The Simple Reason 90% Of People Are Lost In Life — Jordan Peterson


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I hope to encourage people one of the things that’s been painful about what I’ve been doing with my wife as we’ve traveled around the world for the last number of years is to see how desperate people are for an encouraging word there is nothing that people like more and need more than to be listened to if you could Envision a path forward out of your misery let’s say to somewhere better what would that look like and it’s not a question people ask themselves with enough depth and then having developed that Vision what are the strategies that might be put in place to make that more likely and again not in a manipulative way but if you had to conduct yourself in the proper manner to bring about this desirable land or at least to move towards it how would you organize your behave when now the problem with that is it leaves you without a goal and it also leaves empty space which you immediately have to fill and so often people feel disquiet because now they don’t know what to do and they miss that rush because they’re no longer pursuing something and so it’s very important to know that positive emotion is experienced in relationship to a valued goal and then the question becomes well what’s the most valuable goal to pursue what people don’t understand about that in some sense is that the purpose of your life is not going to be happiness sometimes it is sometimes that will come but there will be difficult periods in your life and happiness won’t suffice then but what you can have in your life is an adventure you can have an adventure there’s no doubt about that and there’s a couple of reasons for that one is you don’t know what’s going to happen if you say what you think now I don’t mean in cautiously and I don’t mean provocatively or any more than necessary you don’t know what’s going to happen so that’s very adventurous but also if it’s you and your voice then it’s your adventure and if it isn’t like if you’re crafting your speech or manipulating in any way or parroting or abiding by the dictates of the crowd then I don’t know whose Adventure you’re having but it’s not yours take on some responsibility do something for other people you’re doing something for yourself while you’re doing that even if you don’t know it for sure because you’re a community across time find a job do your best with the customers don’t be above your job you’re going to get an entry-level job when you’re a kid or what else would you want you want to be the boss what do you know you don’t know anything you could be the boss of your job you know if you’re working in a grocery store you’re working in a convenience store assuming you’re not working for terrified tyrants you can be nice to the customers you can develop your social skills you can learn how to handle boss employee relationship and if you go and show yourself as competent there’ll be a trial period but if you go show yourself as confident all sorts of doors you didn’t even know were there will start opening like mad people have been after me for a long time by because I’ve been speaking to disaffected young men now what a terrible thing to do that is thought the marginalized were supposed to have a voice it’s making emotional talk about well God you know it’s very difficult to understand how demoralized people are and certainly many young men are in that category and you get these casual insults these these in cells what do they mean it’s like well these men they’re they don’t know how to make themselves attractive to women who are very picky and good for them women like be picky that’s that’s your gift man demand high standards from your man fair enough but all these men who are alienated it’s like they’re Lonesome and and they don’t know what to do and everyone piles abuse on them there are no shortage of women out there who’ve never had a positive relationship with anyone masculine and so they’re very they’re completely unable to discriminate between narcissistic power and compulsion and confident competence and so because they can’t distinguish that and they’re afraid they put all of that in the same category which is something like the Predator category and and that’s not good for them because well as you said all men aren’t Predators all the time and they need to establish a relationship with the man we all have a tendency to drift in our weakest Place let’s say and so some people become alcohol like some people will become narcissistic and so on we all have our Temptations and one of the ways we buttress ourselves against that is by having other people say no you there you’re not funny they’re you’re boring they’re you need to be reigned in and if you deprive yourself of that that’s what happens to hyper celebrities and dictators they deprive themselves of that social regulation because they forbid it and then they’re then they’re in hell and sometimes they drag everyone along with them genuine ethical virtue it’s the only source of resilience and strength that you have and it’s also the place as far as I can tell that the meaning that allows you to set yourself against suffering resides you know people talk about life and its meaning and they say well life is meaningless but people never mean that because if you’re in pain or you’re terrified you’re overwhelmed with meaning it’s just not the kind of meaning you want and it’s not a reality you can talk yourself out of easily and that’s particularly true pain but it can also be true of anxiety and so the question is is there a reliable source of meaning that you can set against that that’s the fundamental question of life is how do we adapt ourselves to the infinite complexity that surrounds us what must we become well you don’t nearly think that through I mean you don’t I don’t human beings in general don’t we puzzle it out and we use all sorts of information to do that and and some of these more primordial experiences that are outside the domain of strict rationality nonetheless point is in an in an ethical Direction and The ethic would be you should and could be more than you are well then the question is how do you bring that to Earth how how does that look when you try to embody it day