones that actually make people more drawn to you and I’m not saying that everything Aubrey does is something you want to copy but you can learn a ton from her approach so to begin with it helps to understand what causes awkwardness in the first place one way that you can unintentionally cause an awkward situation is by not knowing and then not following social protocols in any given situation for instance giving a one-word answer to an icebreaker to be clear there isn’t a hard and fast rule that says you need to say thanks for having me in fact as long as you display positivity and enthusiasm you’ll do fine in any sort of greeting there’s not one specific thing to say but one thing that you should really do and it’s one thing that I saw Aubrey miss early in her career is shake people’s hands or make some kind of physical contact in the greeting otherwise awkward things like this can happen now if you mess any of this up for whatever reason you stumble on your words you miss a handshake the best thing to do is a key principle of turning awkwardness into attraction and that is to call it out discomfort balloons when everyone knows that something is awkward but no one acknowledges it and the person who does call out an awkward moment gets points for having the guts to do so so allow yourself to lean into the awkwardness for a moment like this [Applause] Coenen kind of teases PewDiePie here but I generally recommend that you don’t make it the other person’s fault when you’re calling out awkward moments and this is actually something that Audrey does very well whatever bit of awkwardness occurs you can act like it was planned in a joking matter and this is what she does in this next clip when the music runs long at an acceptance speech [Music] thank you that’s my theme song now calling a situation out can define you as a leader in a group but if you want to take the extra step and really make people laugh from an awkward moment you can call out that situation and then lean into it even further now Auber demonstrates that idea in this next clip as the camera lingers too long on her inner thigh she runs with this joke now there is one category that I want to bring up in particular and that is when someone makes a social mistake I don’t mean that you’re going around fact-checking people politically or scientifically but when someone calls you by the wrong name or has a piece of food on their face or says nice to meet you when you’ve met before you definitely definitely want to call these moments out these are the ones that the awkwardness can get out of control if you don’t say something early and that brings us to the next group of things that can become awkward that we want to turn around and that is when you give short answers as people are trying to make small talk with you for instance someone says how are you you respond good or they say what did you do this weekend you simply say not much and conversation dies there or I don’t know many people from Delaware thank you yeah now if you’re not on television you’re not gonna have a David Letterman to laugh it off and push the conversation forward in fact it might die right there and you’ve probably experienced something like that and that’s why as Aubrey has gone later into her career you can see her answer these basic warm-ups small talk questions and then add something that the question reminds her of that extra sentence carries the conversation and is an excellent habit to get into generally no really is a little kid did you really think that plazas were named after you I mean no but I did I did I do remember as a child like one of the first like lies I think that I ever like told was like like I told a bunch of people in my class at the Plaza Hotel that my dad owned it or something and that takes us to the third cause of awkwardness which is not having appropriate expressions to give your words context when people don’t know what emotional response is appropriate in any given situation they sometimes just freeze and they feel awkward which can make you feel awkward and then the whole thing spirals out of control this is why we look to someone’s emotional expression as much as we listen to their words when we’re paying attention to them those awkward moments occur when your delivery is flat and the appropriate emotional response can become ambiguous like here now you have a few options to make these sort of situations turn from awkward to more attractive first off if you’re going with that more deadpan delivery know that this actually works best when what you’re saying is so over-the-top strange that the juxtaposition between your delivery and your words is undeniably humorous like in this clip yes if other people aren’t picking up on your more deadpan style of humor there is a time to break and simply laugh at yourself which Clues all the other people in and saves the joke from just becoming weird myself yesterday singing a song out loud though goes kill kill kill die die die [Laughter] but in the worst case scenario when the crowd is not getting the emotional response that you’re going for it you can just pause and explain yourself again this is following the theme from the first tip which is that awkwardness is compounded when it goes unrecognized and unspoken but when you have the social savviness and the confidence to just bring it up it can dissipate quickly now the next type of Auburn s is maybe one of the most common and this is one that you’ll want to turn around when you don’t know what to do in a conversation we’ve all had that moment where you can’t think of what to say and it leads to an awkward silence or worse ends the conversation entirely if you do run into this and you don’t know how to respond to a question straining to keep that trailing conversation going could be even more awkward and instead what you can do is something so awkward that it actually saves the conversation the hard pivot you just take the conversation in a brand new direction or drop something completely random in to lighten the mood like this that look about I just offered to save your life by flying and you did it I felt terrible now marry me you say chimpanzee or chimpanzee yeah now in my opinion the best of these hard pivots is the first one marry me and that’s because the joke has a positive subtext towards Conan so when you’re flat out of things to say and you introduce one of these hard pivots keep in mind that the more positive the subtext the more likely it is to be laughed at and accepted by whoever you’re speaking to now I have definitely been a bit random and covering these awkward moments because it can come up in so many different kinds of scenarios but there is a common thread that ties all of these things together and as always this most important piece comes down to a mindset with Aubree in particular she isn’t trying to do what she is supposed to do in any of these situations she’s not micromanaging what people think of her fun with it and not take it too seriously because I just the minute that I like really get wrapped up in that and think like like this is like what I need to say or this is whatever like this is the great paradox of self-improvement as it relates to confidence charisma and attraction on the one hand there are concrete things that you can do to be more likeable and comfortable in social scenarios on the other hand overloading yourself with what you should do is no fun at all and it’s going to make you come across as stiff and robotic so the best advice for using this channel is worth repeating now and it’s to pick just one thing to focus on at a time maybe it’s adding another sentence after the small talk maybe it’s playing around with some hard pivots let that be the one habit that you develop offer everything else just be as you are today and that might mean that you say random vulnerable things or it might mean that you joke around about your own insecurities but weirdly enough when you allow these moments to just happen naturally you don’t try to fix all of them you tap into the same core of Aubrey’s appeal which is that she isn’t putting on airs and in the long term it’s that comfort with your own awkwardness that winds up turning it into something attractive you’re the most fascinating person I’ve talked to if you want to know the most important habit to focus on every single day so that you quickly build both confidence and charisma I would recommend checking out our program charisma University it’s a step-by-step online course that is guaranteed to give you more confidence and charisma in just 30 days and it’s structured with the daily action guide so that you’re not guessing when it comes to which habits you need to learn first or the orders to go after you just follow the guide and you will get the best charisma and results that I’ve ever seen now you can read all about the details inside in the link below but I figured the best way to let you know about what the course is is just to let the members speak for themselves so here are a few things that Cu members have written in via email or the course comments the first one comes from a woman who has seen changes in her relationships with family and with friends and she says hey Charlie just wanted to let you know how awesome this course has been for me so far for the first time in my life I feel like everyone around me cared about what I was saying it seemed like everyone listened to me and respond freely well to my jokes and to the serious things as well I didn’t really think I would like being in the center but I loved it thanks so much for sharing your knowledge with all of us it’s been really life changing so far the next one comes from a woman who you see you to get a new job and she says I would like to reach out and thank you and your team at charisma University long story short thanks to my new mindset and attitude I was able to successfully get into a 16-week IT program among the hundred people that applied I was one of the seventeen students that got accepted I connected with over 60 IT professionals and in building my network tool and in internship I didn’t even notice I was doing all of this until one of my classmates commented on how good I am and networking the feeling of realizing how much I’ve changed and where that has got me is absolutely phenomenal I am so happy and so thankful to you and charisma on command it truly changed my life and I just want to say from the bottom of my heart thank you now the last one comes from a guy who joined charisma University last year and saw changes across the board in his life he says hi Charlie I wanted to thank you for all your great content I’ve actually read some books on this stuff but your videos are by far the most valuable my job has improved my outlook with women has improved actually met my wife by being more confident and my life in general is in a better place this stuff really works and there’s so many more success stories just like those in the comments if you decide to join the course if you do join it comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee which is 100 percent for any reason at all and I hate those courses that make you jump through hoops we make sure not to do that we also make sure that it is 60 days even though the course is only 30 because I want to make sure that every single person is actually getting a ton of value from the course if you’re not you can just refund so if you want to check the course out go ahead click the link on the screen now or below in the description we’ve had thousands of members go through this course and get a ton out of it and I would love for you to do the same either way I hope that you’ve enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one

