The Conversation Gap: How To Never Be Boring


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Tom Hanks has one of the most captivating personalities in Hollywood what’s interesting is that his charm has much less to do with what he’s saying compared to how he says it so in this video we’re going to break down four habits that make everything Tom says more interesting and how you can use these to ensure that you are never boring in conversation even if you don’t have super interesting topics to talk about the first thing you can learn from Tom has to do with how he launches into new conversational topics he usually doesn’t just leap into them out of nowhere instead he gives his listener a reason to care and he does so by using a story gap basically hinting and what you can expect without telling you outright here’s an example and I’ll tell you how the question wait how did he get screwed immediately pops into your head and that is the whole point of a story gap to raise a burning question in the mind of the listener that makes them intrigued now it’s important that the story gaps that you’re creating have a mystery with emotional stakes if Tom had said you’ll never guess how normal my day was no one would care so you want to stick with high positive and high negative connotation words when you do this and to be clear you can be even more subtle and get the same effect of people hanging on every word you say in the next clips Tom creates a story gap just by implying that what’s coming next is unbelievable or surprising you can use these phrases to instantly make people more interested in what you have to say but the high-order point is the Tom doesn’t take his audience’s attention for granted he earns it and it only takes this simple phrase to start with but that isn’t where he stops because you can more people if you don’t deliver fast enough when you finally start speaking so tom continues to earn his audience’s attention by using a technique which is our second main point he completely inhabits whatever character or action he’s talking about for instance when he’s telling you story about Ron Howard Tom adopts a different accent a face and even hand gestures and if the volume were off you would still see him flip between Tom Hanks and the Ron Howard character as the story continues you double love the girl you need to love the girl alright that’s your job and I said are you gonna fire me because of this no no most people stay very flat in their faces when they speak is saying with their gestures in their accent and it means that they can only be fascinating if the literal words they are saying are fascinating and in this case they might blame their inability to hold the attention of a group on their life circumstances saying that nothing interesting happens to them this is only half the story though the other half is that there’s nothing of interest beyond the words particularly visually so don’t hinder yourself in that same way when you allow yourself to inhabit the actions that you were talking about it doesn’t matter if every joke isn’t perfect or if a story drags a bit you’re still fun to watch take a look at some examples of Tom demonstrating this and that whole build-up to action would make the horses [Laughter] [Applause] I have to see the problem now is there’s an awful lot of spit coffee on people’s laps because a simple way to practice this is to simply force yourself to pantomime the next time that you’re speaking so if you’re talking about running do the running thing with your arms and if you’re talking about playing the guitar the air guitar is your friend you will be shocked how much livelier conversation becomes and how much easier it is to get a laugh now from everything that you’ve seen so far you might assume that tom is always over the top and huge in his expressions but if you watch this next clip you’ll see something interesting Tom actually has a mode of conversation that is much quieter and subdued everybody I’m Julie I’m sorry this is a demonstration of dynamics it’s when you ship the size of the gestures or your volume or your tone within a conversation these ships can be as big as changing the tone of a story to match a different emotion or these changes can occur within a single sentence when one word is different from the rest what happens you’re there and every day is just like crazy love boats candles resort fantastic playing with dynamics is important because being fascinating is not just about always being big and boisterous you see people notice and pay attention to things that are different from the baseline and being loud and animated when you start a conversation is interesting because it separates you from most other people but if you keep it up non-stop at some point everything that you say is the same and it can become overblown and boring so shifts from sad to happy when appropriate are allowed to soft these are what get people reinvested in jokes or stories regardless of the content of what you’re saying here’s another example I always love running in tune seeing whoever I see because I always run up and do bits and I just aim at you that’s right intenders then your security team I just I just yell your name back when it comes to dynamics in your own life a good rule of thumb is to come in one level higher than this situation calls for like I mentioned this is gonna separate you from others in a positive way but once you’ve captured people’s attention and a group is listening to your story or what you have to say don’t be afraid to downshift when it makes sense with what you’re saying great opportunities might be when you’re playing a quiet character or shifting the tone of a story for comedic effect we said you guys work here they said every single day I said the press the president’s not even here why do you have to be in and they said in case of nuclear war the fourth point the Tom demonstrates incredibly well is in his inclusion of multiple members of a group people naturally pay attention when we feel like what is being said is to us specifically and the simple act of greeting someone can make them feel like the next conversation is for them so including more people in introductions when you enter a room is a smart move but you can also call an individual out in a positive way or ask them a question though this might feel like a diversion from the main topic of conversation when you go out of your way to include more people in a group it becomes more interesting because more people feel like the conversation is for them another option to do this occurs when you’re about to speak on any kind of topic and you can mention how it relates back to various members of the group even if it’s not something that directly affects their life the simple act of acknowledging some relation to them is going to make them pay closer attention every interview will be about Forrest Gump at some point about st. John for the rest of you now in larger groups this may be impractical to do for every single person so when you’re in that larger group and you can’t possibly give everyone a personalized reason to listen I contact while speaking is huge we’ve talked about this in the Tom Holland video but again the three-second rule is in effect to maximally make them feel like you’re talking to them give each person or at least each side of the room roughly three seconds to come in a bit under that’s not a deal-breaker even a glance can help engage someone quite a bit now we’ve purposely focused a lot on how to be fascinating independent of the content of what saying it’s a fantastic skill but what to say is important too and if you want to be able to confidently connect with people in a meaningful way so they remember you you want both and if you’d like to go deeper on that topic you might want to check out our flagship course charisma University charisma university is a video course and the entire point of it is to get you more confident and more charismatic in just 30 days it goes into the exact step-by-step things that you should do over the course of those 30 days so that you’re not only avoiding being boring but that you’re developing a charisma that makes you stand out as the person that people want to get to know and to be around whether that’s in the professional world or socially and it’s different from this YouTube channel and that it’s not just random interesting things about any particular celebrity I’ve got no problem with that it’s fun but rather this course is a comprehensive system to install charismatic habits in your life and it’s gonna guide you to develop your own style of charisma as fast and as reliably as possible so if you’re looking for the fast track to more charisma more confidence I definitely would recommend checking out charisma University you click the link on the screen to join today or to go ahead and learn more either way I hope that you have enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one you

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  1. It is also possible having so much money and influence that you can literally buy or destroy the person you are talking to makes everything one says much more interesting to everyone.

  2. 🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:

    00:00 🎬 Tom Hanks' captivating charm comes more from how he speaks than what he says.
    00:13 🎤 Use "story gaps" to engage listeners by giving them a reason to care, prompting curiosity.
    00:53 🧩 Story gaps should have emotional stakes and employ high connotation words.
    01:16 📣 Use phrases implying surprise or intrigue to capture attention.
    01:44 🎭 Inhabit the character or action you're discussing, using gestures and voices for engagement.
    02:28 🖼️ Don't rely solely on words; visual representation adds value to stories.
    03:38 📉 Use "dynamics" in conversation – shifting between loud and quiet, big and small gestures.
    04:44 🔊 Be mindful of conversation dynamics; constant loudness can become tedious.
    05:25 📈 Enter conversations energetically but be ready to downshift when appropriate.
    06:07 🤝 Include multiple people in conversations to make them feel addressed and engaged.
    06:49 👀 Make eye contact while speaking, using the three-second rule to engage each person or side of the room.
    07:33 📚 Charisma can be developed with specific practices and is not just about what you say but how you say it.

  3. The thing is, confident and interesting people are that way without even trying. And for people like me, who try and be interesting, the more boring and desperate (kinda) I look.