to day well I would say these and this these are obviously not my ideas they’re very old ideas well maybe you align yourself with truth to the degree that you can maybe you pursue Duty maybe you pursue the love that attaches you appropriately to other people and you do that because well I think you do it because life is very very difficult life is brutally difficult and sometimes unbearably brutally difficult and and you can see the progressives playing with that notion it’s warped into this sense of victimization but it does does reflect some understanding of the underlying tragic reality of life and so it’s good to get that right on the table to begin with say well you’re miserable you have your reasons and they might be deep reasons but if you let the misery demoralize you and make you bitter and cynical and cowardly and make you withdraw then first of all that’s a failure in the highest Sense on your part and all it’s going to do is make everything worse and then you might think well what do you have to respond to that how do you respond to that catastrophe and Challenge and the answer is and this is what Rocky is telling his son in no uncertain terms it’s like terrible as things are there’s a lot more to you than you can possibly imagine and that if you face those things forthrightly and with some faith and courage then you can have the adventure of your life and Prevail even over catastrophe like I think people should plan and they should develop a vision you have to develop the vision and then be somewhat detached from it because it needs to be updated right and modified you have to note when you’re being called to be more than you are and you have to attend to that very carefully because life is extraordinarily difficult and to manage it in a manner that makes it acceptable or perhaps more than acceptable you have to be everything you could be and so you establish a goal then movement towards that goal or evidence that you could move towards that goal makes you happy produces positive emotion whereas evidence that the goal is invalid or that you’re blocked in some way produces negative emotion oh I think the best practice is to try to not lie try to stop lying listen to your words feel them are are they the right words do you believe this do you believe what you’re saying is it true as far as you’re concerned and then then you might find that you have something true to say but you’re afraid to okay then there there’s a place for integration of the Shadow because hopefully you can be monstrous enough say what you believe to be true and so that means there’s a combativeness in some sense in that and so if you can’t do that so maybe you don’t say what’s true because you want to look you want to be a Persona you want to be nice you want to appeal to people you want to be popular whatever whatever it is you’re pursuing yeah you’re going to do it in a manipulative way and and you subjugate your truth to that that’s not helpful the people who need assertiveness training are often people who are too agreeable compassionate polite by temperament now the problem with that is that they let people walk all over them because they don’t stand up enough for themselves and the consequence of that is they get resentful and then they get bitter and then they get conniving and then they’ll mob they’ll do anything for everyone else but they push themselves beyond their limits and they and then they won’t even recognize the limits because they feel well if I’m not doing everything for you then then I’m not a good person it’s like no a good person does a little for you like if I’m acting properly with you say in this conversation there’s something in it for you and there’s something in it for me right and we want that to be reciprocal and so the cost of me bending too far in your direction is that I’ll become bitter and resentful and conniving and that and resentment is an unbelievable toxic state of being that’s the problem with hate crime not translations like who defines hate and I know the answer to that who defines hate the people you least want to so you know you want hate crime legislation you just better keep in mind who’s going to Define what constitutes hate I I said in one of the chapters of my books is is focused on putting your house in order it’s like well how do you start make your bed it actually took me quite a long time in my life before I made my bed regularly in the morning most of my life was in pretty good order but that was one thing I didn’t have in order my clothes in my closet as well all that’s in order not all of it I’m cleaning out some drawers right now but look around and see what bugs you in your room just look was like okay I’m in my room do I like this room no it bugs me okay why well the Pain’s peeling there and it’s dusty there and the carpet’s dirty and that corner is kind of ugly and the light there isn’t very good and my clothes closet’s a mess so I don’t even like to open it um okay that’s a lot of problems that sucks that’s a lot of opportunity pick something and fix it but not too much so it the rule is pick a problem pick a solution to it that you know wouldn’t help that you could do that you would do so you have to negotiate with yourself it’s like oh I won’t clean up this room how do you know I’ve been in here for 10 years and I’ve never cleaned it up it’s like well obviously that’s too big a dragon for you would you clean one drawer find out and so imagine now you want to be happy when you open that drawer and you think well that’s stupid it’s like is it maybe it’s your sock drawer which I cleaned up in my room the other day by the way

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4 Comments

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  1. This video popped up just at the right time for me. Every day I help others through my video. I have been questioning whether or not to continue because I am not making any money YET from my videos, but after listening to this it helped me look at things in a completely different perspective. Thank you. 😍😍

  2. This is way more beneficial advice than some rich Andrew Tate telling you that you're a loser for not living up to his high expectations. Live is a journey, there are no destinations…. only rest areas.