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29 Comments

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  1. At 1:11, she's allmost certainly been told that Howie Mandell doesnt shake hands. It wasnt her being awkward, thought itlooks awkward. "Comedian Howie Mandel lives with obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and is a self-confessed germaphobe who doesn't shake hands with anyone."

  2. I'm not convinced she's authentically awkward… seems more like she's has genius level social intellect and wit that she is using to craft a devastatingly effective schtick.

  3. Until Aubrey, I’ve never seen awkwardness pulled off so authentically and so hilariously and it doesn’t hurt that she’s so easy on the eyes.

  4. The topic is interesting.

    Always good to learn something new. I was reading many books about for example: body language, self-knowledge, and communication skills.

    And we are human. The only thing we can never stop is to learn to explain ourselves and find the best communication technique, and understand others.

    However, I dont understand what it is about—in 6 minutes had more advertising than between the Superbowl.

    In the video it is an unclear short conversation explaining that it was good that not.

    Communication is more complex, not just talking and copying others’ responses. All connect each other through body language, personality and sense of humour.

    It is like you read a thousand pages of books, and when everyone said it was so great to read, you notice because when xy said something, he used that: “thank you.”

    🍾 at the same time, many people liked your video. For me, it is just wasting time👍

  5. As my father always used to say – ""Just pretend to fart when you feel awkward, it will neutralize the awkwardness""

    Thanks dad, you were the greatest 😀

  6. She is brilliant talented and beautiful. So awkwardness on her really doesn't look unappealing. I'm myself and rather reserved but a lot of people seem to like me. And I think it's because I'm not a jerk.

  7. Thanks, YouTube, for knowing that I am socially awkward and sending me this video as a recommendation. Algorithms have found me to be awkward. Yep. This is awkward. True, yes, awkward – well, yes. BTW the narrator sounds like HealthyGamer.

  8. I was comfortable and confident as a child, but as an adult, I’ve become more withdrawn, anxious and awkward. I believe this change may have come from my experiences with bullies at school and from observing how people can turn violent if you give them the "wrong" look.

  9. Funny me I guess I was so transfixed by her beauty I thought she was playing a role extremely well, that underneath she was a very shrewd and cool person.

  10. She didn’t touch Howie Mandel due to his germ phobia. That’s why she didn’t know what to do.
    Not hugging the host was her attempt of not making Howie feel uncomfortable.

  11. Aubrey is amazing, I love this chic. I, obviously, didn't read ALL the comments but from the several I did read it seems that most of us viewers haven't researched her or accidentally stumbled upon her interview (as I did) where she states that she had a stroke and much of her social awkwardness and odd behavior are from fallout from said stroke and she simply has embraced the hell out of her situation. Honestly, that makes her that much more incredible in my opinion.